


Life After Swimming

by Saphire282



Category: Free!
Genre: First Love, Forming Families, Future Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-18
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-05-07 12:28:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 58,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5456540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saphire282/pseuds/Saphire282
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a decade of being an Olympic swimmer Rin feels as though he's managed to complete his life's dream. Problem is now he's not sure what to do with the rest of his life. He turns to the only person who's been with him every step of the way, the person he wants to continue life with after competitive swimming. "Haru, have you ever considered starting a family?" (RinxHaru)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'm Getting Too Old For This

**Author's Note:**

> I'm aware I listed this as a Rei/Nagi fic as well as a Rin/Haru fic. Rei and Nagisa are a couple in this story, but their minor characters. Just as an FYI for those looking for something to fuel their special fandom :3

Rin was tired. Exhausted really, emotionally, mentally, and physically all at once. He let out a sigh as he laid in bed staring at the hotel room ceiling. He muttered to himself how ridiculous it was he was required to stay at a hotel when his apartment was less than ten miles away from the Olympic village that was set up for the athletes. This was his third Olympics since he graduated high school, and it was being hosted in Sydney. Even though he was Japanese native, after he graduated high school he immediately applied for dual citizenship so he could join the Australian national swimming team, and the whole country quickly accepted Rin as their pride and joy athlete who won their hearts with his talent, determination, and charisma. Due to his impressive skill from the get go, he managed to qualify for his first Olympics only two years after joining the team, where he won gold in Free style, and also lead his teammates to get silver in relay. For the second Olympics, he was stuck with silver after he was beat by less than a second in the final round by his best friend/strongest competitor, Haruka Nanase, who grew to be Japans all star swimmer. This time around however, neither of them got gold. Rin ended up with bronze, and Haru ended up with silver, both of them just barely behind a young up and coming American kid.

 

This of course frustrated Rin, but at the same time he knew it was coming. His trainer, his coach, and anyone who had experience with the life of a professional athlete warned him that being on top is a short lived high, and age is nearly everything when it comes to high rank competition. While he might be able to hold onto being Australia's best for a little while longer, on the world stage there's always going to be someone younger, who has more energy, who's able to train more, who has less ware and tear on their body, and no matter what you do they will eventually beat you. "But the fun part is you get to watch them get beat a decade later too. Some twisted little circle of life this is." Rin sneered to himself.

 

He accepted this reality that he was 'becoming old' for the profession he's chosen, but he was still rather distraught that he failed his country on the year they were hosting. There's always such high expectations for hosting Olympic countries. It's all about showing the whole world the best the country has, through grandiose opening ceremonies, larger than life pools /fields /equipment, and of course, the power of the countries athletes, and this year, Rin failed. Or at least in his standards he failed, while from the outside it seems like third place against all the world's finest athletes is pretty damn good, from Rins perspective, bronze is the lowest of consolation prizes, it takes his last four years of work, determination, and training and says 'here kid, we'll still let you on the podium and have your name slightly remembered in the newspapers, so your whole life till now isn't completely in vain.'

 

"Maybe I should quit now, I've been on a downslide since my first Olympics, next time it wouldn't surprise me if I didn't end up on the podium at all." Rin sighed, he still had a relay tomorrow but he wanted to go home. He couldn't sleep as it is, and in his current state he'd just be dragging the team down. His mind quickly went back to the idea of quitting. Not right now of course, but after his job is done in this year's Olympics.

 

Could he quit? Well of course he could, he had enough money from endorsement and minor TV appearances to be set for life, as long as he didn't spend too extravagantly. It would sure look better in the long run to bow out gracefully instead of stubbornly insisting to compete after the rest of the world considers him to be someone desperate to hold on when he's past his prime.

Rin scowled, he knew he peaked too late. A lot of the kids in the Olympics are… well kids. Fourteen to Sixteen year olds are now his biggest competitors while he only made it to the big stage for the first time when he was twenty. If only he was that good when he was younger, he would of loved to have at least one more Olympics, one more chance to beat Haru. He ground his sharp teeth in irritation thinking about the fact that Haru's beat him two out of three times. He wanted so bad to at least even out the score. Maybe he shouldn't quit just yet, just so he can keep competing against the only guy really worth beating in Rin's book, but he quickly dismissed that idea as being selfish and not worth dragging the entirety of the Australian national team into. Besides, if he really just wanted to go against Haru, he could just fly back to Japan, go up to him and ask. Not like Haru's ever before rejected his challenges, they've been swimming together neck in neck since they were kids.

 

_"I wonder what would happen with Haru if I quit…"_ This thought caused a pit in Rin's stomach as he knew for a long time that swimming was the glue that kept him and his only true best friend together. Everyone else from Rin's younger years had faded away as everyone went on with their separate lives and passions, but since Rin and Haru ended up going on similar paths, they used "the spirit of friendly competition" as an excuse to send weekly e-mails reporting their latest lap times, and calling each other at the end of a long day to complain about who has the more grueling training regiment. Rin knew that if he quit and Haru continued swimming competitively they would lose all common ground and have nothing to talk about anymore.

 

_"Maybe if I quit Haru would follow me."_ Yeah, like Haru would quit swimming. That's like asking a dolphin to try living on land for a while, see if he likes it. Besides Rin knew it was completely self centered to ask Haru to quit just because he wants to. Haru got silver this year and gold last year, coming out in second is practically a world away from getting bronze. There's a lot of pride in being second, and he could still bounce back. Heck, he never wanted to admit it, but by natural talent in the water alone Haru's always had an edge over Rin. Why not let him keep going until, he too finds that he might be ageing out of this competitive world. And yet, despite all this good logic to let Haru go, Rin couldn't stand the idea of being left behind.

 

_"Sheesh get a hold of yourself, it's not like the two of you can stay together forever or anything. Even if I stay for now, eventually there is life after swimming, we'll find partners, get married, focus on our own families, and then drift away from each other like everybody else."_ This twisted Rin in even more knots, the idea that drifting is inevitable, that despite his and Haru's success on staying friends for most of their lives, there will be a day when Rin's life doesn't have Haru in it. Just consciously recognizing it caused loneliness to wash over him. Rin never had close connections with anyone else. His love life was laughable. Girls who weren't athletes wanted more attention than Rin could manage, as his life resolved mostly around swimming. He tried dating female team members who kept the same schedule as him but they found his competitive nature a turn off. They'd rather have a boyfriend they could chill with instead of a guy challenging them to swim against him all the time.

 

The only other person who really shared Rin's passion, who loved swimming as much as him, was Haru. Being in the water together was their way to spend time together, while doing something they both loved. In fact, when they weren't swimming together, Rin was always focused on the next time they will be swimming together, or against each other. He eagerly awaited Haru's e-mails with lap times so he knew what time to aim to beat. When he practiced he always pictured Haru 10 meters in front of him at all times, taunting him to swim harder, push faster, catch up even though Rin's mind never allowed him to actually be caught. _"Always chasing after Haru, that's what I've been doing my whole life, haven't I? When'd my life come to this?"_ Rin knew his dream to be an Olympic swimmer was something he decided on long ago as a way to honor the dreams his father had, but never fulfilled. But he had already completed that dream the first time when he won gold. From that moment on he felt he did his Dad right. So what has pushed him to keep going these past eight years? The answer is simple really.

 

**Haru.**

 

As all this unraveled in Rin's mind he started to think maybe, at least part of the reason of his failed love life was this obsession with his best friend, which made it hard for him to truly absorb himself in anyone else.

 

"AHH FUCK, NO, HE'S MY FRIGGEN SOUL MATE AIN'T HE? SHIT SHIT SHIT, I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS RIGHT NOW. I GOT A RELAY AGAINST HIM TOMORROW, I CAN'T BE THINKIN ABOUT SHIT LIKE THIS!" Rin violently tossed and turned as his body flailed against the bed before repeatedly banging his head face first against a pillow a couple of times. This truly wasn't the time for life changing epiphanies. Though he actually, for the first time tonight, found it lucky that right now was the Olympics, and he was stuck confined in this athlete's village. Thoughts like this can't be ignored, and if Rin had to face it, at least Haru's actually in a room nearby. Rin refused to give himself time to have second thoughts about contacting Haru and opened his cell phone, pressing Haru's number on speed dial.

 

It rang twice "Hello Rin?"

 

Rin exhaled the nervous breath he was holding in. "Haru! You answered that quickly, don't tell me you still have a hard time sleeping before big events."

 

Haru rolled his eyes in the darkness of his own room "And you're any better calling me at one in the morning? Whaddya want Rin?"

 

"Well actually, haha, you got me, I can't sleep either. How about we burn off this restlessness together? The practice pool is open 24/7 to the swimmers. I can meet you there."

 

"Yeah sure, that sounds great. I'll be there in twenty minutes."

 

"Awesome, I'll be there…" Rin lingered silently, not sure if he wanted to say anything more on the phone. Maybe some explanation on why he probably sounds so nervous. He sighed, though he didn't mean to out loud.

 

"Everything okay Rin?"

 

"Um, yeah, well, no, not really. But I'll explain when I see you."

 

"You're not upset about the bronze are you? I don't want a rematch tonight, we're both exhausted, and I'm not up to it."

 

"No, no, it's not that, we'll just be relaxing I promise. So I'll see you there soon, bye."

 

"Bye."

 

Haru was the first to hang up and Rin let out another long sigh before rolling out of bed and switching on the light switch to fix his hair and slip on his near skin tight iconic black swim trunks with red accents. He threw on a black tank top which had a pocket for his room card and then left his room, quietly making his way down the hall to the elevator as to not wake up or alert any of his teammates of his departure. The teams coach would surely kill him for sacrificing his sleep in order to meet up with an old friend. Even if he tried to explain he really couldn't sleep anyway.

 

He made it down the elevator and into the lobby without incident and hurried out the building, jogging to the enclosed practice pool only a couple of blocks away. When he opened the door he was relieved to see no one else was interested in swimming this hour, that he and Haru could be alone to talk about whatever it is he could manage to actually say. Haru was already there, Rin didn't spot him at first but Haru could see a wavy image of Rin from under water. He pushed forward to the edge of the pool near the door and popped his head out to the surface catching some air.

 

"Heya Rin." He raised his hand and did a half wave.

 

"Haru!" Rin grinned ear to ear, just saying his name. He then got flustered, feeling more self-conscious about his outward affection towards his friend. _"Have I always been so happy go lucky just to see him? He's not staring at me like I've done anything weird. I guess I have but this seems a little too excited for normal friendship. How could neither of us have noticed this before?"_ Rin tried to brush it off and pushed himself into the water in the lane next to Haru's

 

"So what's up Rin?" Haru asked, bobbing in the water.

 

Rin sighed, not sure where to start. _"Haru, I've been thinking for the past hour and I've come to the conclusion that we're soulmates and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. HAH! How the hell do you ease into this?"_ He decided to better start with where his thoughts first started. "Haru, I'm thinking of quitting competitive swimming after the closing ceremony's next week."

 

Haru audibly gulped, he knew Rin to be a very stubborn and very competitive guy and the last time Haru beat him and he mentioned quitting, Haru didn't see our hear from Rin until years afterwards. Could he be upset that Haru beat him two Olympic years in a row? Did he stop enjoying competing again? Haru couldn't stand upsetting Rin like that again, winning wasn't worth it if it meant making a true enemy of his friend. He reached out across the polypropylene rope to grab Rin's wrist, afraid that his friend might have an emotional outburst and dash away at any moment. "H-hey, you're still a great swimmer. You followed your dream and you did more than your father would ever want for. We're at the Olympics Rin, the highest peak of the athletic world. We've made it… please don't doubt yourself now, please don't quit again."

 

Rin quickly realized that Haru's sudden flash of fear was due to déjà vu and shook his head chuckling. "No, no, I'm not upset Haru. Look at me, I'm not angry I'm not crying. It's just that I'm getting old you know? Least in swimmers years. I don't want to push myself too hard, if I continue training this hard while my body ages I might end up like Sosuke you know? I'd rather be healthy for the rest of my life and be able to swim enjoyably rather than risk it all trying to get a few more years of fame in. If I did try to stay in the game I'm not even sure if I can hold on for another four years to make it here again."

 

By the end of his explanation Rin was leaning against the wall of the pool, his arms crossed against the concrete edge holding his body up afloat. Haru pulled himself out of the pool and stepped over to Rin's lane, sitting on the ledge and spreading his legs wide in order to let his lower legs hang into the pool. His inner thighs were practically pressed against Rin's elbows. _"God man, do you realize how this looks right now? Do you realize how inviting you are?!"_ Rin sunk his face halfway into the water and blew bubbles against the surface with his nose to ignore some of his newly found, one way sexual tension.

 

"Are you serious about this Rin?" Haru asked to break his perverted distraction.

 

"Yeah, I mean, well, I probably wouldn't of thought about it if I didn't get that bronze today. But it's not just because of the bronze you know. That was just my kind of wakeup moment that maybe it's time to move on. Really it makes sense, I don't have the same drive that I did when I was younger. I realize that I have been so focused on swimming that swimming is all I got, well, swimming and you. And well, I dunno about you, but my trainers been warning me that being an athlete isn't a lifelong thing you know? So, I've been thinking about my future and well…"

 

Rin nervously looked up into Haru's eyes "Haru, have you ever considered starting a family?"

 

Haru didn't pick up on Rin's bad attempts to share his feelings, without outwardly sharing them, just stared at Rin with an annoyed look. Of course, with them knowing each other so well Rin read it right away as a "You know for a fact that I'm not into romance, and I have no interest in being a father" look. Rin sighed wondering how it was possible that Haru has gone so long without any outward interest to anyone of either gender. He started to second guess if he really wanted to be with someone who was nearly emotionally mute. But then he grinned, he grinned because it dawned on him how special he was. Haru wasn't an emotional mute to him, Haru smiled for him, cried in front of him, got riled up in competition against him, expressed some of his deepest secrets to him. To the outside world this guy was cold and indifferent, but around Rin, he could truly feel. This gave Rin a quick surge of confidence to say the words stuck on the tip of his tongue.

 

"Haru!" Rin exclaimed leaning up cup both of Haru's cheeks in his cool wet palms, his eyes shining with dumbfounded hope and yet his lower lip was quivering. "Haru, I want you in my future. Would you consider starting a family with me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I've been working on this story since April of this year and so far been posting it to fanfiction.net. I have learned from other Rin/Haru shippers in the community though that this place has a very strong community, along with some possible themes/contests I can participate in. If anyone wants to point me in the direction of where to go for those things it'd be much appreciated as I am very new to this site. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story, it's kind of my baby XD. More chapters to come soon!


	2. That Took More Convincing Than I Thought

Haru was perplexed. He was perplexed and confused and it flustered him that Rin was in such close proximity of him, expecting an answer to request that seemingly came out of nowhere.

A Family? When boys ask girls to have a family together that means getting married and having kids right? Why would Rin be asking him this?

"Rin we can't have children." He answered with a 'what are you, stupid?' expression.

Rin sighed and shook his head, removing his hand. "We don't need kids Haru, we can be each other's family, just the two of us."

"We're men, we can't even get married."

"Haru! You're taking this too literally." Rin took a palm full of water and splashed it up in Haru's face. Any of the bravery he managed to build up for this confession has now been squashed, but he stood there anyway, knowing he couldn't make such a bold statement and then flee. It's better to deal with an intense amount of awkward now instead of the lifetimes worth of awkward as him and Haru pretend he didn't just say that.

"Well, you pretty much proposed to me… I think. Which is kind of sudden, because we're not dating."

"Well, see, it's not that I want to rush through anything." Rin paused and gulped _"God this is so awkward, I really didn't think any of this out beyond 'be with me'."_ "It's just that we've been really close for so long it just seemed to me like we'd be already past the 'lets have a few dates and see how it goes' stage. It's just I – uh. I feel pretty confident you're the one." Rin's cheeks turned a bright shade of pink as he stumbled through his explanation. Haru intensely stared at him and tilted his head curiously. "I mean! Just think about it. How close friends we are, how much we trust each other, how much we understand each other, how we manage to barely ever have petty fights. I just think that when you really look at what we have in a new light, then it's a little obvious that we're already perfect for each other. Dontcha think so Haru?" Rin was desperate to get some feedback on Haru's reaction, other than the fact they couldn't literally be a family, which he was already aware of. Also he needed a break from spilling out his guts.

Haru stayed quiet a moment to mill over all that was being said, a slight smile on his face as he found Rin's obvious nervousness to be amusing. "Well yeah, I get your point. But all those things you stated work well for very good best friends right? I mean it's worked till now. I'm not trying to be rude but what's gotten into you Rin? Why the sudden urge to deepen our relationship?" As he asked he noticed Rin's expression growing more and more forlorn, he once again instinctively reached to wrap one of his hands around Rin's wrist. Keeping his deep blue eyes fixated on Rin's Crimson ones. Obviously oblivious on how intimate his actions are while doubting the level of intimacy in their relationship.

Rin was a little frustrated that he was being held onto while being rejected. But he didn't bother to move out of Haru's grasp. "Well Haru. How would you feel if I was no longer in your life?"

"What? What do you mean Rin? Are you saying we're either a couple or nothing at all? That's unfair! You can't just expect me to make a decision like that."

"Whoa whoa Haru." Rin rose his spare hand in innocence, he fidgeted his trapped wrist, as Haru was unknowingly squeezing it painfully tight now. "It's not like that, it's just if I quit swimming, which will eventually happen even if it doesn't happen soon, then we'll lose touch. You'll be busy training, and I'll be doing… whatever it is I'm going to do with the rest of my life. I haven't really thought that far ahead other than the bloody part of hoping you'd come with me. Even when you're also done swimming, we'll just naturally drift apart."

"You think if you quit swimming we'll stop being in each other's lives? That's ridiculous! Our friendship is worth more than a common profession."

"Really? When's the last time you talked to Makoto?"

"Errr… six-ish months ago? Somewhere around that time." Haru finally uncurled his fingers from Rin's wrist and embarrassingly scratched the back of his head.

"Makoto, who still lives in the same town as you, who used to love you like a brother, and watch over you like a mother. That friendship wasn't valuable enough to hold onto?"

"IT'S NOT LIKE THAT! You know it's not Rin. It's just that he found a wife, and has kids. And I'm practically married to the career here so it's just hard to spend time together."

"Sounds familiar huh? Like to something I said just a moment ago?"

"Yeah…"

"So, I don't want that to be us. Where we both go off and start families and just slowly forget each other, you know? I know it's selfish to ask you to go along with this, but I don't want to lose you."

"I don't… want to lose you either Rin." Haru softly smiled, as a little bit of the haze of confusion finally lifted and he came across the same epiphany that his friend had earlier. That no matter what, he didn't wish to loose Rin. That a life completely without him is practically heart breaking. "I'm sorry for making this so hard on you. I've just never thought about having a family, or romance, or well, any of that. After a while I figured my lack of interest in it was a sign that I was supposed to be alone forever."

"Yeah I understand that Haru, but you just said you haven't really thought of it. So maybe there's hope right? I mean, if you we're interested in having a family, would you want one with me?"

"Are you kidding me? You're the only one that I'd want one with… if I wanted one." Haru tilted his gaze up away from Rin, feeling a little embarrassed of the words coming out of his lips.

Rin grinned wide, chuckling. He pushed himself up against the side of the pool enough to catch Haru's gaze again. If he couldn't hide from Haru's face while spilling his guts, Haru shouldn't hide from his. "Well, since I'm the right person. Then why don't you give me a try? I mean you'll never know if you're supposed to have a person in your life if you never take a first step."

"Try? You're right. I should at least try. S-so what's the first step?"

"Well, I guess the very first step is agree to go on a date with me. And if you really want to make my night…" Rin's expression turned mischievous as he started to close the small distance between the two of them, leaning forward as he let his breath brush against Haru's face. Haru stayed still, his eyes already becoming half lidded, his lips slightly parted. He knew it was coming and yet Rin paused as his lips were barely against Haru's with the softest of touches and whispered "I hope you'll accept this small token of my affection." He made a soft noise of pure joy before pressing his lips harder against Haru's.

The kiss started warm and affectionate, then their lips parted more. Rin's tongue slipped into Haru's mouth, drawing out Haru's tongue and sucking deeply on it. Haru let off a small moan against Rin's lips. Rin softly blushed hearing the moan and shifted his weight to hold himself up on one elbow, lifting his free hand to cup Haru's cheek before parting their lips for air. Rin opened his eyes, his breath panting, only to look at Haru's face.

Haru's cheeks and nose were bright pink, his deep blue eyes glowed with dazed desire, his pale lips parted and moist from the kiss. He never looked so vulnerable or desirable in his life. Rin's lips twisted into a sly smile "Hey Haru." Rin paused to start a trail of soft kisses from the side of Haru's mouth down to his neck "You look" kiss "like you" kiss "are actually enjoying this" another kiss.

Haru stayed quiet, he wasn't sure what he thought or how he felt at the moment. His body has been on autopilot since he registered Rin was going to kiss him. Physically it seemed obvious that he was enjoying this, but there was really no point in reaffirming the obvious of what Rin was teasing him about.

"Can I go further?" Rin murmured against the side of Haru's neck before licking the flesh firmly with his warm tongue.

Haru groaned from the lick "fur-ther?"

Rin couldn't help but chuckle from the tones of cautious yet turned on in Haru's voice. "Mhm, like do more than kissing."

"…what do you want to do?"

Rin rolled his eyes. "How about you follow my lead, and if I do something you're uncomfortable with, you can tell me to stop."

"Okay, let's do that."

Rin snorted, Haru's awkward nervousness was beyond adorable. Rin lowered himself back down level to the edge of the pool and stretched out his arms so both his palms wrapped around Haru's ass. He squeezed the cheeks tight and got a rewarding 'Mmmn' from Haru's throat. "Hey scoot closer to the edge for me" he quietly requested, as his hands also pushed Haru's ass closer to him. Haru slid forward, guided by Rin's pressure until he was only hanging onto the concrete by his ass. "There, good, now try not to fall in." Rin smirked up at Haru who managed to get enough composure to flash a 'sure, thanks' look.

Such composure was quickly lost as Rin immediately went to assault Haru's inner thigh, softly nipping the flesh before sucking it into his mouth, and holding a few seconds while Haru panted and made more of those wonderful 'Mmmn' noises. He started near the knee and slowly, tantalizingly, made his way up until he was a few centimeters away from Haru's crotch, and then he started the process all over again on his other leg. Haru's legs twitched and tingled, burning from sensation wherever Rin left his touch.

Haru's hands curled, his nails scraping against the wet cement as he had to lean back in order not to fall in the pool. Rin leaned even further in, nuzzling his nose and lips against the crotch of Haru's tight swimsuit. Letting off a low purr to vibrate his heated breath against Haru's already hard cock. He could feel Haru was more than ready but he persisted to tease him, rubbing the tip of his nose against Haru's balls, making him shudder in pleasure. "Hey lift your hips for a second"

Haru complied carefully stiffening his arms to push himself up to hover an inch above the concrete. Rin hastily grabbed at the waist of his swim trunks and rolled them down to peel off Haru's hips and ass, continuing to tug until the top half of his thighs were exposed. Haru stayed suspended in air "Hey! I can't sit on cement bare like this!"

"You'll be fine Haru, you'll be too focused on pleasure to even feel it. Trust me." Rin placed his palms under Haru's ass cheeks to ease him to sitting and then softly massaged the cheeks in his palms before slowly slipping them up, hugging around Haru's waist as he brought his mouth to Haru's member.

Haru gasped "Ah! Riiinnn" he moaned out as Rin ran his hot tongue up the length of his member, pausing at the top to wrap his lips around the head, circling his tongue viciously around it. Haru's body was greedy to cling to something, so his legs slid around Rin's slides, his feet pressing against Rin's back, curling his toes against the flesh.

Rin internally smirked, it was such a turn on to hear his name moaned out like that. Feeling the pressure of Haru's feet pushing him harder against the pool wall, it registered to him that Haru craved to touch him, which was probably the biggest honor of them all. Rin tightened his grip, softly scraping his nails against Haru's hips as he slowly took more of Haru's length into his mouth, getting all the way to the base, then back up again sucking deeply. He could hear Haru start to pant heavily. He started to bob his head faster up and down, up and down, he can feel Haru's cock start to twitch in his mouth, so just to really set Haru off, he began to purr deeply, vibrations from his throat enveloping all around Haru's member.

"Ah! Fuck, Rin! I feel like I'm gonna. Uggggnn" Haru felt himself orgasm spurting cum into Rin's lips before he could breathily mutter "explode". Rin slowly parted his lips, removing his mouth from Haru's seeping member. He then grinned, unraveling his arms from Haru's hips in order to lift himself up, just enough to peck Haru's lips with a few soft affectionate kisses.

"You are so mine now." Rin said victoriously, his whole face lit up with confidence.

"W-What?"

"You heard me. Tell your team later today that you're not flying back with them. You're staying with me for a couple weeks."

"Wait, isn't this sudden?" Haru started rolling his swim trunks back up his body.

"Well we sure as hell aren't gonna start a deeper relationship long distance. We need to spend more time together Haru."

"I can't just suddenly not go home. I got a silver medal yesterday. There will be people waiting at home to do photoshoots, and interviews! They'll expect me to be there."

"Photoshoots and interviews you hate doing man. They can collect photos from Olympic coverage, and they can interview you over the phone." Rin ducked under the water to move into the next lane so he could pull himself out of the pool where Haru wasn't sitting. He stood and shook out his hair, before looking down at Haru next him. "What's the issue man?" He then took one step to stand behind Haru and reached to grasp Haru's chin, lifting it so Haru looked completely upward. He leaned down to give him another deep kiss, enough to evoke Haru's blushy 'caught-off-guard' face. "You're not having second thoughts are you?"

Haru already knew his body has given off too much for him to even bother pretending not to be putty in Rin's hands at this moment. He simply shook his head 'no'

"Good. I'll meet up with you as soon as the ending ceremonies come to a close."

"Hey Rin?"

"Yeah"

"What happens when the couple of weeks end?"

"Well I can't keep you here indefinitely… least I don't think you'd let me." He paused to chuckle as Haru made an 'I definitely will not' face. "So I guess we'll just see where we are at that point, and figure out what to do from there." Rin turned away heading towards the door. "Anyway it's become ridiculously late now, and I've probably exited you enough for one night that you should be exhausted."

"Wh-What about you Rin?" Haru asked nervously, pointing at the obvious boner stretching out the front of Rin's swimsuit. "Are you gonna… be okay?"

Rin chuckled. "Seriously Haru? While I'd love to fuck you right here and now, I however am not so malicious as to give you that kind of pain in the morning to impair your swimming. Don't worry though, you've made plenty enough sexy faces and noises that it won't take long for me to get off replaying tonight in my head."

"You're gonna masturbate to…" Haru's eyes widened.

"Don't look so surprised. Real life interaction is much more effective than porn."

"Yeah… it's just weird to hear, cause it's me."

"Get used to it. You're my boyfriend now." Rin walked over to Haru again and offered his hand to pull him up from sitting. Haru grabbed his hand and got up, their hands still held as they make their way to the door outside.

"Yeah, I am." Haru muttered, though he sounded slightly happy all the same.


	3. Too Many Questions

Rin and Haru were staying at different buildings in the athlete's village, so when they got to the door of Haru's building, Rin's fingers finally un-weaved from Haru's as he whispered goodnight into Haru's ear, and then disappeared jogging away into the night. Haru stood there, leaning into the wall the canopy structure in front of the doors entrance, his eyes following Rin's silhouette running under the street lights. Though Haru wasn't really staring at Rin, more like gazing through Rin as he tried to collect his thoughts. Even as Rin gained enough distance to be out of sight his eyes seemed to settle on wherever he lost track of his new 'boyfriend'.

Haru sighed, Rin looked so carefree, but now that Rin was separated from him, whatever joy he had about becoming Rin's romantic partner has been silenced with confusion and doubt. At least these emotions made sense to him. Who on earth wouldn't feel conflicted when their best of 20+ years tells them they should be lovers, or else they might lose having any sort of relationship at all?

"And what kind of grown man gets himself seduced into submission by a damn kiss?" Haru mentally groaned for a moment as his mind replayed that kiss, his first kiss. When he was much younger and got kisses from his family, but no one counts those when they think of their first kiss, right? As he continued to think on the topic he was grateful that it was Rin who got his first kiss. Was that a sign that he's attracted to Rin? Or simply relief that if someone were to break the chastity of his body at least it was someone he truly cared for? Haru never had these questions before, and since he was long passed the normal age on being confused on dating, it was embarrassing to need to ask someone about these things now. Luckily for him however, he knew one person to ask.

Haru turned away from the outdoor air and walked into the hotel lobby, heading towards the elevator. It took a great effort just to move. His legs felt extremely weak and his ankles felt like they had forty pound dumbbells tied around them. His feet barely lifted from the carpet with each step. Was this the effects from his current emotional state? Or is it natural for men's legs to turn into rubber after being immensely pleasured? Haru didn't know, and he wished his mind would stop racing with questions he already knew he couldn't answer. "I'm too tired to deal with this" Haru internally grumbled, and then simultaneously he was glad that at least one thing made sense.

Tired. Of course he was tired, he should have been to sleep hours ago. His physical condition must be a compound of physical and emotional exhaustion both from the previous day's work and his experience with Rin. "Just get some sleep, you'll swim fine in the morning." That's right. He had a relay tomorrow. Why the hell did Rin need to drop a bomb on his life when he had a relay tomorrow? It feels like his usual constant thoughts of swimming have suddenly become so distant it was like he already moved on from his life's passion. Wasn't he just at a pool? Yes, and yet as soon as Rin started talking that night he was so distracted that he didn't notice he was in the water. The setting was irrelevant, the water was irrelevant. This realization deeply disturbed Haru as he turned the handle of his hotel room door.

"Mmmn. Welcome back Haruka." He was greeted by a half asleep voice as his roommate stretched his arms.

His roommate was Rei, one of his friends and swim team companions from high school. While Rei's athletic skills were remarkable he was not attending the Olympics as an athlete. Instead, after high school Rei decided to embrace his strongest of passions: making the world beautiful. He attended two years of beauty school and after some practice in the field he then enrolled to be an intern makeup artist for the Olympics four years ago.

Rei claims Haru got him the position more than anything, because when he mentioned he was friends with the teams most socially awkward swimmer they practically hired him on the spot. Anything to have someone around to share a room with Haru and not be creeped out by his indifference to everything except for swimming. This year Rei had returned proud to not be an intern, but instead he earned a spot as top makeup designer all of Japans athletic teams.

"Thanks Rei, sorry for waking you, again." Haru closed the door and walked over to his bed in the darkness. He pulled off his still moist swimsuit and put on a pair of pajama bottoms he left on the floor.

"It's fine. What did Rin want?" Rei was woken earlier from Rin's phone call. When Haru said he was going out to meet Rin, Rei didn't bother to stop him. He knew if there was anyone who can help settle Haru's restlessness, it would be Rin anyway.

"To ruin my life." Haru muttered. Usually he would keep this all inside, but Rei's the one Haru already planned to confide into about all this. Though he knew it was unfair to Rei to start the story in the middle of the night. It's best if both of them got some sleep.

"What?" Rei asked.

Haru sighed "Long story. I'll explain in the morning."

"Alright…. Are you sure you're okay Haruka?"

Haru wasn't sure about that, but if he started to explain his mood he felt like the whole story would flood from his lips, so he passively said "Yeah I'm fine."

"Okay, goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Haru shut his eyes tight as he curled up in a ball in bed. His body desperately needed rest but his mind was spinning. He tried to focus on swimming but thoughts of Rin, and the whole confusion Rin just dragged into his life kept creeping up into his mind, unwilling to be pushed aside. He finally gave up and decided to embrace thinking of Rin. He thought of Rin's warmth. The burning he felt on his lips when they were met with Rin's, the burn that left him yearning, that invited Rin to do more. He remembered that in that moment his mind was blank as he gave up any rational thought on what's right or wrong or how this will affect their future, or if they had any future at all. All that disappeared as he enjoyed the onslaught of Rin's mouth, kissing him in all the right places. This was an easy vivid memory for Haru to recall, so he let it play over and over again until he fell asleep.


	4. Real Life Isn't Covered In Girls Manga

Morning came too soon for Haru. He couldn't of gotten more than four hours sleep by the time he was awoken by Rei failing to sneak around and get ready for the day while trying not to disturb him. Rei usually gets up an hour early before meetings so he has time to show up in proper attire. Haru once asked Rei why it was so important for him to show up in full makeup first thing in the morning. Rei replied that "Well my team is a bunch of makeup artists and hair stylists. If I don't take this seriously and put my best foot forward then how am I to be taken seriously as their supervisor?"

That logic made sense to Haru, but this morning especially, it irked him that he had to lose close to an hour of rest each morning due to Rei's professionalism. He knows Rei means no harm, and to stop Rei from feeling bad about it he usually keeps his eyes closed and pretends to sleep until Rei decides it's time to actually wake him up. He knew today was especially one of those days where it would be better to keep his eyes closed, and hopefully he actually would fall back asleep, though the spare forty minutes wasn't going to save him exhaustion wise.

Haru laid still, hearing the sounds of Rei standing in front of the mirror picking out makeups and application brushes. Picking them up, brushing them against his face, and softly putting them back down on the counter in front of him. For a while Haru just tried to focus on the noises around him, not allowing his mind to wander, knowing that if it did his chances of getting anymore sleep were completely obsolete. Twenty minutes passed, and at that point Haru saw no point in hoping to fall back asleep with only twenty minutes left until he was expected to wake. He opened his eyes and rolled out of bed, letting out a sigh of relief as he stood up. His legs weren't noodles now, they of course weren't in top shape, but he at least felt like he was physically able to swim today.

Rei looked up in the mirror to see Haru out of bed behind him. "Did I wake you again?" Rei said concernedly.

Haru turned to look at Rei's image in the mirror. Rei was almost done with his morning's mission of turning his face into a work of art. Around his purple eyes he had made a dramatic cat eye with black liner and dark emerald eye shadow. His lips had a coat of brown stone lipstick which made his top lip slightly shimmer. Haru didn't find much appeal in makeup, but he half smiled noticing the small butterfly on the top left corner of Rei's left cheek, drawn in with the same emerald color. Haru noticed that in each of Rei's looks he managed a butterfly somewhere on his face each day. They only spend time together during their stay at the Olympics so Haru wasn't sure if the butterfly is Rei's trademark icon, or if Rei was simply doing it while Haru was around as sort of a nostalgic nod to the past when Rei swam the butterfly stroke during high school. Either way Haru liked it, he felt it truly suited Rei, even if the rest of the makeup was excessive.

"No, you didn't wake me." Haru lied. "I've just got a lot going on right now." At least this part was true.

"Well it's getting close to time anyway." Rei stored away his utensils of beauty and walked over to the drawers, throwing a shirt at Haru who was still standing next to his bed, pulling on the swimsuit he discarded on the floor the night before. "We're going to the morning meeting Haru, your events not until two pm, you don't need to put on your swimming attire."

Haru shrugged "I know, but I like wearing this anyway."

Rei snorted, and then giggled. "Some things never change. After all these years I bet you never met a body of water you didn't like."

Haru raised an eyebrow but silently put his shirt on and slipped on some shoes to head out to the meeting. It was 6 am, the swimmers representing Japan all met for breakfast in a small conference room. Haru filled up as much as he could on heavy foods that would help him fall asleep again as soon as this was over, and his teammates had no problem letting him do so instead of practice since he currently looked like death warmed over. Everyone already knew the drill anyway, this was just a chance to check in with everyone, share any concerns or suggestions before they met up for show time.

Haru really respected his teammates and thought them to be very talented people, but he never really considered any of them to be friends. Swimming relay really meant a lot to him when he was younger. His high school team was comprised of close friends of his. They trained together, ate together, studied together, and, well, practically lived together. So even though Haru did his best lap times on his own, he was glad to be part of a team with his friends, so they could put all their hearts and souls into one race together.

Professionally he continued volunteering to be a part of relay because he hoped to recreate some of the comradery he used to feel being a part of a team, but really he finds with the Olympics no such comradery exists. It's just four extremely talented people coming together and practicing a couple weeks to get the feel of working as a unit, and then when it's done they go off in their own ways. Haru wasn't sure yet if he planned to join Rin in quitting swimming, but he did decide today that if he were to continue swimming, he'd do so on his own.

After he filled up and promised his teammates he'd be in a less horrid condition by two pm he excused himself from the meeting, going back to his room to take a long hot shower which relaxed his body and mind. He then changed to boxers and laid in bed, deciding to think about his very first relay as a kid. The one Rin convinced him to participate in. He had a feeling that trying to keep Rin completely out of his mind would only cause him stress. At least these memories were innocent and full of joy. Rin had promised Haru that if Haru swam a relay with him that Haru would see a sight he never saw before. And when that relay happened, Rin fulfilled that promise. It wasn't really a sight, it was a discovery that swimming was an even more magical thing with friends. He's loved swimming with Rin since then. Haru smiled and hoped these fond thoughts of Rin were a sign that he's doing the right thing and everything will work out in the end. With that to calm him he managed to fall back asleep.

"Haruka" Haru could feel a hand on his shoulder, gently shaking him. "Come on Haruka, it's two hours before your meet. It's time to get up and get ready." Haru didn't see how it would take him two hours to prepare to swim, but it was noon and he now felt like he had sufficient sleep to swim in tip top shape. He opened his eyes and politely moved out of Rei's grasp.

"Thanks Rei, how goes today's events?"

"Don't know. I've been too busy prepping everyone to actually watch. This is my first break. I came up here because I had a feeling you needed someone to wake you up." Rei's placed his hands on his hips and gave Haru a 'what would you do without me' look.

Haru stood up and gave Rei a pat on the shoulder as a thanks before taking a step back and putting his swimsuit back on. Haru would probably just sleep in his swimwear if he didn't keep getting wet so soon before bed. Despite his love of water, a damp bed wasn't very comfortable for him to sleep in. "Ah, how long is your break?"

"I'm good for the next hour, as long as no one calls me with an emergency. Why you ask?"

"Well, I don't know what to do about last night. Do you think we could talk?"

"Oh yes, about Rin! I'm so sorry, I've been so busy I forgot." Rei was surprised, Haru's someone you nearly have to pry for personal conversations. For him to initiate one he must be feeling some sort of desperate. "So what's going on, did you fight?"

"No. We didn't fight." Haru sighed and sat down on his bed. "Tell me Rei, when Nagisa asked you out, we're you already in love with him, and super happy to be together forever?"

Rei snorted "What!? What kind of question is that? Are you serious?" He looked down just to make sure Haru's face was indeed serious.

"Well, isn't that what's supposed to happen when a guy asks someone out?"

"No, where would you get an idea like this?"

"Girls Manga's." Haru said with a completely straight face.

"Girl Manga's….?"

"Yeah?"

"Haru. Why do you take love advice from girl manga's?"

"A girl 'recommended' that I do."

"And you simply took her recommendation?"

"Well she recommended it quite strongly."

"How so?"

"She used to visit me a lot. And then one day she came up to me, and yelled me I broke her heart. I asked her what she was talking about and she told me I should read some damn girls manga. That it'll help."

Rei rubbed the bridge of his nose. He generally has a habit of readjusting his glasses when he needs time to think but his elaborate makeup creations require him to wear contacts in order to properly display his art. So by habit he still touches his nose where his glasses would press against. It was slightly amusing how easily he could imagine some poor hopeful girl who became enamored by Haru, and tried her darndest to endear herself to him, only to have all her effort go straight over Haru's head. Even though it's not Haru's fault he's impervious to all signs and signals of romance or romantic interest, you still can't really blame the poor girl for exploding in his face.

"Okay, we'll take this to the top. What does any of this have to do with Rin?"

"Well, Rin asked me out."

"Finally!" Rei blurted out.

"What?"

"Well what did you and Makoto say practically in unison when Nagisa announced to you two that we were dating?"

Haru turned his head to the side and muttered "Finally."

"Exactly. Do you remember why that was? It was because our closeness was so obvious even YOU thought we should be a couple. Well that's the way the rest of the world see's you and Rin, if they manage to be around you and Rin for more than a couple hours. Hell not even that's not necessary, they just need to hear the way Rin prattles on about you any chance he gets."

"What do you mean? Rin talks about me?"

"Well, I don't know about now. It's not like I've had much of a chance to talk to him the past couple of years. But back when I was getting lessons from him. You know, the ones you and guys pretended not to know about? I got more than an earful of stories. His childhood with all of you, how much he thought of you while he was training in Australia, how much he appreciated me reuniting him with the team."

"He was just happy to make well with his friends again."

"No, he was happy to be friends with you again. He always smiled when you were mentioned. His voice had the most awe whenever the topic turned to you. Of course most of his compliments and reverie were about swimming, but I could tell by the way he talked, he already truly loved you then."

"Ah crap. Now I really can't do this." Haru growled and buried his face in his hands.

"What!?"

"He loves me! I can't do this."

"Haru you're making no sense. You don't want to be with him because he loves you?"

"He was…" Haru paused and sighed, and then words started to flood out of his mouth, his voice raising to a panicked pitch the more he spoke, "so confident last night when he asked me out. He even said so, he said he was confident that we were meant to be together. Now I know you are too, and probably everyone else who knew us. But I'm not, I'm not in love with Rin, and I'm not sure if I can be. And if he feels this strongly about me then I don't think I should date him because he should be with someone who loves him already."

"Lemme guess, you think this because of the girls Manga?"

Haru nodded. "It's all I've had for reference."

Rei sighed, "You asked me before, how I reacted when Nagisa asked me out. I wasn't in love with him right then. In fact, my first thought was 'well I might as well give him a chance, he'll just follow me around and pout till he gets his way anyway.' Cause, that's how Nagisa is you know? Especially with me." Rei smiled, thinking of Nagisa usually did that. "So he started coming to my house more often, he said that's what boyfriends do. As you know we stayed secret until we graduated high school, so we couldn't really go on dates, but he'd still cling to me in public. It'd make me nervous, because I was afraid someone would assume something more than Nagisa's overly affectionate personality. But when I looked down at him, he always looked really happy to be with me. He looked so happy that it was hard for me to really be upset about it. After a while I started to enjoy his cuddles, and a while after that I started to want to kiss him. A year later I realized I truly loved him, and now I can't imagine life without him. There's a point to all this sappiness, and that is girls manga makes for bad real life love advice. You don't need to have some long time crush on someone to agree to date them. You can just like them a little and be open to more happening. That's the point of dating anyway, all this ritual nervousness, and flattery and sappiness is what endears two people to each other."

"So there's steps to this?" Haru looked up, he seemed at least interested in learning now.

"Well, I guess you can look at it that way. There's no real hard and fast rules on how to conduct a relationship. But if you want an outline only from my relationship I guess I can provide you one.

One, spending more time together.

Two, gaining attraction for each other.

Three would be exposing ourselves to the public.

Four is coming to the realization that we're meant for each other.

Last is becoming a family."

Haru's interest peaked. Those were Rin's words. Becoming a family. Rin's goals were the end goal it seems, and Haru should at least know what this end goal included. "What's it mean, to become a family Rei?"

Rei sat next to Haru, his face curled into a sad smile as he remembers Haru has been an independent person most of his life. No siblings, and parents that took advantage of his skills of self-reliance as an excuse to leave him alone so how would he have any idea of what a family should be like? "Well, becoming a family is like, both your lives come together and everything you do, you do for the sake of both you and your partner, because your partner is just a natural part of your life at that point. You decide the big and little things together. Anything from major financial decisions, to figuring out what to get for dinner."

"So we'll live together?" Haru seemed to find the idea annoying.

"When you get to that point yes."

"But I don't want to move to Australia."

"Rin will probably come to Japan and stay with you."

"My house is small. It only has one bathroom and I like to take long baths."

"So find a larger house with two bathrooms. It's not like you can't afford it."

"I like the one I have. I like living alone." Haru was practically pouting at this point.

"Yeah, but do you want to be alone forever?" Rei was looking Haru in the eyes, showing his utmost concern.

"Could you not make that sound like the most depressing thing in the world?" Haru narrowed his eyes. "I'm just fine being alone."

"I'm not trying to tell you I know better than you do on what you need in your life Haruka. But, we're concerned. All of us. Me, Nagisa, Makoto. We want you to be happy, and we think you could be happier if you let someone into your life. Honestly I'm glad it's Rin. You two could be really good for each other if you just give this a chance. I know the living together doesn't sound appealing right now, but that's why it's the last step. If you experience the other parts first then you'll actually want to become a family with him."

"Problem is Rin just wants to skip to step five." Haru muttered

"Well then you'll just have to tell him you want to take it slow."

"I tried to. But then he kissed me, and then it just all went to hell." Haru turned away, unsure if he was going to blush from mentioning the experience.

Rei raised an eyebrow, it wasn't hard to guess what kind of hell a kiss could lead to. "Tell me, did this hell involve nudity? Like more than your usual comfort walking around shirtless anytime you get near water?"

"…maybe" Haru could really feel his face heat up now. Would Rei judge him for getting caught up in the moment so easily?

"Ahh" Rei paused for a moment and then chuckled.

"It's not funny Rei!"

"No, no, of course it's not." Though he kept laughing through his words. "But I can't really blame him. He's probably just trying to make up for lost time."

"Lost time?"

"Yeah, like I said before, you two should have gotten together ages ago. I think part of him realizes it too, though I'm not sure if he consciously acknowledges it yet. Point is he kind of feels like the both of you spent too long leading up to this and now he just wants the happily ever after to come."

"What does… what happened last night… have to do with it?"

"Sex? Sex has a lot to do with it. Especially in romantic relationships. It's usually a milestone, at least for the people who take it seriously. And considering it's your first time, and he wants a relationship with you, that's the most serious sex you can have. No wonder you're all up in knots Haruka."

"Well thanks for understanding but now you see my real issue. Rin wants me to be his family right off the bat, and then he practically charmed and seduced me going along with it. And apparently I'm still at stage 0 of all of this. I've just never saw him as anything more than a friend till last night and now I'm expected of all" Haru waved his arms in the air, to accentuate the point, "this crap!"

Rei sighed, "Well, if that's the case then you'll have to explain to him what you've explained to me. Though maybe organize your thoughts a little bit more, now that you've let them out."

"No. Are you kidding? He thinks we're practically married and you want me to tell him I need time to see if I'm interested in him? How the hell do you think it'll make him feel?"

"It's better than you staying silent and the pressure getting you to the point you run away from him Haru. He knows you well enough to understand how you work. He'll understand your feelings if you just explain them. Look, I know you really don't want to hear any more about how precious you are to Rin, but he wouldn't ask you this if he wasn't willing to put in some serious effort, even when it's hard. You're worth it to him."

Haru sighed "fine."

Rei looked up to the clock "Oh crap I got to head back over there. Promise me you'll give all this a try alright? You can call anytime you need advice. Figuring out relationships is quite a doozy sometimes."

"I already promised Rin last night I would, and yeah, I'm starting to see that. But thanks so much Rei, I do feel a lot better."

"Anytime Haru" Rei grinned, he meant his words. He was truly happy that he was able to improve Haru's day, since Haru rarely lets anyone in enough to do that. He was also glad that there was a good possibility that there will be someone for Haru for the rest of his life, someone who Haru could hopefully open up to more than just occasionally.

Both Rei and Haru stood up and hugged each other, and then Rei rushed off. Leaving Haru with barely any time before he'd have to run off to the main stage pool and wait for his turn to swim the relay.

" _And now I get to go compete against my new lover. This should be fun."_ Haru sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm gonna keep up with posting two chapters daily, or at least try. That way it's not suddenly all there to catch up with all at once. So far my most recent chapter is chapter 13 (14 has been started but it's still a work in progress) so once it's all caught up, please be patient with me!


	5. This Is Our Normal

Both Haru and Rin were familiar with this main stage pool. It was the same one that the Australian national team practiced in. Rin knew it like the back of his hand, probably better, and Haru knew this pool to be the exact place where he realized he wanted to swim professionally. He owed so much to this massive shining pool, and he owed so much to Rin for taking him to Australia the first time, because that trip provided him the missing pieces in finding his life's dream. During Haru's solo competition runs in days previous, he did feel a presence of gratefulness every time he faced that pool, but today was different.

When Haru entered the pools building, he paused for a moment to scan his surroundings. He's never been very interested in scouting the competition, but it's natural to take everything in, it was his last day here after all. He first of course gazed at the water, then he spotted the lane where his team members were gathering. He started walking towards them as his eyes continued to scan quickly past other teams and found its way to Rin, who was three lanes to the left of his team. Rin looked to notice him too as Rin's arm shot up in a big friendly wave, and his face broke into the usual grin he gets whenever he sees Haru.

Haru quickly looked in the opposite direction and sped his pace over to his teammates. Rin's grin was irritating. It was another reminder that Rin seems to be without a care in the world, while Haru is still left in knots about the whole ordeal. Even though Haru had no intention now to run away from his decision to give Rin a try, he still feels like he was begged and manipulated into going along with something that could possibly majorly change his life. Seeing Rin carefree about it wasn't something he could properly handle right now.

Rin's arm dropped down as soon as he noticed Haru's hasty retreat to his teammates. It's not like he expected Haru to publically wave back, but he usually nod's when looking in Rin's direction just as a way of acknowledging him. If it wasn't for last night's events, Rin would probably dismiss this, but the fact Haru was obviously avoiding eye contact with him now couldn't mean anything good.

" _Is he pissed at me? Why? Is it because I sprang the idea of dating on him out of nowhere? Sure my timing is pretty cruddy but it would have been worse if I waited and did this over the phone. He probably wouldn't have taken me seriously if I did it over the phone. Heck I practically had to french him to get him to agree to stay in Australia. Maybe it's because I kissed him. Was that too sudden? Did I push it too far after that and violate him? He sure as hell didn't act violated last night! God damnit Haru we're both adults if I did something wrong this childish avoidance isn't gonna solve shit."_ Even as he thought that he still felt responsible for things turning out as they are, and he was desperate to resolve whatever was wrong.

"Excuse me swimmers" a voice played over the arena, "five minutes until the relay begins."

Rin was momentarily broken from his train of thought as his eyes scanned along the arena, watching what seemed like over one hundred cameras turn on and pan over the area. His eyes lifted higher to the specially built box seats, where he could see the silhouettes of commentators from other countries already on camera, probably doing an overview of their home team. Rin usually didn't mind performing while the whole world was watching, but right now he gave an aggravated sigh, because now he had no chance to settle things with Haru.

"' _Australian swim star gets up in the face of competition right before relay. Claims that the other guy started it by giving him the cold shoulder.' Oh wouldn't that be a wonderful world news story?"_ Rin knew he couldn't walk over there but he desperately wanted Haru to look his way. Over the years he's learned the best way to understand what Haru is thinking is by looking into his eyes. While it's true of all humans that our faces give off a lot of information as to what we are feeling, Rin thought that Haru's facial expressions actually made a small language system. By studying Haru close enough, for as long as Rin has, he could practically make out full sentences of exactly what Haru was thinking at the time. Of course this mind reading also depended on Rin's overall familiarity of Haru, and already knowing how Haru feels about most situations.

Right now Rin didn't know what Haru felt, and he didn't like how Haru was intentionally cutting him off from seeing his face. Like Haru knew Rin's trick and intentionally wanted to cut off all communication during the time he's most vulnerable to anything Haru does. Was this a way to throw him off his game? No, Haru was aware this was his very last race on this stage. Haru wouldn't sabotage him like that. No, it still comes back to the fact that Haru is upset with him, and even though he obviously can't fix it right now, he wanted an idea as to what it is he needs to fix.

Rin just now remembered a method of doing so. He took a few steps back from his teammates as he recalls a party trick someone told him about a couple years ago. It was said that people are, not surprisingly, very sensitive to noticing when their name is called. So sensitive in fact that if you simply mutter someone's name while being fifteen feet away, they'll turn their head in the direction of the sound, even if they didn't fully hear it. Rin turned his head to stare intently at Haru, who still had his back to him, ready to catch even the slightest glance and hope it would be long enough to get a clue of what's going on. Then he took a deep breath and sighed out,

"Haru."

Nothing happened. As far as Rin could see Haru didn't even flinch. So he tried whispering again, this time not covering it up with his breath.

"Haru."

Still nothing! Rin was thinking either this party trick doesn't work, or Haru's so unobservant of his surroundings he's actually immune. So he tried one more time, this time in a soft, singing like melody "Haaaaa-ruuuuu".

This time Haru turned around by only for a second to show Rin an annoyed glare and then immediately turn his back again. Rin wondered if that was because Haru realized what he was doing and didn't appreciate his attempts to get his attention. Or was he angry from the start? Rin realized this experiment was completely futile.

"Two minutes until competition begins" the announcer warned. Everyone was now focused in prep mode. Doing final stretches, saying their last words of encouragement to their teammates. Rin walked back closer to his team, sliding his swimming cap over his head and lifting his goggles over his eyes, stretching back the goggles rubber strap two inches before letting it snap against the back of his head. This action was his family ritual, it was a signal that it was show time, whether he was ready or not.

Rin's team leaned in close, linking their arms around each other's shoulders. The team didn't officially have a captain, but Toby seemed to take the role as someone to rally them and do the pep talks. As Toby spoke Rin mentally prayed.

" _Pops, this is my last time here living out our dream. Please grant me enough focus to do my best. Oh, and also pops, I don't know how you feel about homosexuality, but I hope I have your blessing to be with him."_ Rin knew that it was counterintuitive to mention that part when he asked for focus on his swimming, but still it was important that he asked for such a blessing. Rin wasn't a particularly religious person, but since his father passed when he was such a young age, the only "relationship" he had was the belief that his Dad was watching over him from time to time.

"Match starts in one minute. First swimmers take your mark."

As Kai, the backstroke swimmer of Haru's team lowered himself into the water, Haru seemed to be crouching right at the edge of the pool. From the outside view one would assume Haru was leaning down to say some last words of encouragement to his teammate, but both of them knew Haru really had nothing to say. Of course, this close proximity seemed to perplex the Kai, but Haru stayed there anyway, his eyes gazing out passed the line of swimmers, and into the depths of the calm pool waters. Only when Kai followed his gaze did it make sense. Kai chuckled.

"You need to back up." Kai spoke in a strained voice, his body already coiled like a spring. "I know you want to feel the water, but you'll need to wait your turn."

Haru scowled and stood strait, he could hear another breathless chuckle from below him. Of course he knew he had to wait his turn. He was just trying to clear his head and focus on the water, in fact, focusing on the water was the only sure fire way to clear his head. At least, Haru hoped it'd still do the trick.

"On your mark." The backstroke swimmers bodies coiled even further into a ball, and then the whistle sounded. The relay has begun.

Haru's eyes passively followed Kai as he made his way through the pool, he looked to be third in the current ranks. Haru cared less about this than he should, as his eyes were more trained on the sparkling water being splashed around and disturbed by the swinging arms and kicking legs of the swimmers. Thanks to Kai's initial splash, the place Haru stood in was cool, and damp, with the air was laced with chlorine. Haru welcomed this as he entered a meditative stance. The water is alive, he could already feel it, he understands its nature, and the water understands him. He managed to keep this stance with his eyes still open, looking at nothing, yet still able to notice what was going on around him. As his teams butterfly swimmer kicked the back wall for his turn, Haru walked to the edge again, lining himself into position. He slowly exhaled a deep breath as he returned fully into the present. _"I am ready, no matter what happens."_

Then his teammate hit the wall.

Haru dived in a second before Rin, but both their forms were utterly perfect. The right amount of arch, the right amount of power, hitting the water with the least amount of resistance. It wasn't something a spectator would understand. Only experienced swimmers would truly appreciate the precision of the craft these two prodigies regularly pull off. Once Haru came up for air he knew where everyone was. He didn't need to look, or think about it, he could sense it, like personal sonar that pulsates through the pool. He knew that his time advantage was quickly slipping to Rin's superior kick power. He also knew Rin could probably, effortlessly sense his position too, regardless of the two lanes between them. They just know each other in the water, both powerful in their own unique ways, and giving each others power the utmost respect while still trying to topple it. This is their normal, it was exciting, exhilarating, and free.

Haru felt very free as time and space seemingly stood still while he pushed himself to the maximum of his abilities. He kicked the back wall and let his body cut through space underwater like a torpedo. When he surfaced there was thirty five meters left. He knew Rin was a head length ahead of him. He could sense someone even further ahead of Rin, perhaps it was that American kid that bested them before? It didn't matter at this point, if he couldn't pass Rin he surely wouldn't pass whoever is in front of him. He extended his arms as long as he could, he kicked his legs to the point they were a blur moving in and out of the water. Five meters left and he could sense being close to where Rin is, but his sense wasn't so accurate as to know whether or not he was perfectly tied. Just a few more strokes and he pushed his palm to the wall.

Haru clung to the wall. One hand lifting his goggles as he turned his head, allowing himself to look at Rin now that he no longer needed to avoid all the distraction Rin has been causing him lately. Rin's eyes were glued to the score board, eagerly awaiting for official times to come up. After ten seconds Rin's anticipation turned into a huge, unapologetic grin as hollers and cheers came from his teammates while they all pull Rin out of the pool and did a group hug. They had placed for silver. Rin had won against Haru.

As Haru climbed out, he half smiled. _"He's happy. I'm glad his last race was a happy one."_

As Rin glanced over at Haru's lane, he noticed Haru's reluctant smile, and smiled back even more enthusiastically than usual. As their eyes met Haru gave him a nod. They both refused to be bothered by their unfolding personal drama… at least for this moment.


	6. I Need To See Your Face

The medley relay was on the last day of the Olympics. That evening after all the events were done with, the entirety of the athletes village erupted in full swing party mode. Win or lose, it was all over, and it was now time to have few drinks and some fun with a community filled to the brim with nothing but hot athletes. Among those out partying was Rin and his team. The evening had started out fun, the team arrived at the bar and did some shots, then did some drunken karaoke wearing nothing but their swimsuits in attempt to impress some girls.

After singing was done Rin got approached by a female gymnast who kept calling him pretty boy, even after he told her his name. She challenged him to a Pina colada drinking competition, saying it was suiting for a pretty boy to drink such a thing with her. Rin couldn't tell if she was trying to insult his masculinity, or simply come up with a reason to try to get him more drunk, however the crowed was on her side that he should take up her challenge, and it'd be really shameful to back down in front of the crowed. After the second Pina Colada the crowed lost interest, and after the third one Rin was spent. The woman didn't order anymore either, Rin wondered again if she really had any intention to 'beat him' or simply wanted to seduce him with drinks. It was still hard to tell because she wasn't winning any charm points with her insistence to call him by that horrid nickname.

While she was distracted chatting up some friends, Rin's eyes wandered through the bar trying to find his teammates. We're they all picked off by women? He couldn't find two of them, so he assumed they've already been invited to have some fun in somebody else's room. The only guy left was Toby, who had found refuge with a group of guys, drinking beer and sharing stories of their experience at the games. Rin knew Toby was happily married, so he was glad his teammate managed to find a group to hang out with away from aggressive, hormonal women.

Rin sighed. Didn't he also have someone to go to? Someone that he should be saving himself for? Even in his drunken haze Rin envied what Toby had because he felt like he really didn't have a partner. Of course it's only been less than a day since Rin asked Haru out, so it's not like he expected immediate partnership, but at the same time he wondered what he was doing out partying his ass off with his boyfriend nowhere to be seen.

" _Haru hates parties."_

Okay, so maybe it's not strange that Haru's not at the bar with him. But still, he should go be with Haru. He still needs to find out whatever was wrong earlier. He wanted to talk to Haru after the race, but of course, Haru practically jetted out of the arena as soon as the awards ceremony had ended. Rin had texted him earlier in the night asking if everything was okay between them, and all he got back in response is,

"Yeah."

He then asked Haru if he was still going to stay in Australia after this, and got back

"I already told you I would, didn't I?"

Neither of those answers were very encouraging, they only seemed to further enforce Rin's suspicion that something was terribly wrong. Text is useless, Haru's impossible to read without his face. Rin needed to see his face. He turned to the bar tender and pulled out a card to pay for his bill. He'd usually be so kind as to pay for the lady as well, but Rin found himself irritated by her aggressive style. As he slid off his bar stool, the girl and her friends shifted their attention to him curiously.

"Go find yourself another pretty boy to play with." He rolled his eyes at the gymnast.

She scowled as her friends laughed at her apparent failure of man hunting. Rin waved goodbye to Toby, and tried his best to walk out of the bar in a dignified fashion.

* * *

As predicted, Haru was not partying. In fact, it could be said that Haru was doing his best to avoid the party by refusing to leave his hotel room no matter what the circumstances. Rei was in the room too. He had his laptop out running a video chat with Nagisa. Talking to Nagisa was a good way for Rei to stay loyal to his partner, and at the same time avoid feeling lonely while everyone else was out hooking up and having a good time. Haru didn't mind them talking, it's not like he could sleep with all the constant noise running through the hallways. Haru was lying in bed staring out into space when there was a knock on the door. Both he and Rei turned their heads to the sound but neither of them answered it. Neither of them ordered any food or services so it was most likely another stranger trying to lure the anti-social duo out to enjoy some fun. Whoever this person was, they were persistent, knocking again much harder. Haru sighed but knew it'd be better not to answer, whoever it is will give up thinking no ones in there.

"Harrrrruuuuu. I know you're in there! Open the door!" It sounded like whoever was speaking practically had their mouth against to the door.

" _Oh shit."_ Haru thought, recognizing that whining voice easily.

Rei recognized it too and lifted his head from his laptop to look at Haru who was a step away from opening the door. "What are you gonna do?" Rei asked.

"I don't know. But I'll take care of it." Haru responded as he pulled down the handle. As soon as he opened the door, he stepped out into the hallway and closed it again. He didn't want Rin to come into the room, it'd be safer in public were Rin would need to behave.

Or at least that's what he thought. The second the door closed Rin practically threw himself onto Haru, wrapping his arms around Haru's upper back and nuzzling his face into Haru's neck. "Rin! What the hell are you doing?" Haru wiggled in Rin's grasp, Rin turned his head up to face Haru and pout. That's when Haru smelled his breath, it reeked of alcohol and… coconut?

"What does it look like I'm doing Haru? I came here to spend time with my boyfriend."

"Rin, you're drunk as hell. Go to your room and get some sleep."

"Noooo, I can't."

"Why can't you?"

"I don't think I'll make it that far. I'm tired, and my balance isn't too well at the moment. Plus there's a Swedish gymnast out there who wants to rape me, protect me Haru!"

Haru raised an eyebrow "What the hell are you talking about?"

Rin loosened his grasp though he was still leaning into Haru, but now he was waving his hands around to accentuate his story. "I was out at a bar with the boys, and this chick who was kinda mean but really pretty wanted to get me drunk. She wanted me Haru! But you know what? I turned her down cause I wanna be with you. And yet you keep trying to get rid of me! Why are you avoiding me Haru?" He looked into Haru's eyes, determined to get an answer.

Haru's returning look was annoyed. He could tell this was supposed to be some sort of guilt trip even though he had done nothing wrong. He knew that being Rin's partner means he should be possessive of his boyfriend and be glad he didn't fuck around with Swedish gymnasts, but really this was all still too new for Haru to care what Rin did with his body, or with whom. "Go back to your party Rin, I don't care who you sleep with."

Rin narrowed his eyes and frowned "What the Hell Haru! That's a really shitty thing to say! If you don't want to be with me just say so already!" He pushed himself off of Haru a little too hard and nearly fell backwards. Haru reached over and grabbed his hand to steady him. He shook off Haru's grasp as soon as he stood strait.

Haru sighed, he didn't have a straight answer on how he felt about any of this, and he found himself now constantly annoyed at Rin who expects nothing but confident answers. "Look, I'm sorry I can't be so damn sure of this whole thing like you are! Out of nowhere you ask me out, and make it sound like it's so damn obvious we should be together. This morning I found out that the rest of the world is rooting for us too, but no one has considered what I think of this situation. And I will tell you what I think of this situation! It sucks! In the past twenty four hours you've completely hijacked my life. When you're not near me I'm constantly thinking about you, and if I try not to, then all I think about is how I want to stop thinking of you, WHICH STILL COUNTS AS THINKING OF YOU. And now that you are near me, you like touch me, which causes me to lose the ability to think all together. This is all happening way too quickly and I feel like I have no control in my life anymore, and it's all your damn fault!" Haru wasn't used to being this expressive, it was probably a side effect of the emotional roller coaster Rin's been putting him through lately, another reason to be annoyed with this whole ordeal.

As Haru talked, Rin's angered expression softened, and by the end of it he was wearing a goofy grin again. Haru couldn't understand why but he found himself to be caught again in a sudden embrace, Rin resting his forehead against Haru's now. Haru felt like he could get intoxicated by breathing in the strong fumes of alcohol. "Hey! Have you been listening to me at all Rin?"

"I have!" He grinned so hard "You love me Haru! What you just described there is love."

" _Love? How the hell did he get that from what I said? He's too damn drunk, there's no point in reasoning with him."_ Haru sighed. Rin was still clinging to him and breathing into his face. There was no point in staying in the hallway. Rin was practically impervious to the fact there's at least thirty witnesses now of him being inappropriately affectionate with another male swimmer. Even if Haru pointed it out to him he'd probably whine more that he shouldn't be embarrassed about being together. The room is probably safer now, not like Rei would stand idly by if Rin decided to start something perverted, or at least, Haru hoped Rei wouldn't. "Do you want to come in Rin?"

"I thought you'd never ask." Rin smiled, he looked to be smug with himself now that Haru has seemingly stopped resisting his own feelings.

Haru turned to unlock the door. Rin clung to his left arm like he was scared that Haru would slip out of grasp and end up locking him out of the room. "You know I'm not that bloody confident" Rin muttered as they both walked through the door.

Rei's bed was next to the door, he looked up from his computer again. "I see this is how you take care of it." He commented, amused at how events have turned out so far.

Haru gave him a glare and sighed. "He's bloody drunk and won't listen to reason."

"Eyyyy guys, don't talk about me like I'm not here." Rin pouted.

"What's going on Rei-chan?" Nagisa's voice chirped from the laptops speakers.

Rei chuckled "Rin's here, and he's drunk."

"Whhhaaaa? Rin-chan's there?"

Rei turned his laptop to the side so Nagisa could see Rin's body. Rin grinned again seeing Nagisa in the screen. "Nagisa! How good to see you! How goes the modeling business?"

Nagisa, whom never grew up, both behaviorally and physically, found himself to actually be blessed by his short stature and unusually large naturally pink eyes. He was approached on the street by a modeling scout. At first Nagisa didn't take the offer seriously because he didn't fit what was considered the mainstream ideal. But he followed up on the offer anyway and found out he fit in miraculously in the fetish worlds of shota and traps. He has spent the past seven years now being a regular model and well-known name, for magazines and conventions of both circles of interest.

"It's been good. I miss my personal makeup artist though." Rei softly smiled even though Nagisa couldn't see him at the moment. "How goes the Olympics Rin-chan?"

"Good. Got Silver in the medley today." Rin reached under his shirt to pull out his medal that has been hanging around his neck since it was awarded to him earlier that day.

"Ooooo that's great Rin-chan!" Nagisa clapped happily. "And you got Bronze in Free yesterday right?"

"Yup, Haru beat me yesterday. Has he shown you his medal yet?"

"Nope, but I saw him get it on TV, so it's okay."

"Aww, but everyone can see it on TV, you two are friends, he should at least share his triumph with you." Rin looked back to Haru who was leaning against the wall, enjoying the fleeting moments where he's not the center of attention. "Harrruuu. Why haven't you showed off your medals to Nagisa yet?" Haru sighed. Rin should know by now that the medals mean little to him.

"That would require Haru-chan to show off, you know he doesn't do that Rin-chan." Haru's eyes looked up to the computer as his lips twitched up at Nagisa, appreciating being saved from Rin's drunken wrath.

"Yeah, that's true, he'd probably still look all pissed at awards ceremony's if it wasn't for his publicist threatening to kill him if he doesn't smile." Both Nagisa and Rin laughed at that comment, Rei bit his lip to stifle his amusement.

"Anyway Rin-chan, what brings you to Rei's and Haru's room? You come to hang out with Haru-chan?"

"I have! Actually Haru's my boyfriend now. Even though he's been a total butthead about it since I asked him out."

"Ehhhh!?" Nagisa's face looked genuinely surprised, "You guys are together? Rei-chan why didn't you tell me?"

Rei turned the laptop back around to view his mate "Actually it only happened last night, and I didn't want to gush out details of Haru's personal life right when he's in the room you know."

"Ah well, that makes sense. Anyway, congratulations Rin-chan, Haru-chan, you two will make a great couple." Nagisa shouted out, even though he can no longer see them.

"Thanks Nagisa!" Rin shouted back chuckling, he then reattached himself to Haru in a sideways hug. Haru bit back his agitation of having yet another person expecting nothing but happiness to come from Rin's decision to turn his world upside down.

As Rei and Nagisa shifted their attention back towards each other, Rin was nuzzling into Haru's hair. Haru cringed at the thought of his hair ending up smelling like alcohol. "Rin, you should go clean up and brush your teeth."

"Aww, you don't like Pina Colada's?"

So that's why he smelled of coconut. Haru rolled his eyes. "Pussy drink."

Rin pouted again, "the crowed made me drink it!"

"Which makes you a pussy for doing what the crowed asks."

"Haru!" Rin growled, detaching himself from Haru's body again. "What the hell is your problem?"

Haru shrugged, he was really just teasing Rin. If Rin wasn't drunk at the moment he'd probably just punch Haru's arm for the comment and mutter 'whatever'. But right now it was obviously not the time for teasing. "I'm sorry, but you really do smell pretty terribly of sweat and alcohol. If you're going to spend the night with me, could you please clean up?"

Rin's mood swung up again as Haru mentioned spending the night. He was hoping to not get kicked out tonight, but to hear Haru agree to it was simply splendid. "Buhh, I don't have a toothbrush, or a change of clothes."

Haru sighed. Two days ago he'd offer his stuff to Rin's use without a moment's thought but now he wondered the implications of everything he did. Would sharing a toothbrush be a sign of intimacy? Only serious couples (or in his case, understanding best friends) would be okay sharing things like toothbrushes and clothes. He didn't want to give Rin the idea that he was ready to jump into the married life. Then again, Rin was probably too smashed to remember this in the morning anyway. "You can use mine, you haven't vomited tonight, right?"

"I think you'd smell it if I did."

"True."

"Besides, if I did vomit does that mean you wouldn't let me use your toothbrush? Would you rather I reek of stomach acid all night?"

"Well no, I'd go out and buy you a toothbrush."

"Aww, that's kind of sweet for a guy who doesn't want to share his toothbrush with his boyfriend who's suffering from alcohol poisoning."

"Well do you really blame me?"

Rin paused to think for a moment while Haru went through his drawers pulling out a black T-shirt and a pair of boxers. Haru tried to turn his brain off to avoid thinking of the implications of letting Rin wear his boxers. He pulled out a pair of sweatpants for good measure, so Rin wouldn't get the idea that he wanted Rin's body to be uncovered.

"Nah, you're right, other peoples vomit is eww." Rin finally responded as Haru placed the clothes in his arms and pushed him to the direction of the bathroom. As the door closed Haru let out a relieved sigh, hopefully a long shower will sober Rin up a little bit.

An hour later Rin finally opened the bathroom door. Haru was lying in bed again and looked over to the door, relieved that Rin put on the full outfit provided for him. For all he knew, Rin in his drunken state, might be tempted just to parade around the hotel room naked. "It's a little snug" Rin said tugging at the shirt that didn't fully cover his stomach, "but thank you." He seemed to be a little more subdued as well, which was another thing Haru was appreciative of.

"Well I'm shorter than you." Haru shrugged.

Rin nodded and walked towards Haru's bed. Haru shifted, trying to move himself to the edge of the bed to make room, but Rin seemed to ignore his attempts for create space and crawled right on top of Haru, nuzzling his nose against Haru's chest. As Rin fully relaxed laying on top of him, Haru couldn't help but notice Rin's body heat. Rin's body was warm, too warm, especially the feeling of Rin's breath slowly sucking in and floating out onto his chest. Haru could feel himself melt into the moment, about to completely lose control all over again. No, he won't allow it, it's better to talk to keep his mind working. "So what'd you mean earlier Rin?"

"Hmm?" Rin looked up a little confused, he looked to finally be winding down and getting tired.

Haru looked up to the ceiling, he wasn't sure how his face looked at the moment so it was better not to give Rin anything to react to. "When I let you in, you said you weren't that confident. What did you mean?"

Rin tried to recall his earlier train of thought, though the dwindling alcohol buzz combined with exhaustion did him no favors. "I don't remember, sorry."

Haru just sighed in response.

"What?" Rin muttered.

"It's nothing."

"Liar."

Haru raised his eyebrows and tilted his chin down to finally look at Rin. Rin seemed to have an expression of smugness for no apparent reason. "Seeeee? I can see you now. So I can tell." Rin exclaimed.

Haru thought Rin was speaking incomprehensible gibberish, but he decided to humor Rin anyway. "What do you mean?"

"Well why the hell you think I'm here Haru?"

"Because you wanted to see me?"

"Exactly!" He seemed pleased with his answer.

"Yeah, whatever Rin." Haru leaned his head back into the pillow looking at ceiling again.

"You're doing it again Haru." Rin whined.

"Doing what?"

"You're not letting me see you."

"Rin, you're losing it. I'm right here. Trapped under your body"

"Not this part of you," Rin poked Haru's chest to make a point. "Your face. I need to see your face or else I don't know what you're thinking. I need to know what you're thinking Haru."

"That's ridiculous Rin."

"Noooo it's not! If I can't see your face it makes me uneasy. That's why I came here, I thought you understood that!"

"You're uneasy? You've seemed pretty confident to me."

Rin wasn't blind to the cutting edge of Haru's voice as he made that comment. "S'that why you're angry at me Haru?"

Haru didn't say anything so Rin propped himself up to hover his face over Haru's. Haru scowled and Rin shook his head before lowering him back down to rest his head against Haru's shoulder. "You're so stupid Haru. You shoulda told me right away what's been bothering you, but then again that wouldn't be like you would it?"

Rin paused and got no answer, but he was expecting that. "Of course I've been uneasy. You've only been a major part of my life since I first saw you swim when I was a kid. Me asking you out? There's only a million ways this can go totally wrong and I might lose you forever. And that terrifies me. My whole damn life terrifies me right now. I'm giving up the one driving force that I've focused my whole being around, and I don't have a friggen clue what's going to happen next. All I have to look forward to is spending a life with you, and yet, when you're not around or you shut me out I feel like you're slipping through my fingers. If I lose you Haru I have nothing left."

Haru expected himself to feel even more frustrating pressure on him from Rin's declaration that he's the only thing Rin has to hold onto, but he was pleasantly surprised to feel relief. Maybe it's from shock because the past twenty four hours he had convinced himself that Rin was some twisted puppet master trying to fuck with his head and heart. It was of course, a ridiculous thought, but it felt nice to know that he's not suffering alone, that Rin is just as vulnerable or even more than himself. Yes the future is a terrifying place, but Rin needed him and for now he wanted to try and be that support, to try to fill the void in Rin's life while Rin is bewildered on what to do with himself. After all, didn't Rin do the same for him before? Haru could feel Rin's body start to shake. He knew Rin was easily moved to tears, and Rin's emotions were in overdrive in his current state.

"Shh, it's alright. I'm not gonna leave you like this." Haru lifted his arm and ran his fingers from Rin's scalp down to the end of his burgundy locks of hair, over and over again while Rin clung to him harder, blinking away the few tears already welled up inside of him before Haru started to comfort him.

"You promise?" Rin blubbered.

Haru chuckled "yes I promise. Now go to sleep."

"I don't want to."

"Rin, if you try to sleep, I promise to continue petting your hair until you drift off."

"Okay" Rin almost immediately muttered in response and nuzzled his cheek against Haru's shoulder, closing his eyes. Haru kept his side of the promise and continued to gently run his fingers through Rin's silky locks of hair. After ten minutes Rin was out. Haru could tell because of the noise Rin made. It wasn't a snore per say, but a soft 'nnnng' sound when he breathed out. Haru found the vibration coming from Rin's lips into his shoulder to be distracting in the worst kind of way. His attention couldn't be pulled from that tingling sensation on his skin. He moved his hands down to rest on Rin's back, softly rubbing circles into the black shirt he provided Rin. He wasn't sure why he was doing this, hopefully it was an absent minded thing to do to pass the time until he was too tired to be kept up by the sensation of Rin's semi-snore.

"You kind of look like an adoring boyfriend right now." Haru quickly turned his head towards the noise to see that Rei was still awake. It wasn't surprising, Rei was a very light sleeper and Rin kept causing a commotion up until he passed out.

"He's scared." Haru said softly, and then looked back down at Rin in the dark.

"And you wish to protect him."

Haru didn't answer, it didn't sound like Rei was actually asking a question.

"This isn't something temporary Haruka. It's not like you can support him through his life transition and then leave." Haru narrowed his eyes. Did Rei pick up on his careful wording to Rin? It was intentional that he said he wasn't going to leave Rin 'like this', instead of promising not to leave at all.

"Who knows, maybe once he gets on his feet, he won't need me."

"Is that what you hope to happen?"

"I don't know. It's just hard right now to fathom being together forever."

"I take it you haven't told him about taking it slow yet."

"I raced against him, and the next time I see him he's a drunk blubbering mess. When have I had the time?"

"Good point. I'll help you."

"You don't have to do that Rei."

"I know, but I want to."

"Thanks" Haru muttered. There was no more words between them until they both fell asleep.


	7. I'm Glad You Came

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I have no copyright on any songs used in this chapter or any future chapters! I also have no copyrights on the names or appearances of these characters. Cause of course, if I did own Free, yaoi totally would of already happened by the end of season one. The rest of this however, is mine. ™Saphire282.

Around ten am Rin's eyes fluttered open. All the windows in the room had shades closed tight so it was dark. The next thing he was aware of was that his body was tangled up in someone else's, but he wasn't naked, so it was a positive sign that he hadn't done anything completely regrettable. The last thing he could remember was a bar and an annoying gymnast. He hoped to god he didn't end up in her room.

He shifted his body around slightly so he could better feel the person under him. Nope, not the gymnast. It was either a boy or a girl with extremely small breasts. He carefully unlaced his arms from around the person's body and pushed his torso up to get a better look at their face. He felt the unknown persons arms slide off from their loose grasp on his lower back. There was enough dim light he could tell this person had dark hair. As he stared more, shapes started to come more into focus, such as the style of the hair, the lines of the person's face. Rin knew this face well, there was no doubting it.

" _Ahh… Haru. So much for me trying to fix things. I'm so sorry for whatever I've put you through."_ He quietly sighed while slowly and carefully maneuvered out of bed without waking Haru below him. After he stood he immediately noticed Rei had sat up in bed and was staring at him, which only shamed him further for whatever crimes he committed the previous night. "I'm sorry" Rin muttered, rubbing his head as standing up made him aware that he was suffering a massive headache.

"You look like you need some coffee. Come with me." Rei said, standing from his bed, looking like he was already clothed to go out.

"Huh?" Rin questioned, but Rei already had his back turned and the door open, the least he could do is comply.

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"Wait, you expect me to do what?" Rin practically coughed up his coffee, listening to Rei's request. They were in the lobby of the hotel, which offered a free brunch buffet. "You know how ridiculous that sounds, right? I can't treat my relationship with Haru like we're on our first date! We've know each other for the past FIFTEEN years for gods sakes. You want me to take him out for dinner and do that whole awkward 'soooo what do you like to do in your spare time?' conversation?"

"Well no of course not. I'm pointing out that you claim to understand Haru but you don't notice that the notion of romantic love goes over his head?"

"Of course I know that. It's hard not to notice when he never showed an interest in girls, or boys, or… anything."

"So you come up to him with a request to be a family, how do you expect him to handle it?"

Rin paused to think for a moment and then exhaled a deep breath. "Fuck if I know. I didn't expect the wording to matter that much. I was about to back out from saying anything at all, but then I got a surge of insanity and it all spilled out of me like a vocal garbage dump."

Rei raised his eyebrow. That was a really un-beautiful way to describe a confession of love. He pressed back his glasses which were actually there this time. "Well you actually meant what you said right? Do you actually want Haruka to be your family?"

"Well yeah, but I didn't think my phrasing would bother him so much. I just wanted to make it clear that I wanted to be more than friends, and I was serious about us."

"That you hope it'll last forever." Rei spoke what Rin was embarrassed to say.

Rin just turned his face away and nodded. "It probably doesn't matter though. If he thought I was going too fast before, he's probably running for the hills after whatever the fuck I did or said last night."

"Actually I think what you did last night made your prospects with Haruka better."

Rin turned his head back to Rei and raised his eyebrow "Huh? Seriously? The fuck happened last night anyway?"

Rei chuckled "It's not really my liberty to say. You'll have to ask Haruka."

"Aww that's not fair man! It's totally your liberty to say. You were a witness to it all and I just want to know my own actions."

"I know, but the words you said meant more to Haruka than they did to me. I think he'll recall them for you when the right opportunity presents itself."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Rin was growing more frustrated by this conversation. He never liked it when he felt like he was being left out of a joke. Though this is much worse than any joke, whatever he said or did effected how Haru viewed him. And even if Rei was right that it somehow worked out for the better, he still wished he knew what happened.

Rei shrugged, refusing to comment.

"Anyway…" Rin could see that he wasn't going to get anywhere on the current topic. "I get your point that you want me to slow down, but putting it in practice is much harder. If I just leave him alone I get this feeling he'll just slip out of my fingers before giving this a chance."

"I'm not asking you to leave him alone Rin-san, just be patient. I'm on your side here, I think you and Haruka could totally be a good thing, and I'm pretty sure deep down he already loves you, but he doesn't know how to express it or recognize it. So just don't push things too much. Let him set the pace."

"I have a feeling Haru's pace is slower than a snails." Rin grumbled.

"Only until he accepts his feelings Rin-san. And after that you two will have the rest of your lives together. Isn't that worth a little patience now?"

Rin scratched the back of his head. "When you put it that way I just sound unreasonable for wanting it my way, don't I?"

"Not at all" Rei smiled reassuringly. "I understand your side just as well Rin-san. Haruka's a tough choice for a life partner, and his distance makes you anxious. Of course it would be much easier if you two agreed to be in a serious committed relationship from the get go, so you wouldn't have to worry where his heart is in this matter."

Rin stared at Rei, he wasn't comfortable with how accurately his feelings were being read. "Well it's not just that. It's more like we've been close this long and you're telling me he's not sure whether he has feelings for me or not? He knows me front to back, what side of myself am I supposed to show him that will charm him into discovering his feelings? What if he doesn't actually have any towards me?"

"He does Rin-san, I assure you he does. The both of you have loved each other far deeper than you wanted to admit until recently, but he just needs to see those feelings for what they really are. And that's hard for him, he doesn't like complicated, and you Rin-san, just pulled him into the most complicated phase of his life ever. As far is how to get him to understand romantic feelings, show him what it's like to be a boyfriend. Be sweet, be intimate, just don't go out guns blazing talking about finding a place for the two of you to live, or what you should do for your new life together. Those are the things Haruka needs to want before he's comfortable with them. And the only way he'll want those things is if he too realizes that he truly desires a life with you."

Rin raised an eyebrow. "And what makes you so sure of his feelings?"

Rei smirked, "Same way I already knew you liked him. You two just have an aura when it comes to each other. There's something private, something exclusive, something special that Haruka will most likely never have with anyone else."

Rin probably would have given Rei the stink eye for his uncharacteristically cocky way of seeming to understand his and Haru's relationship better than he does right now, but at the moment he seemed to be caught in quiet contemplation going back through most of his previous experience with Haru. Yes, it's true him and Haru have a special relationship in the matter of swimming. They light a fire under each others ass like no one else could when they raced. But he was still unsure when it comes to personal matters. So much of their lives surrounded swimming it was hard to find some personal connection completely outside of the topic. Maybe their lives are so much about swimming that having a connection through swimming was the most intimate connection they could have, but that thought didn't give him much confidence since the point of this was to go forward and leave swimming behind.

As his uncertainty about what sort of relationship he and Haru could pull off grew, it became all the more blaringly obvious that his request to more or less skip the dating part was a ridiculous idea. Sure, they've known each other for a long time, but at the same time, they didn't personally know each other very well at all. The last time they spent much time together on solid ground was when they had sixth grade together. "Hey Rei, I think I get your point on the first date idea." Rin finally spoke.

Rei looked a little confused because he couldn't see how his last statement lead to this conclusion. "Well, that's good I suppose. I'm glad you understand now." He laughed nervously in hopes to recover himself. "Though I suddenly feel like I haven't done much to help."

"No, you have. But I have to go now. There's a rehearsal for closing ceremony." Rin stuffed a waffle with jam on it between his lips to hold onto and grabbed an apple before standing up from their table.

"Oh yeah, you're performing in that this evening aren't you? I'll keep an eye out for you. Oh, and Rin-san" Rei waited till Rin's eyes fixed on him once more. "Falling in love is a nerve wracking time. You invest yourself completely to a person, and at the same time you don't know if it pays off in the end. That confliction can be so strong that it's understandable to want to avoid going through it. But, there's so much more, falling in love is exiting, and fun, and sometimes heart stopping. It's the best rush you could ever get so please remember to enjoy it."

Rin could tell by the softened expression of Rei's eyes and the tone of sweetness in his voice that he was talking from personal experience. _"Him and Nagisa seem to be doing well."_ Rin's lips turned upward. He was such a sap about romantic things even as a kid. He nodded back at Rei with his crimson eyes showing a sweet awed expression and then turned away to head back to his room to change.

As Haru woke up, he was mildly annoyed that he was alone. He didn't understand why Rin would slip away from him in the morning when he tried so insistently to spend the night. Rei shouldn't be gone either, no one needed to be dolled up until the closing ceremony this evening. He was sure most people weren't even coherent yet this morning. Still nursing their hangovers or checking for any injuries caused from whatever activities that took place during the party. Another assurance to himself that whatever perks parties are supposed to have are not worth the trouble caused later. He decided to change and go swimming, there was nothing better to do anyway.

As he entered the lobby he got bumped into by Rei, who was actually about to head back into the room. "Hey where have you been?" Haru questioned.

"Actually I just got done having breakfast with Rin." Rei looked down at Haru who was wearing nothing but a light jacket and his swimsuit. "Are you out to go swimming? You should eat first Haruka."

"You're not supposed to swim right after eating." Haru stated plainly. "Also why were you eating with Rin?"

"I told you I was going to help you get him to understand didn't I? And you still should eat! What if you passed out in the pool?" Rei practically mothered him. Haru wondered momentarily if Makoto had trained Rei to watch over him like Makoto used to do. It was slightly insulting the way his friends assumed him unable to take care of himself, but he knew it came from a place of love. This thought fleeted as the more important topic to surface.

"So, what happened? With your conversation?"

"I'm not completely sure. He says he understands he needs to take it slow but I'm not sure why. He left before he could explain his train of thought. But I'm pretty confident that he took my words to heart. He left because he needs to practice for his part in the closing ceremony, if you're wondering where he went."

" _Oh, that's where he went"_ at least one thing was clearer to Haru. Though he refused to outwardly admit he was worried about it. Rei's description left him with more questions than answers, but he decided it was probably better Rin got talked to by an outside source rather than himself. Self-expression wasn't exactly his forte and whatever he would've said would have probably been the opposite of a clear message. "Well, I thank you for your help Rei", was all he could think to say.

"Yeah, of course. I'm glad to help." He smiled, clearly enjoying being depended on by his friends. "But you're still not getting out of eating. Come, I'll sit with you until you've eaten." He started to usher the slightly annoyed Haru over to the table he was just sitting at. "So are you gonna look for Rin during the performance tonight?"

Haru looked away as he answered, "not really."

Rei softly chuckled. "That's the crappiest lie I ever heard."

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As per modern tradition of the Olympics, the ending ceremony vied to be memorable. There were hours of lights, culture, effects, and music. It was loud and immersive enough that even Haru couldn't keep his 'I'm utterly bored' face, and instead he looked almost awed at the larger than life show that went on around him. The most awe inspiring part however, was Rin, who was hard not to notice. The floor from the center of arena opened up to reveal a pool, and right in the middle, standing right on top the water, was the charming redhead himself. As music played Rin's body raised into the sky, but so did the water keeping pace with him, higher and higher up until he looked like some God of water himself, standing still on the peak of a twenty five foot wave that was continuously flowing underneath his feet. Haru was a little jealous, he thought if such a power of controlling water existed, it was more suited for him.

The thought that Haru might be jealous of this ran through Rin's head earlier in the day while he practiced, but right now he didn't think much of anything. He stood cautiously on a clear platform that was covered by the rushing water surrounding it. The surface of the platform was textured for grip, and for safety precaution he had wires attached to the hips of his swimsuit, but still there was no denying he was up high. While most sane people would be nervous he was high on adrenaline. He grinned wide to the crowds, feeling like the whole world was watching him, and he loved it. This will be a treasured moment in his life, probably the most ultimate send off a swimmer could have.

He took a deep breath, listening to the music for his cue. Thinking for the last time whoever choreographed this part might personally hate him, but what he was about to do would be magnificent, if he could do it correctly. The song started, he took a deep breath and slowly bent his right leg up so his right foot would press against his left calf, just under the knee. Then, while standing on one foot he twisted his torso as much as he possibly could to the left before using that body position to give him an explosion of momentum twirling in the opposite direction. He stood on his toes making complete spins, once, twice, three times, four times! Each one he mentally counted and hoped to god whoever controlled the wires kept up with him so they won't tangle in circles making him unexpectedly spin the other way. Luckily no such glitch occurred and he gradually came to a stop and fought back the urge to fall over from dizziness. As he stood back in his original pose of two feet against the platform he realized he just did something majestic indeed. Rin Matsuoka, Australia's cherished swimmer who danced on water.

Haru would never directly say it, but it was probably the most beautiful thing he's ever witnessed.

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After the ceremonies ended Rin gathered up his stuff and made his way to the west exit of the athlete's village. Where he texted Haru his whereabouts.

"Got it." Was all he got for a text back, but he wasn't terribly surprised. Instant messaging wasn't exactly Haru's favorite mode of conversation.

As Rin leaned against the gate, he watched a lot of people pass by. They all seemed to be coming down from the buzz of watching the ending ceremonies in person. Some people even went up to Rin and talk about how cool his part was, which he responded with smiles and thank you's. When they asked him what it was like up there he played it humble and just said 'scary'. The feeling would be tedious to explain to everyone who asks anyway. He considered writing this experience down before the feeling faded from him, possibly put it in a memoir, that's what retired public figures do right?

A half hour passed and there was still no sign of Haru. By now the crowed of people has been thinning making it possible for Rin to anxiously scan each person who passed him by. _"Maybe Rei was wrong. Maybe I did freak Haru out and he's already at an airport, running back home."_ Rin considered just going home but it's only been a half hour and really he could go home any time. Even if Haru had left he could at least wait a couple hours and then guilt Haru later for leaving him there waiting and wondering what could have possibly happened. It's the least Haru deserved for doing that and not saying anything. Of course this alternative didn't bring him any joy, just some twisted consolation prize for his anticipated loneliness.

To pass the time he pulled out his mp3 player and decided to play a song that has been a persistent earworm to him for the past couple days. He wondered if part of the songs appeal is that the lyrics suited his current life situation quite well at the moment. He only plugged in one earbud, in the case someone called out to him, and then started the song.

[ **The sun goes down** ]

[ **The stars come out** ]

Rin turned his attention back to the village area, seeing if anyone else was heading in his direction.

[ **And all that counts** ]

[ **Is here and now** ]

A moving figure slowly comes into Rin's focus, at first it's just a body with a duffle bag slung over its shoulder.

[ **My universe will never be the same** ]

The person got closer. Rin could see his general figure now and the lines of his dark hair. Just like that morning it was enough to recognize him. "Haru!" Rin cried out as his signature grin couldn't help but spread across his face. As he ran to his new lover the music continued to play in his ear.

[ **I'm glad you came** ]

[ **I'm glad you came** ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lyrics in the brackets - "I'm glad you came" performed by "The Wanted".


	8. Being A Celebrity Is Hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Step one: Spending More Time Together  
> Part 1

By day one of Haru staying over, Rin realized he indeed had good reasoning for wanting to skip the whole dating phase, though it wasn't for the reasons he originally had in mind. To put it simply, dating Haru in the traditional sense was actually impossible. For one, they lived in different continents, so it's not like they could go out and have some fun, and then drop Haru off at home. Secondly, he's an athletic celebrity in his country so going out to romantic places with another man is simply a no-no. And last, even if they could avoid bad publicity, there's the matter that Haru really isn't into sappy dates anyway. So what the hell is he supposed to do with Haru?

Really there was only one solution Rin could find. Stay in his house and hang out. Which in itself was a good bonding experience. Rin decided since his schedule dramatically opened up that he –and Haru- would start doing the things he told himself he would do as soon as he had the spare time. First thing on the list was binge watch Netflix.

He learned that Haru never had a TV in his house, which really wasn't surprising considering Haru's preferred lifestyle. So Rin offered for them to watch a variety of things so Haru could figure out if he has a preference. After a few days watching, Haru ended up with an interest for science fiction series, but he'd agree to watch anything Rin was really interested in. Haru even seemed comfortable lightly snuggling on the couch and playing with Rin's hair during TV time.

Rin also learned that Haru likes to doodle things, though what Haru considers doodles, most other people would consider to be art. When Rin complimented his work Haru seemed uninterested in it. It was just some natural talent he didn't really care if he had or not.

The most amusing thing Rin learned however, was that Haru is a meticulously clean person. It probably came from living in a small house most of his life which causes there to be no space for clutter. Rin couldn't help but crack up when he woke up after the first night of Haru staying over to find that Haru had picked up all his clothes to wash them, dusted his entertainment system, sorted all his dishes and silverware, and started to cook breakfast.

He thanked Haru for all the hard work but Haru gave him a face that said "I didn't do it for your sake", instead it's like he couldn't stand to stay in Rin's place in its current condition. Rin wasn't insulted by this. He was aware he lived like the stereotypical bachelor who committed himself so far to work that his house was neglected as a consequence. The only downside of this was it was hard for Rin to remind himself that they're taking it slow when Haru acts so much like a housewife. He cleans, and cooks with an apron for gods sakes!

That aside, Rin was quite pleased and a little surprised at how smoothly this transition was going, at least relationally speaking. For the first four days, he and Haru enjoyed spending time together and learning more about each other in peace.

Day five however, was a different story.

 

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As Haru woke up he noticed that for the first time in five days, he didn't feel extremely warm. That's because Rin, and his outrageously hot body temperature, was not snuggled up against him at the moment. In fact Rin wasn't in the room at all. Haru really hadn't expected to be waking up next to the guy every morning, but Rin insisted that it was silly of them to date but not share the same bed. If they were going to snuggle in the daytime then it should be perfectly normal of them to be in close proximity of each other while they sleep. The logic made sense to Haru, and he did promise both Rei and Rin to be open to do boyfriend things, and sharing a bed is one of them. So there he was, finding himself getting more and more adjusted to waking up with Rin's arm around his torso, and Rin's head nuzzled up against his arm, to the point he now found it odd that Rin got up and left before him.

As Haru got out of bed and stretched, he decided not to worry too much about it. Rin probably went out to get something. Considering they have been holed up in his apartment for the past four days. With that decided Haru went off the bathroom connected to the bedroom to take a quick shower and change into a clean pair of slacks. After he was clean and changed Haru opened the bedroom door with the intention of finding something to cook while waiting for Rin to come back.

As he opened the door the first thing he noticed was that there were voices, multiple noises. Rin's voice and somebody else's, maybe Rin was busy with a phone call on speaker phone. He started to walk down the hall past the kitchen towards the living room where the voices were coming from. As the room came in view, he quickly regretted getting up this morning. Haru was walking around the apartment shirtless, to find that Rin was not alone. There was two other people, a man and a woman, in the living room, and they all stopped their heated conversation for a moment to look at him.

" _What the hell is going on here?"_

Rin was the first to actually react to Haru's presence by taking a magazine off his coffee table and practically thrusting it in front of Haru's face. "Haru! Please tell me this picture is doctored! That some sleaze bag who's good at Photoshop created this." Haru focused on the magazine and quickly noticed the picture that took up most of the page. A picture of the two of them in hotel hallway, him pressed back against the door with Rin's arms wrapped around him, Rin's face nuzzling into his neck. Haru sighed heavily and lifted his eyes to Rin's face which was still pleading for good news. Haru could only look at him apologetically which was enough for Rin to decipher the truth.

As Rin turned around the other two people in the room with his face looking utterly defeated, the woman spoke next. "Rin! How could you be so careless?"

Haru assumed this woman to be Rin's publicist. The way she's acting reminds him disturbingly of how his own publicist acts when he publically 'misbehaves'. Though in Haru's case, his only misbehavior is that he's too much of a hermit. Haru thought his publicist should be so blessed that she has a client who keeps to himself, but instead she practically bites his head off to do more interviews, and smile at more photoshoots. He reached into his pocket to check his phone, and sure enough he has three missed calls from her already. The incriminating picture probably made it back to Japan. With that in mind he really doesn't want to listen to those messages from her. He turned to retreat back into the bedroom, but Rin spotted him and grabbed his wrist. Their eyes met momentarily which displayed a silent conversation.

Rin's eyes stated _"Stay. I need you with me now."_

Haru's responded _"At least let me get a shirt on."_

As if Rin was prepared for such a situation, he picked up a dark red tank top from the couch and threw it to Haru, who begrudgingly slipped it on and went to lay on an over-plush black pleather love seat. That piece of furniture quickly became Haru's go to spot to be during the times Rin was busy with other things and wasn't cuddling him. Haru wasn't sure why he liked lying in it so much considering it was too short for such a use. He had to press his legs against the wall of an armrest and let his feet dangle off the edge. As Haru settled in, Rin sat on the floor under him, leaning back against the loveseat. He was still trying to think of an acceptable reason for his actions while his publicist looked to be growing more impatient by the second. "It was my fault." Haru softly said, in broken English. At least his proficiency in the language improved enough for him to follow most conversations, though his speaking still had a heavy accent.

Everyone once again turned to him, as he reached down and placed a soft hand on Rin's shoulder. It was obvious Rin was desperate to be soothed by some sort of contact. "He was out partying and came to my room drunk. He didn't know better at the time but I should of." Rin looked up to him with surprised eyes. It was unlike Haru to put any unnecessary trouble onto himself. Haru honestly just felt a pang of sympathy from watching someone else sweat under the glare of a demon publicist.

Her eyes seemed to soften at Haru's comment. "Apologies for my bad manners Nanase-san. I'm Abby. You've never met me but I worked with your publicist Yuki to run a human interest story between you and Rin. Two guys who met as kids, reunited in high school, then you both managed to be top names in international swimming. You couldn't make up a better story than that." Haru turned his head to the side to look at her and nodded, to let her know he was following her speaking. "It may sound strange, but between running that story, and how much Rin speaks of you, I feel like I've already known you for a long time."

Haru raised an eyebrow and looked to Rin. Rin glanced back for a moment looking slightly embarrassed. _"Seems Rei was right"._ Haru's thoughts didn't go very much past that, he was momentarily amused with Rin trying to pretend it's no big deal how much he talks about him.

Abby interrupted their silent conversation again, her eyes back onto her client. "Despite Nanase-san's kind apologies, it still doesn't excuse you for getting drunk and being a total idiot."

"Everyone was getting drunk Abby" Rin defended.

"Yes but not everybody was wandering off to practically make out with their best friend of the same gender out in the hallway for the whole damn world to see, now were they!?" She was obviously not in the mood for excuses. "But there's nothing we can do about it now. We have to tackle this proactively. When do you two plan to officially announce being together?"

"What?" Haru practically yelped, his eyes widening.

Rin already knew Haru wouldn't go for the idea of publically announcing their relationship, but he still couldn't help but feel a selfish bit of disappointment surge through him that Haru seemed so panicked about the two of them being known. He actually didn't mind the idea himself. He came to terms with being bisexual shortly after puberty, he's just never gotten caught in any sort of scandal before because he's never really gone to the places gay men go to meet up.

Also he liked the idea because if he and Haru went public then it would make it a lot easier on their relationship in the long run. They would eventually need to stop hiding in his house, and it is awfully unfair for them that they can't be themselves around each other anywhere outside their own homes. Now with this picture floating around, just the two of them going out as friends would still warrant unwanted attention and speculation.

Haru was just about voice his protests on this issue, but Rin put a finger over his lips before he had the chance. They exchanged glances once again and Haru backed down letting Rin handle Abby.

"Problem is we've only really gotten together a week ago. It's a little too soon to be announcing our partnership. We're still testing the waters you see" Rin chuckled a little bit at himself. Ah, swimmers humor. It's so underappreciated. "Anyway, if things don't work out with us, or even if there's suspicion that there's something wrong between us, then the media is just going to attack us like sharks. Which will only escalate the stress between us." Haru nodded in agreement as Rin finished his statement.

Haru's eyes wandered to the other man in the room. It was probably because Rin's publicist was so loud, but he found it eerie that this man was so quiet and still, that it seemed like he wasn't really there. The only reason he caught Haru's attention is that the man seemed to stare at Rin at him with a confused expression. Maybe he wasn't expecting Rin to confirm that he was in a homosexual relationship. Not everyone can be like Rin's publicist and accept that an athletic celebrity is shaking up with another man without so much as batting an eyelash. He didn't look to be angered or disgusted though, just a little shaken. Haru wanted to know who this man was or why he was there. His eyes asked those questions as he looked at the man, but the guy looked away when he noticed Haru. Haru's eyes then flickered back at Abby, who looked to be roughly running her fingers through her hair, probably as a stress tick.

"Well you very well can't just leave this news alone, and it'll look worse if you deny it." Abby spoke after some deliberation. "Look I know you two want some privacy in these matters, and it sucks this picture came out." She gave Rin the evil eye again as she made that statement. "But it's out. Doing nothing will cause wild speculation, and if you say the photo is fake it'll turn into an even bigger scandal if whoever took the original picture can prove it. Then not only are you two a couple, you're a couple who's ashamed of themselves and trying to discredit the integrity of another athlete."

"An athlete who took pictures while everyone's drunk and partying, and then anonymously sends said pictures to gossip magazines, that person has no integrity!" Rin spat out angrily.

"Hey I'm not the one persecuting you Rin. I'm just laying out the consequences so you can make an informed decision, and really it still looks like you two going public will have the best outcome. Yes, you'll make enemies in the homophobic community, but it'll be vastly outnumbered by the masses of people who will be deeply moved by how the childhood friends turned fierce competitors end up back into each other's lives as lovers! It all goes full circle." Haru and Rin were both a little alarmed how she had this glint in her eye, it was obvious that really good human interest stories brings out a bit too much passion in Abby's soul.

Rin looked up to Haru hoping that maybe this presentation of options changed Haru's mind about publically announcing themselves, but Haru's face still stated _"No absolutely not"._

"Sorry, Abby." Rin turned back to her "I can't do it if Haru doesn't want to. But I do have an alternative suggestion. What if we give people even bigger news to focus on? Big enough that this story would be covered up and forgotten."

Abby raised her eyebrow, she was both intrigued but doubtful Rin had something that big up his sleeve. "What do you have in mind?"

"How about my retirement?" Rin said with the straightest, calmest face possible.

"WHAT?! ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME?"

Rin gulped, his back pressed even harder against the loveseat. He looked like he wanted to climb in there and hide under Haru. "O-of course not."

"When you decide all this?"

"During the Olympics. I already told my coach and team." Rin's eyes met with the silent mans as he said this. The guy nodded reassuringly. Considering his age it couldn't be one of Rin's team members so Haru figured him to be the coach. "I actually called you both here to talk about the best approach to handling this, but then you burst in having a fit about this magazine."

"Rin, are you sure about this? This isn't something you do lightly."

"Yeah, there's no doubt I'll miss this, but I've had some talks with coach and I've done a lot of thinking on my own, so I'm confident it's my time to get out of the game."

"And what of Nanase-san?" Haru blinked at the unexpected turn of attention back to him. "You entered the professional swimming world the same time Rin did right? Do you have any plans on retiring soon as well?"

Ah, that question. Rin had avoided asking Haru that even though he really wanted the answer. In one way it's probably the most selfish thing to ever ask Haru. Swimming is ingrained into Haru's being and no one should request him to give it up. The sad flipside is that if he decided to continue working in the world of competitive sports, it creates a schedule where having a satisfying relationship outside of work is nearly impossible.

"I'm taking a break." Haru stated plainly. He didn't want to make any commitments one way or another. He agreed to take the time see if developing a new relationship with Rin was possible. Until that was settled there was no point in re-evaluating his whole future.

"He's staying here for a little while to support me through this decision." Rin quickly chimed in to cover for Haru's cold and curt answer.

Abby's face suddenly lit up at Rin's comment. "Actually that could work in so many ways! Rin! Thank You!"

"What could?" Rin asked.

"Let's play up Nanase-san as the perfect best friend. You come to his room one night all depressed because you're quitting swimming, and you needed someone who relates to how hard it is to give up such a passion. Suddenly that picture is just a heart wrenching moment of your breakdown when you need to hold onto him and know that he's there for you. Then say someone catches a photograph of you two coming out of the apartment together. Only further proof that he's staying by your side as moral support and helping you navigate your life towards its new path. Also, if by chance ya'll decide later to publically come out as a couple, you can say that you just naturally grew closer during this important time together. This is practically fool proof as long as you two idiots don't make out in public again while still not wanting people to know."

"I'm leaving in a week and a half." Haru commented.

Both Abby and Rin's coach looked up to Haru curiously as if to ask him why he leaving so soon. Especially since he's going to a place that's an ocean away from his boyfriend who obviously needs him. Haru just turned away and looked at the ceiling, the arrangements he's made with Rin is none of their business.

"That's fine" Abby's voice was harder, she was obviously hoping for a heartwarming story come true. "We just need to do the publicity stuff while you're still here. Have you two sitting next to each other in a televised press conference, get an official statement from you about how concerned your about Rin, possibly say something insightful about him as a kid that makes you have faith in him for his future endeavors. It'll be enough material to get the general message to stick, and after that you're both free in the clear."

Haru nodded and turned his head back to face Abby. "Can you please coordinate your message with Yuki? That way the story stays unified in both Australia and Japan. That is if it's not too much trouble."

Abby wasn't stupid. She knew Haru's real motives were to avoid lecture from his own personal dragon lady, but it probably would be good to coordinate so she accepted his request.

It took another half hour of negotiating and slight bickering before a well scripted farewell message was formed for Rin to memorize, and a schedule be set for him to announce his retirement. Of course Haru was now going to be dragged into each and every event to emphasize his role as a supporting best friend.

" _Somehow, this doesn't seem like bonding time anymore."_ Haru and Rin thought nearly simultaneously.

 


	9. The Crying Boy In Haru's Head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spending More Time Together. Part Two.

As soon as Abby and Rin's astonishingly inconspicuous coach closed the apartment door behind them, Rin walked back to the loveseat Haru was still lounging and knelt in front of it before letting his head fall forward so his face nuzzled into the edge of Haru's chest. He then let out an exhausted and frustrated sigh.

"Such a pain." Haru muttered softly.

"I'm sorry." Rin's voice strained in a way that Haru could tell he was sincere about it.

"For what?" Haru asked.

"Everything" Rin groaned into his chest.

"It's not your fault, I just think this is stupid. Just because we're good swimmers doesn't mean our lives should be open public commentary."

"That's true" Rin said gloomily.

Haru tenderly wrapped an arm around Rin's shoulders and rubbed up and down Rin's arm. Rin gave him an appreciative smile. "Hey Haru?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you thought about what you're going to do when you retire swimming?"

"I have actually."

"Really?" Rin tilted his head up so Haru could see him smirk "that's unlike you."

"Well I learned the first time it's not the best idea to wait till the last moment to decide things like that."

Rin's face turned to embarrassment, he probably should have learned that too after he saw what Haru went through during their senior year in high school. "So what'd you come up with?"

"I want to be a chef, and open my own restaurant." Haru had small hints of a smile as he said it. It wasn't a grandiose or very exiting dream, but he felt like it was a path that suits him.

"You can't have a restaurant that only serves Mackerel." Rin teased.

Haru flicked Rin's forehead. "Hey. I've learned to eat other things. You haven't been seeing me starve myself to death while staying at your apartment that is completely devoid of fish. Besides," Haru looked away and softly pouted "there are a lot of Mackerel recipes out there. Definitely enough to make a menu out of."

Rin chuckled, knowing his guess of Haru's type of restaurant was dead on. "So it's still your favorite dish I see. But you're right, I didn't notice till now you've been getting better on handling abstinence from your Mackerel addiction, I am so proud of you." Rin ruffled Haru's hair. Haru stared at him with a slightly annoyed expression, knowing he was being patronized. "Well then, once you start a restaurant you'll offer me a job right?"

"I'll make you a waiter." Haru teased back.

Rin scoffed but then grinned. "That's fine, I'll just be the sexiest damn waiter in your whole staff."

"Just for that, I plan to only hire extremely attractive men for my wait staff."

"I'll still beat them."

"Are you sure?" Haru raised an eyebrow challengingly.

Rin narrowed his eyes at Haru for a moment in response to hearing such a challenge, but then just laughed. "You're just unaware of how beautiful and charming the general population thinks I am."

"The general population has yet to get to know you." Haru smirked.

"Oi! That was uncalled for Haru."

"Nah, you asked for it. Anyway we should eat, **we** have a televised event announcing your retirement in three hours."

Rin sighed and stood up, rubbing the back of his neck in frustration. "Damn Abby can book things quick." Rin paused to sigh and offered his hand to help Haru up from his awkward laying position. "But I guess it can't be helped. I didn't mean to drag you so much into this but I'm kind of glad I'm not doing this alone."

Haru simply nodded after he was pulled to his feet. He knew Rin was hiding just how much he was really scared of retiring without someone who cares by his side. Even if Rin had forgotten that night in the village, Haru knew Rin was just as vulnerable now as he was then. As if to comfort that crying boy still in his head, he leaned close and caught Rin by surprise with a soft, kind, kiss. Then he quickly he turned away without any explanation and started to make them a late breakfast.

 

* * *

 

 

Haru knew that publicity responsibilities were the devil. It wasn't just a matter of his antisocial personality. Even Rin, who usually handled these situations with relative ease still looked to be exhausted after a day like this. The TV interview that was planned to be an hour, ended up being three hours by the time Rin gave up answering questions. There were also plenty of questions for Haru as well, which he wasn't expecting. After all why would a bunch of Australian reporters care about someone who swims for Japan?

Haru simply gave his preplanned speech of how much the swimming world will lack without Rin's presence, even though internally he didn't feel like he was qualified to be an ambassador of the whole swimming world. He then finished his speech with some words of comfort that Rin would be amazing in whatever he tackles next, and how he expects great things in his best friends future. The more sentimental attendants of the press conference absolutely loved it, and didn't hold it against Haru when he refused to speak or answer any questions after making his statement.

They were then whisked away to a radio interview which, unsurprisingly, wanted more details on the moment the intimate photo was taken. That was another hour of the two of them twisting the truth, and managing their stories. Haru had to talk more in this interview as the DJ was real interested in hearing each moment of the story from both their viewpoints. Rin was still holding his hand during that interview, despite the fact there was no camera's to see it. This only confirmed Haru's beliefs that him staying close wasn't only for the sake of the public story they were portraying.

He couldn't help but wonder if Rin would have seriously broke down by now if he was doing this alone. Telling the world over and over in intimate detail about how he's giving up everything that possibly ever mattered in his life, with no hand to hold onto. Nothing to look forward to, just an abyss of time ahead of him with no meaning or direction. This caused Haru's chest to tighten and his breathing to come up short as suddenly it looked like Rin wasn't the one who was teetering on a break down.

He was broken from this spell of fear by noticing Rin's eyes met with his. Rin looked to be concerned and confused by Haru's sudden change. No, that isn't right, the last thing he wanted was to be comforted when it's supposed to be the other way around. He wanted more than anything to keep Rin away from that imagined abyss. Once again it felt like he wanted to comfort that crying boy that Rin was hiding inside himself, but they were at a radio studio so the most he could do was show Rin a reassuring smile that everything was alright and softly squeezed their hands together. Rin smiled back and the show continued.

 

* * *

 

 

Now its ten pm as they finally stumbled back into Rin's apartment, take out dinner in hand. They were both too exhausted to bother cooking. They felt like they managed to survive hell on earth. At least it was over. Abby decided the most merciful tactic was to get all the interviews done on one day. That way they can enjoy the rest of the short period of time Haru was there. Though Rin had a feeling at least the next few days they'll be in recovery mode from being picked apart from the media. At least now they have a valid excuse for spending most the day binge watching Netflix. Rin smirked at that thought, probably the first real facial expression he's put on for hours.

"I'm going to go shower first." Rin grumbled, he wasn't grumbling at Haru, it was just hard to be chipper when he was drained both physically and mentally.

Haru silently nodded permission and then watched Rin drag himself into the bedroom. After Rin was out of sight he let out a tired sigh and dragged himself to the kitchen, placing the bag of take out on the table before getting out plates and silverware. As he was setting the table there was a knock on the door.

" _Now they're invading his apartment as well? Vultures don't know when to give up."_ Haru somewhere found the energy to be furious at the idea of the media still digging deeper into their private lives. This is no way to treat any human being. He wanted so bad to open the door and yell into the face of whatever dumb reporter thought this was okay, but he knew his outburst would only cause another flair of bad publicity for Abby and Yuki to deal with. Of course this thought only angered him more. Somehow his and Rin's lives were up for mass interrogation and speculation, and yet him defending his own right to privacy makes him the bad guy.

Knock. Knock. Knock. There it was again, more persistently, but Haru refused to answer. If he can't yell at the guy the least he could do is not give the reporter the satisfaction of an answer. Guy could wait out there all he wants, he will not ask another question or flash another picture.

The knocking stopped, in the silence Haru could hear the doorknob start to turn. _"Really?! This idiot is so desperate he's going to trespass to get a story?"_ Haru crossed over to living room where Rin happened to keep a digital camera and picked it up to turning it on. Whoever this idiot was Haru was going to get a picture for a police report.

As Haru's eyes focused on the preview screen, the only thing his mind was able to register was that whoever was trespassing wasn't a reporter. Instead he saw something much worse. It was a very large man who was barreling towards him.

" _Who the hell!?"_

As if immobilized by confusion, Haru stood still until he was slammed into a wall, which created a reverberating cracking sound. The camera fell out of his hand and skidded across the floor. The next sensation he noticed was both his arms being pinned to walls, pressed down by this mystery man's elbows. Lastly he noticed a pair of dead teal eyes glaring into his sapphire blue ones. Haru thought this man had the expression of a dead fish.

"Rin!" Haru cried out, even though it was unlikely to be heard over the shower.

"I told you not to get in his way again." The man spoke for the first time with an almost deadly calm to his voice. "What the hell did you do to him Nanase?"

It was with that line that Haru managed to decipher who this person was. Sosuke Yamazaki. Their first meeting started like that, a warning for him to stay out of Rin's way. Which was of course, a massive misunderstanding, and yet here again with their first meeting in a decade, Haru finds history to be repeating itself. What was Sosuke angry about this time anyway? That Rin quit swimming? That the two of them are obviously dating despite best attempts to persuade people otherwise? Both? None of that is his fault! Everything that's happened so far is because of Rin's decisions, though he wasn't sure if he could really convince Sosuke to believe that message. He wasn't really in a good position here to anger Sosuke any more, no matter what the truth is.

"Answer me Nanase!" His calm broke as his voice now sounded more frustrated.

"What are you talking about Sosuke?" was all he was able to say with a bit of non-terrified dignity. _"That's right. Just keep him talking. Just long enough for Rin to come out."_

"Don't give me that shit Nanase! I saw the damn press conference, and I found that damn picture on the internet. Rin quit and I bet you're the one to blame."

"How do you recon that?" Haru spoke a little calmer now, seeing as his plan is somewhat working.

"Because Rin would never quit swimming on his own. You must have gotten into his head, you always do you bastard. I bet after you beat him in freestyle you used his loss against him. Convinced him that it was time to quit, and then offered him the chance to have whatever twisted love game you're playing as a consolation prize. You rather like having my best friend wrapped around your finger don't you? Well I won't let you! I'll get him to see the light, and get him back on track to his life's goals."

"You mean your life's goals, dontchu?" A strangely quiet but stern voice spoke as both Sosuke's and Haru's heads turned to see Rin standing at the edge of the living room with just a towel wrapped around his hips. He had heard what sounded like an argument as soon as he turned off the shower, so he hurried to see what was going on, leaving the rest of his body dripping wet as he stood there. After a few seconds dragged on of the two of them looking at him, Rin took a few steps forward, staring Sosuke down with an almost dead and hardened expression that could rival the face Sosuke gave Haru earlier. "You. Get the fuck off my boyfriend."

The pressure of Sosuke's elbows pressed against Haru's arms lessened, but suddenly Sosuke was the one frozen in place under somebody's glare. Rin just continued to close the gap between them and firmly planted him palm against Sosuke's gut, roughly pushing him away and then seemingly ignoring his presence as he slowly took Haru's arms and lowered them, his expression turning concerned as he looked over his mate for any possible injury. _"Are you okay?"_ His eyes asked.

" _Yeah I'm fine. Just take care of him"_ was Haru's facial reply.

Rin turned around to face Sosuke, his face once again cold as ice. Whether or not it was intentional, it seemed as if he was brutally punishing Sosuke by giving his 'enemy' something he couldn't have. Haru got Rin's affection and concern, but those beautiful caring eyes were reserved only for Haru. Meanwhile the looks Sosuke could see were devoid of any kindness or weakness. Rin was silently building a wall to keep him out. The harshness of it made Sosuke unconsciously take a step back away from the person he came to talk to in the first place.

"So you admit it then? That you two are dating." Sosuke asked softly. He was almost sure of it in the first place but it seemed to send a shock threw his system to hear Rin clearly admit to it.

Rin raised his eyebrow, still coldly staring at him. "And if we are? What is it to you?"

"I don't like him Rin." Sosuke nearly whispered, now in his own way trying not to rattle his attacker too much.

"Well no duh. We established this years ago didn't we?"

"He's not good for you." Sosuke continued, as if the words running through his mind couldn't help but be spoken, no matter what the circumstances. "Whenever he's involved you get irrational. He distracts you from your life. From your dreams. Whenever he's involved in something you just lose track of yourself, and lately he's around you all the damn time. You can't see clearly, and now you're so wrapped up into him that he's done something to make you want to quit swimming again."

By the end of his list of grievances Sosuke's voice was trembling with desperation for his friend to see the light. The situation eerily mirrored an intervention, where Sosuke confronts Rin for getting hooked onto a heavy drug called Haruka, and now he's slowly watching his best friend fade away from this world to become a junkie. This was his desperate plea to Rin to wake up and go to rehab before it's too late.

Despite the obvious raw desperation that Sosuke displayed, Rin refused to even once show a flicker of emotion. He knew he had to be strong and draw the line. This day was too emotionally exhausting as it was without Sosuke's visit, and now with his old friend barging into his apartment and assaulting his boyfriend, he just really wanted to cry. Cry, and scream, and possibly hit something. But first he must handle this. _"Be strong. Don't cry. You will not cry. Just get him the hell out of here."_

"Haru has nothing to do with my quitting, Sosuke." Rin's voice came out so calm he even surprised himself on how well he was outwardly managing his emotions. "I decided that I needed to move on by myself, and then I made a royal ass of myself by almost literally dragging him along in this whole mess. The same night I realized that it's time to throw in the towel as far as competitive swimming, I also had an epiphany that Haru's my effin soul mate. Then I dumped all those thoughts and expectations on him because if I didn't have him right now, well I'd be scared of whatever condition I'd end up in. Not that, that's any excuse for what I've put him through anyway. So yeah, if you want to blame someone for my choices right now, then blame me, because I made them." Rin stretched his arms out to the sides, to emphasize the fact he's ready to take a hit, whether it be physical, verbal, or both.

Sosuke had no hits left in him, only confusion and betrayal surged into his system. The facts were still the same. Rin still quit swimming, and in some weird result of it, he and Haru were around each other enough that they were practically conjoined twins. But Sosuke came over to Rin's apartment with the idea that Haru had been pulling all the strings in this shift of events. He could tell Rin wasn't lying to him that he was mistaken on who was in control, but now he didn't know what to do with that information. He still thought Rin was making mistakes in his life by doing this, but he wasn't prepared to save him from his own decisions. He knew Rin would completely shut him out if he actually did try. He had to say something though, so he decided to go with something he had the right to feel betrayed about.

"Why didn't you tell me personally about your decision Rin? Why did I have to find out by one of my students coming up to me and going 'it must be hard for you, having that friend you always brag about suddenly quit.' One of my students knew it before I did Rin, and I, like an idiot, tried to argue that he was mistaken. That he must have heard something wrong, or the news came from a bad source, because my friend would've told me if he was thinking of retirement. Well he pulled out his smart phone, found a video post of your press conference and made me a fool."

Rin let out a small frustrated sigh. "I didn't tell you because I know how you'd react. You'd vehemently try to stop the press conference from ever happening. You'd argue over and over again that I'm making the biggest mistake of my life."

"Well you are! You've trained and swam since we were kids. Twenty years of work and now you're giving it up and losing track of your dream."

"No Sosuke, I completed my dream. It's you're dream you're angry about. You need to let it go. I cannot swim for you."

"This isn't about me Rin!"

"Are you sure?" Rin quirked up his eyebrow again. Sosuke didn't respond. There were a million words running through his head but it all played out as weeping, ranting, gooblety gook. They just stared at each other. Sosuke's ever changing face of frustration, betrayal, and desperation, against Rin's complete coldness which was starting to crack.

The air in the room became thick. It felt like they were surrounded by gasoline and any word could start a flash fire. Haru's body tensed uncomfortably against the wall. He wished there was something he could say or do just to make this moment pass by quicker. Maybe Rin and Sosuke were too absorbed in what to fire back at each other, that they're blind to the fact that backing away **right now** is beneficial to all of them. Once again, Rin spoke as if reading Haru's mind. "Go home Sosuke, you've said all you wanted to say."

Sosuke huffed out a breath. It was against his pride to do so, but really, he knew he should take the offer to get out since he couldn't find the words to say anyway. He could probably talk till he's blue in the face and yet he knew with every passing word he'd only make things worse. Knowing that fact made it even more frustrating, but he should still go, he needs to reassess the situation and figure what he needs to come terms with. He slowly backed away into hall towards the door. He didn't break away from looking at Rin until he was a step away from backing up against the exit.

The last look on his face was apologetic. He wasn't sure what he actually expected to accomplish tonight, but this wasn't it. He then turned away and exited, shutting the door more harshly than needed, leaving Rin and Haru to silently stand there, staring in the direction of the door as the sound of Sosuke's exit rang in their ears. They mentally understood it was over. It was over and yet there was no relief.

Without consent to do so, Rin's composure completely shattered as soon as the door slammed. At first his fingers trembled, then his wrists began to shake. The tremors worked their way up his arms, into his shoulders, as his breathing pitched to an erratic dry heave. Even while breathing so heavily it felt like he had no oxygen at all. It wasn't until he saw a clear droplet roll off his chin did he realize that he was crying. He lifted a hand up to his cheek and felt the warm flow of liquid emotion, leaving his skin raw and irritated underneath.

Damnit, he didn't want to cry. He promised himself he wouldn't cry. The last thing he wanted was to put extra pressure on Haru to help hold him together. He felt like once again he was inconveniencing Haru by being selfish and wanting comfort while his whole world is falling around him, and everyone from the general media, to his once close childhood friend is questioning his decisions.

Little did Rin know, not only had Haru seen him cry about this situation before, but Haru was in a way expecting this to happen. Haru of course didn't enjoy his expectations coming true, but he couldn't help but notice that maybe the images that kept running through his mind earlier was some sort of a premonition. Not that having said premonition did him any good. He wasn't able to keep Rin from breaking down, and seeing it coming didn't lessen how hard it was to watch the breakdown unfold in front of him.

It took a moment before he remembered to move. He'd been stuck in place ever since Sosuke slammed into him. As he took his first step there was a shooting pain in his back, but really considering what happened that wasn't surprising. His pain wasn't important right now, his pain could be healed with a chiropractor and a few days rest, it was nothing like having a broken heart or mind.

He limped over to Rin, who now had his head hung down with his burgundy hair hiding his face. He stepped closer and wrapped one arm around Rin's shoulder pulling him in close, his other palm already reaching up to softly pet the back of Rin's head. Rin immediately accepted Haru's embrace, and returned it tightly, making Haru wince from the pressure on his bruised back.

Rin pressed his face into Haru's shoulder, he wasn't sure if he was shedding anymore tears because the entirety of his face below his eyes was all soaked and irritated. Even while being comforted he still struggled to regulate his breathing. "It's not fair." Was all he was able to get out in a whining cracking voice. His throat burned terribly as he did so.

"I know it's not fair. Trust me I hate this too." Haru murmured soothingly into his ear. He could feel Rin's body lean even more into his, probably feeling exhausted from crying so hard. "How about we go to bed now?"

Rin weakly nodded, but didn't seem interested in loosening his grip from his only source of comfort. So Haru had to gently pry Rin's arms off him and then kept one arm over Rin's shoulder to take him to the bedroom.

Rin was snuggled up against him more than usual that night. It was just like the night back in the Olympic village, with Rin once again laying completely on top of him. He assumed Rin found comfort in closeness, therefore the more they touched the more it eased him. At this point Haru didn't mind it as much as he did that first night, even though the way Rin exhaled still caused a tingling sensation against his skin. After he spent a few minutes watching Rin sleep, he softly muttered to himself "I don't think today was what Rei had in mind, as far as spending more time together."

Little did he know, that it's the completely stressful, and enormously difficult days like today that either forge or break relationships. That being there for each other in desperate moments of emotional weakness is the start of a bond much closer than what they had before.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Step one. End.


	10. The Elements Of Attraction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Step two. Gaining Attraction.   
> Introduction.

For the past few days, Haru's been staring at Rin with very curious eyes. Rin finds this to be amusing and a good sign that Haru's interest in him is growing. Though he probably wouldn't feel so good if he could read what specifically Haru was curious about. That's because with each of those stares, Haru is wondering _"how do I gain attraction for Rin?"_ It's possible that Rin was able to read the word attraction from Haru's mind, and hopeful thinking screened out the rest.

Haru really didn't like the second step required of him in relationship progression. The first step was easy. Spend time together. Well, he's staying at Rin's apartment, and neither of them have left the apartment very much, so spending time together is inevitable. Attraction, however is a completely different game.

Even though Rei advised him not to, he felt like he had no choice but to use his database of knowledge acquired from girls manga's in order to understand what constitutes being attracted to someone. First you need to like them. Well he and Rin had been friends since middle school, and Haru surely isn't the type of people pleaser who'd keep friendships with people he didn't like, so obviously he likes Rin.

Next is finding them visually appealing. Haru's eye's scanned over Rin's body next to him as he pondered this aspect. Despite the disarray of his living space, Rin took very good care of himself as far as grooming. He kept his body clean, he always smelled nice, his skin was unblemished, and he was clean shaven. Beyond grooming was the fact that he was tall, very fit, had longish hair that was soft as silk, and unique crimson eyes that could scare people, until they realized the possessor of those eyes was as kind as a teddy bear.

Haru thought the most striking feature about him in though was his smile. That moment when his lips part and his shining eyes crinkle a little bit as he exposes his shark toothed grin. Even though Rin's abnormally pointed teeth was another trait of intimidation, Haru found the trait to be another thing that made Rin one of a kind. As he thought about it, he realized that he appreciated the way Rin grinned for a long while now, even before he was trying to consider Rin in a romantic sense. He found that the way Rin lit up every time they met, also lifted him up a little too, even if he refused to outwardly express it.

Haru wasn't conscious of the fact that his eyes had been fixed onto Rin's lips while he was in his deep contemplation. Rin however couldn't help but notice it from the corner of his eye, the way Haru seemed to be staring. _"I can't tell if he's trying to be coy or if he's just shy."_ Rin thought before he turned to face Haru and caught him by surprise with a kiss. Rin had been very careful not to be overwhelmingly affectionate with Haru this past week, but since Haru was so clearly begging to be kissed, he allowed himself to abandon some of his restraint. He slightly lowered his mouth in order to suck in Haru's lower lip, running the tip of his tongue against it inside his mouth. He gained the sweetest reward of hearing Haru softly whine in pleasure. God, just the noise alone was like a hot button to awaken his primal side. He broke the kiss to find Haru's cheeks slightly painted pink, and his eyes murky as he panted for air. _"Too adorable. It's unfair you're so inviting."_ He had to look away, he promised himself he'd be good and not have sex again until Haru said he was comfortable with it. He mustn't complicate things by getting lost in passionate urges, especially since he started them in the first place.

Haru's head felt light, his cheeks felt warm, and on top of that he now felt slightly horny. _"How annoying. Why did he need to distract me like that when I'm trying to figure out if I'm attracted to him?!"_ Haru softly sighed and nuzzled his face deep against the side of Rin's chest. It seemed like an odd way to hide from Rin, but he figured this would be the best way to hide his face from being read into, and also keep it safe from any further surprise assault. He both felt and heard Rin softly chuckle in response to his actions, but then Rin turned back to TV, draping his arm securely around Haru's side.

So where was he again? Oh yes, visual appeal. Haru quickly reviewed his thoughts previous to the sudden disruption and decided that, at least by societal standards, Rin was a catch. Haru also understood that he surely didn't find Rin's appearance to be in anyway ugly. In fact, in some ways, he found Rin to be quite beautiful, but he still wasn't convinced that this was a sign of attraction. Girls especially recognize and compliment the beauty of other people of the same sex all the time, but it doesn't mean they admire it in a romanticized or sexualized way. Haru found himself to be in that situation where he simply acknowledges that Rin is a really good looking guy.

The last requirement Haru could think of is a desire of spending time with the person of attraction. Haru had mixed feelings on this topic, because by nature he is a private person. So really it's hard for him to have a genuine desire to spend time with anyone. On the other hand, he can admit that up until very recently, he and Rin didn't spend nearly enough time together. After all, back when they met in middle school, he and Rin never saw each other outside of school and swim club. After that Rin went to Australia, and when he did come back, they were in separate high schools, and absorbed in spending time with their own separate teams. After graduation Rin was gone overseas again. It's sort of a miracle that they've remained friends all these years, let alone progress into anything else. With that timeline in mind Haru recalled that there were various times in the past he wished Rin was around more often. He used to hope that they could meet outside of competition settings. Of course he refused to be so needy as to voice these wishes to Rin and anyone else for that matter.

As he tallied up all his thoughts on Rin and the topic of attraction, the result made him less than confident. He knows he likes Rin, but only because he'd have to like him in order to stay friends. He finds Rin to be beautiful, but only recognizes his beauty in a platonic way. He knows he and Rin should spend more time together only because in reality they spent very little time together in the past. In the end, even though he fits all the criteria he could think of for someone who attracted to somebody else, all these ingredients were missing something.

He didn't feel like he really matched how the all the characters in the manga act. Attraction is more portrayed as a strong trance over the person. Not only does the person like their object of attraction, but they think nearly constantly about that person, and believe that person is somehow made perfectly for them. Not only do they find the person to be visually appealing, but they burn the image of the person into their brain, and find those physical aspects to be some sort of turn on, or something they could stare at all day. Lastly not only do people want to spend time with their object of attraction, but the desire to do so is so intense that there's a certain boredom and loneliness experienced as soon as they separate.

" _Desire… yes."_ Haru realized that to be what was missing in all these elements. He was lacking in desire for Rin. Though knowing this only seemed to frustrate him even more. While at this point he had already gone above and beyond expectations of giving a relationship a try, he still didn't just want to tell himself that he tried, and admit defeat before achieving step two. It wasn't so much he really had much drive to see this relationship till the end, after all, he was still unsure a romantic relationship was even the least bit suiting to his normal lifestyle. It's more along the lines that he had already put in the effort of staying at Rin's apartment for eight days and leaving before gaining attraction would just be wasted time and effort. Haru hated more than anything to make an effort to do something unless it would produce some sort of good in his life. Though at this point maybe good was too much to ask for, but he still refused to let it go without some sort of result other than spending two weeks of watching TV, and receiving more affection then he ever thought he'd be comfortable with in his life.

" _I just don't know how to see him through the lens of attraction. I've known him since we were practically kids, and I've only thought of him as a friend since then. Now I'm supposed to look at him and think he's a sexy devil? Someone I don't want to live without? How the hell am I expected to do that?"_ Haru thought he heard a term for this issue from one of the many seemingly useless conversations he's overheard in social settings. Friend…. Zoned, was it? The term made some sense to him now. He used to think it was weird excuse for people to reject possibly good romantic partners just because they've achieved a stable lesser amount of intimacy beforehand. If anything, it's logical to progress to deeper intimacy with people you're already comfortable with. But even though it is logical to date your friends, it seems the schematics of romantic relationships are the opposite of logical.

" _Maybe I should ask Rin about it?"_ When Haru first started wondering about the nature of attraction he ruled out asking Rin, because for one it's embarrassing, and secondly he didn't want to offend Rin by saying he was having trouble being attracted to him. But maybe Rin knew something about how to get passed this friend zone thing. After all, Rin also viewed him as a friend for a long time as well. It's not like Rin had romantic feelings for him from the start right?

" _I could tell by the way he talked, he already truly loved you then."_ Rei's words about the way Rin acted in high school hauntingly echoed in his mind. What if Rin had been in love with him from the start, and that's why he adjusted to this new relationship so easily? Does that mean there's no hope for him to get passed viewing things in the friend zone? More importantly than that, if Rin loved him from the start, why the hell did he wait so long to say anything about it? The pressure was once again starting to weigh down on Haru. Rin's arm around his waist stopped being a source of comfort and felt more like a restraint holding him down when he so desperately wanted to sprint out of the apartment and run away.

" _CALM DOWN YOU BAKA."_ All thoughts ceased as Haru managed to drown them out with a single internal scream. _"Doesn't Rin deserve a chance to talk things out before I turn away? Didn't this start with me wanting to embrace this relationship? I should at least tell him what's wrong. Preferably before I go crazy."_

Haru turned his head up from his Rin's chest. Rin felt him shifting and looked down at him, their eyes momentarily locking. Crimson eyes filled with nothing but contentedness and comfort, met with deep blue ones portraying nothing but panic and hesitation. Of course, having Rin look directly at him, like he was expecting something, only made it harder for Haru to force words to form on his lips.

It took Rin only a second for the contentedness to wipe from his face and be replaced with deep concern. Even though Haru refused to let the rest of his face show any emotion, his eyes were practically screaming panic so deep it made him a little scared of whatever is going through Haru's mind. "What's wrong?" he asked with probably a little more panic than he hoped to portray. Whatever was wrong with Haru, it wouldn't be of any good if both of them were jumpy.

"Rin, how long have you been romantically interested in me?" Haru loudly blurted out in a weird response to Rin's question.

Rin wasn't sure how this pertained to his question, but in some way he found Haru asking this to be kind of cute. It was really unlike Haru's personality to be curious over something like that. He usually wouldn't care about somebody else's feelings towards him, especially not enough to directly ask them about it. " _Could Haru's panic just be that he's insecure about my feelings towards him?"_ Rin couldn't help but find that possibility to be quite adorable.

"Well it's kind of hard to pinpoint. I've been looking back on it lately and I realized that we've always had a bond that's deeper than normal friendship. Or, I should at least say it was deeper than all other friendships I had. But at the same time our bond had always been tied up in swimming. So really, it wasn't until I thought of giving up swimming that I realized that loosing you hurt even more than walking away from the rest of my life. After that my feelings for you just finally became obvious to me. As for when it happened I told you the same very night."

"So, before that you viewed me as a friend right?" Haru's second question was asked just as urgently which threw off Rin's whole theory of possible insecurity issues.

"Well yeah? I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" Haru blinked at him, his face finally relaxing into relief from hearing Rin's answers.

Rin noticed the change in Haru's expression, which only bewildered him more. "I just… expected that maybe you wanted to hear something sappy, like the idea that I've had a thing for you for a long time."

"Noooo. I just want to know how you did it."

"Discovered my feelings for you?" _"Well I suppose that's a romantic topic in itself."_ Rin wasn't sure what his theory was anymore. If he had any more time to think about it he'd remember that Haru really wouldn't have sappy conversations just for the sake of being sappy.

"Well, kind of about that. I wanted to know how you stopped seeing me as a friend. Because I don't think I can be romantically attracted to you as long as you're stuck being friend zoned."

Rin's eyes doubled in size as he stared at Haru, his jaw slightly dropping. "Excuse me, d-did you just use the term 'friend zoned'?"

Haru just blinked at him and answered, "Yes. Is it the wrong term?" After all, even though the term sounded like a logical summary of his issue, he could have heard it wrong. Or maybe he just spoke some sort weird dirty slang for all he knew when it came to topics like this.

Rin rose from the couch and then roughly ran his hand through his hair looking down at Haru. "I feel like I'm in a bizarre dream here! You must be mistaken. You are attracted to me."

Haru scowled. He had been debating this for days, only to have Rin say he understands what he thinks better than he himself does. "Well that's pretty cocky. Not the whole world is attracted to you."

Rin rolled his eyes. "I don't think that Haru. It's just that… well what do you call this?" Rin waved around. "We've been spending the past eight days cuddling during the day and sleeping together at night. We've kissed numerous times!"

"That's me holding up my promise to keep an open mind to do boyfriend things!"

"Oh yeah? And what about that first night? What we did at that pool when I first told you my feelings? How do you explain that if it wasn't attraction? You sure as hell seemed attracted to me."

Haru turned his face away, staring at the arm of the couch as he muttered, "I don't know what that was." His voice began to raise as his frustration surged in him. "I mean, I'm not going to pretend that didn't feel good, but I don't consider it proof of attraction either. It was simply a physical reaction. I had never been touched before. I had never been kissed before either. Years of denying any sort of physical pleasure just bubbled to the surface when you kissed me."

Rin cocked his eyebrow "Physical reaction?" he said with a voice laced with skepticism. Haru nodded still refusing to look at him. This was starting to look impossible. How could Haru be so oblivious to all the obvious signs that he's attracted to him? It wasn't a matter of getting Haru to see how he's been acting. Haru fully acknowledges how he's been acting, but is still blind to the real source of his actions. Rin knew one thing for sure. Even if was only due to obliviousness, he couldn't just accept having a partner that didn't find him attractive. It wasn't a matter that he was so egotistic to **expect** Haru to be attracted to him, but at the same time who wouldn't feel deeply hurt if their mate didn't find them to be attractive? That's the one person you'd really want to be attracted to you, more than anybody else.

He deeply sighed before speaking again. "I know you're not lying to me Haru, it's just that…" Rin trailed off and scratched at his scalp. "I'm not sure how to explain this. Attraction is a feeling, and while I can't claim with absolute certainty that I know what you're feeling all the time, I can also say you don't act like someone who's unattracted to me. I mean, we've already done lots of things we wouldn't have done if we were still just friends so… If you did only see me as a friend, wouldn't all these things make you feel uncomfortable? Are you uncomfortable Haru?"

Haru turned to look at Rin again now that Rin seemed to have calmed down. "No, I'm more comfortable than I thought I would be, honestly. I'm worried because I'm just, comfortable. Like, I don't think that I view you as a romantic partner should. I don't get all exited or gushy thinking about you. I don't have a craving to look at you, or touch you. I just don't know how to change the way I view you."

Rin nodded, though his face looked deeply forlorn. "Well, I'm not doing this to punish you, so please don't get me wrong, but I am attracted to you Haru, and I want a partner who's attracted to me too. So starting tomorrow you won't have to touch me unless you find that you actually want to. Until then I won't touch you anymore."

"Rin… I don't know if I can change. Are you really sure of this?"

"I get that, but I'd rather find out one way or another, because we can't really move forward as a couple as long as you're unsure of this so, unless you have any better ideas on what to do? I do request one exception though. I'd prefer it if we can still sleep together. I just feel like if one of sleeps on the couch then it feels too much like we're fighting and trying to close each other out."

Haru hesitantly nodded. "I'm sorry it has to end up like this Rin."

Rin sat back on the couch and wrapped his arm back around his mate. "We'll work it through, I'm sure we will."

Though Rin's words of comfort felt slightly empty to both him and Haru, as Rin pulled Haru even closer against him. His grip tightening like he was afraid to let go. He was trying to get the most out of what could possibly be their final day being close like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter I know. That's why I called it an introduction. I just felt that Haru is such a cerebral character that once I start thinking about what he's thinking about, I can just go on forever. He really is a thoughtful guy so I thought I'd introduce his thought process as he attempts this next step in their relationship. Also the deal Rin creates is totally crucial all through the "attraction chapters." This step takes four chapters, including this one. I know the length of each of my story sections have no rhyme or reason. Really I have rough plans on what each of the relational steps will include, but beyond that I just let my fingers flow until I'm satisfied XD. 
> 
> On an off note, Happy New Years everyone :D


	11. Run and Hide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gaining Attraction. Part One.

The next morning Haru slowly opened his eyes, and didn't need to look to know he was once again the first one awake. The warm burn of Rin's body heat was still present against his left side, and of course, Rin's vibrating semi-snore purred softly against his shoulder. Even though he never seemed to wake Rin while climbing out of bed before, he now found himself to be especially careful not to do anything to possibly rouse his boyfriend or move out of his grasp.

He was careful this morning because he knew that the moment he got out of bed, this plan of Rin's to not have any physical contact would be in effect. Haru really didn't like this plan. He idly thought that maybe if neither them left the bed all day then the plan would be thwarted, but he already knew that to be impossible since there's bodily needs to be considered such as bathroom use and eventually they will get hungry.

It's not so much that Haru really wanted to snuggle with Rin all day. He wished he did have that desire, because if that was the case they wouldn't be having this ridiculous plan set up in the first place. It was mostly that he was scared of the results of this plan, especially what it might do to Rin. He knew Rin had a valid point that it's important to know whether or not mutual attraction can be achieved in this relationship, but he was still completely doubtful that he would be able to break free from viewing Rin the same way he has for the past sixteen years. Haru figured that not touching seemed to be desperate measures, at least for Rin who was a physical kind of guy, and he wondered how long this test could go on before it got too emotionally straining for the both of them. How upset would Rin be if they went through all that strain and still not have his boyfriend be attracted to him?

He felt Rin stir against him, breaking him of his concentration. Rin's arm unwrapped from his torso while all of Rin's limbs stretched at once, followed by a deep inhale. Rin's eye's opened halfway, and his sleepy crimson iris's easily met Haru's wide awake blue ones, due to the fact that Haru had been watching him as he woke up. "What's wrong?" Rin asked with obvious drowsiness in his voice.

Haru laid on his side to directly face Rin and then leaned in close to sweetly kiss his lips. It was neither a peck, nor a deep kiss. It was soft, and sensual, and lingered for a few seconds. As their lips parted he thought that's probably how a real couple would kiss. He knew that they would sleep together again come nightfall, but he wanted to leave Rin would a good memory before this ridiculous day started. Maybe he can't fully return Rin's attraction, but at least he could kiss Rin like that, and maybe if this all fails, still having that sort of intimacy would be enough to make it okay. At least, Haru hoped that to be the case.

Rin was momentarily carried away by Haru's sudden act of affection. He thought it was a wonderful thing to wake up to, and maybe this was Haru's way of saying he had a change of heart. Of course, right after, the memory of yesterday's conversation crashed into his mind which seemed to make more sense of the look he saw Haru making when he first woke up. Haru still hadn't said anything, they just both stayed still, staring curiously into each other's eyes. "You know I wouldn't mind being kissed all day, but eventually you're going to have to spit out what's bothering you." He softly smiled at the end of his statement, hoping it lightened the mood. It's way too early in the morning to already be so depressed.

"I don't want to hurt you." Haru said in almost a whisper, his eye's earnest with concern.

Rin frowned, he wished he could say something superficially uplifting but that would be insulting to Haru's honesty. "It's better if we find out now than later. If we're going to have a relationship I want you to feel the same excitement that I do about being together."

With that said, he sat up and pulled himself off the side of the bed. It's better not to delay the inevitable. "Is it okay that you make breakfast? You're so good at it." He flashed Haru a kind smile, pretending that nothing is out of the usual. Haru was sitting up in bed now and nodded in response. "Good. I'm going to shower now. I'll see you later in the kitchen." He then turned away and headed into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

And so day one begins.

 

* * *

 

 

By the time Rin makes his way into the kitchen, Haru is already plating large fluffy pancakes with just a touch of powdered sugar on them, with a side of sliced apples and oranges. Rin eyed his plate, mentally making note on how it looked both delicious but also arranged beautifully. He could see why Haru had planned to be the chef in the future, he surely had the touch for it.

"Looks good. Thanks for cooking." He said as he instinctively took a step towards Haru, about to hug him. He caught himself before doing so, but by then they were awkwardly close and both expecting to touch.

"Ah sorry." Rin took a small step back and nervously scratched the back of neck. "It'll take some getting used to I suppose. Even before we started all this romance stuff, I still had the habit of invading your space." Rin said out loud, even though it was mostly to reassure himself that there's somewhat of a valid reason to why he couldn't last five minutes in the same room with Haru without almost breaking the damn deal he created.

He knew this would be hard from the beginning, but he expected he'd just have to revert back to how things were a couple weeks ago. It wasn't till now that he realized he had become used to a certain amount of closeness to Haru since the beginning of their friendship. Mentally tracing back to their days as kids, back when Haru always looked slightly disgruntled whenever somebody touched him, even then he would boldly wrap an arm around Haru's shoulder and pull him close whenever he felt like it. So really, not touching at all was completely new territory for them, and already Rin found this territory to be extremely difficult.

Haru didn't much like this either as he watched Rin's terrible attempt to just brush off the near embrace between them. He expected a strain yes, but for it to happen this soon was just proof to him that this idea was a bad one from the beginning. It only has to last until he tells Rin he genuinely wants to touch him right? Well, he wants to touch Rin to make this end. It's not exactly what Rin meant and he knew it, but either way it was a genuine urge to touch him. Haru took a step forward reaching his hand out to caress Rin's cheek, only to be shocked that Rin leaned back, avoiding his touch.

"Not yet Haru." Rin couldn't help but softly chuckle at the confusion on Haru's face, obviously not expecting to be turned down. "You're a really good friend doing all this just to comfort me. But at the same time, it kind of hurts you know? I'm with you because all I want to do is be with you, but, right now you're here out of some sort of pity aren't you?" Rin didn't wait for a response to continue. "It's okay if that's the case. I pretty much pitied myself when I dragged you into this. I still do really. But I also know I'd be the most pitiful person in the world if I held onto a relationship with someone that's only there because they felt responsible to watch over me and comfort me while I'm in over my head. I hope there's more to our relationship than that Haru, and right now we have to live through this crap so we can find out for sure."

"There is more to our relationship than that Rin." Haru muttered, the smallest hint of gloominess in his voice. "Have you forgotten our years of…"

"I'm not talking about our friendship Haru." Rin interrupted. "I'm talking about our current relationship Haru. The one we have as partners. I'm talking about your motivation for being here now with me, and doing what label as 'boyfriend stuff.' You can tell me I'm wrong Haru, but if you're not here out of attraction, then why are you here?"

"I don't pity you Rin." Haru looked directly in Rin's eyes. "I don't look down at you, and I don't see you as some sort of responsibility. I'm just worried about you Rin. I care about you and I want to help you like you helped me before." Haru's eyes shined with the deepest concern Rin had ever seen from him, which strongly emphasized his message.

Haru was hoping this blunt statement of concern would make Rin feel better but instead Rin's eye's formed a sort of sadness in them. "Sorry." Rin softly whined before breaking eye contact with Haru. "I'm making you out to be the bad guy when really you're doing the best you can. I'm also pushing my perception of myself right now onto you. It just makes me kinda worried I guess, that if you were here only out of pity, or sympathy, or whatever you want to call it. Then after a while, I'd just become a burden to you. Probably sounds silly right?"

"Not really. But I promise you that's not the case." Haru reassured him.

Rin looked back at him, and softly smiled in response. "Thanks Haru."

Haru nodded in response and they both silently ate their breakfast, purposely standing with the kitchen isle separating them. In the end the awkward atmosphere still hung in the air, probably because they would usually hug once they resolved an argument. Just a short embrace that worked as a reset button for the atmosphere, and lifted both their moods knowing that everything is okay between them. Without having it now it just felt like the previous mood slightly lingered, and was possibly being intensified from them both getting frustrated at the obvious effects of this no touching deal.

After he finished his food Rin swiftly passed by Haru to go further into the kitchen and place his plate into the sink. After washing his dishes he turned to face Haru, who was watching him and also waiting to use the sink as well. "I'm going out for a while." Rin announced trying –and failing- to sound nonchalant. "I have stuff to do around town."

" _Stuff. Cause you know being super vague also sounds super convincing."_ Rin mentally chastised himself.

"What about our publicity thing?" Haru asked, breaking Rin from his thoughts. "Didn't Abby say that if we go out we should always be together? To play up the whole 'supportive best friends' story?"

Rin's heart slightly sank. Like the situation isn't bad enough, the only reason Haru gave for wanting to stay at his side was for the sake of the public story. To make it worse the way Haru worded it made it sound like that's what all this is. Just a story. Haru doesn't really want to be at his side, it's just what looks good. It's what a good best friend should do. Rin sidestepped away from Haru, who was only standing two feet away from him, and then headed towards the living room to grab his wallet and keys.

"Nah." He finally responded, heading down the hall. Haru followed him while keeping a healthy distance, just silently watching him almost leave. Rin stood with his hand on the door handle now, but his body turned away from the door so he'd face Haru standing at the other end of the hall. "I mean, it's a good deniability story but honestly I got a feeling most people don't buy it, and still think there's something romantic about us. So I think it might actually be better if I'm seen out in public without you for a while. Don't want anyone to get the wrong idea."

" _God forbid anyone actually think we're together."_ Rin choked back the hurtful words that ran through his head, but the tone of his voice in his last spoken sentence was enough to portray the selfish pain that caused him these thoughts. He could see Haru's eye's flicker with pain mirroring his own in reaction to his last statement. He wished to apologize, but he couldn't now. He needed to get out, this atmosphere was too toxic for both of them. Before any more bad words or feelings could be exchanged, he twisted the knob open and slipped outside, quickly shutting the door once he passed through.

For a minute both of them stood on opposite sides of the closed door, both in conflict what to do. Rin felt like a royal jackass who knew that he was being unfair to Haru because of his selfish pain of not wanting to be around him if he can't touch him. But because such selfish pain festered in him so strongly, he didn't dare go back inside.

Haru simply stared at the door with confused eyes, thinking he should have stopped Rin, he should of said something to fix this instead of silently watching Rin go. Especially since it was obvious Rin was in pain as he was leaving. But what on earth could he say? He knew he couldn't just blindly assure Rin that they are together. That everything's going to work out fine because both he and Rin knew that he couldn't even convince himself of that message.

" _Maybe it's better that we just have a little time apart."_ Haru thought as he heard Rin's heavy footsteps finally run away from the other side of the door. He turned back to head into the living room, and let out a heavy sigh.

-Two Hours later-

" _How the hell did I get here and why am I buying Mackerel?"_ Rin would of face palmed if it wasn't for the fact that he was currently out in public. Since he left the apartment without much of a plan on where to go, he decided the best use of his time was to go grocery shopping since his cupboards are in desperate need of restocking. After that he didn't really know where to go next, so he just ended up aimlessly wandering around until he noticed a fish market and bam, now he's standing at a counter with a mackerel in each hand, wondering if there's any way to compare them for quality.

The salesman says the proof of their quality is their weight and the crispness/color of their scales, but as someone who's not a big fan of fish Rin couldn't tell the difference between a healthy or an unhealthy color for mackerel, and checking the scales for 'crispness' just seemed like a good way to cut his hand. With that in mind the only thing he could judge is which ones would be heavy enough to provide Haru a decent personal supply of his main food source.

" _Damn whole fish is expensive. Would Haru even appreciate this? If I remember right he used to just buy the canned stuff. Would he even like the taste of fresh mackerel? Though I guess it's hard to imagine Haru disliking mackerel in any form. I wonder how many of these I should get."_

In the end, Rin exited from the fish market with a sturdy paper bag filled with five of the biggest whole Mackerels he could find. Rin guessed that one large fish could last Haru a day comfortably, and even if it didn't, he didn't want to go too gun ho on stocking Mackerel supply because Haru couldn't take the leftovers on the plane with him even if he wanted to.

Though Rin slightly grinned at the mental image of Haru trying to get a sack full of dead fish through airport security. The amusement didn't last long though as he sat in the driver's seat of his black Camry, remembering once again that he has no clue what to do with himself. He started the car and did his best to keep his mind blank as he drove out of the parking lot. Maybe mindlessly wandering again will lead him somewhere worthwhile.

" _I should really stop aimlessly driving."_ Rin thought as he found himself parked outside of building that held the massive pool where he usually practiced. Considering that many arena's we're currently still being disassembled in the area, the building was closed to the general public. It was however, still accessible by the national team, and the security guard didn't have it in his heart to deny access to one of Australia's swimming legends, even if he did recently quit the team.

Rin really didn't want to waste the charity of the guard, and yet all he allowed himself to do was stand outside leaning against his car and just stare at the building. He wasn't sure how long he was just leaning there, but he knew he was obviously hesitant from going any further. _"I really shouldn't have come here."_

Rin knew that now that he wasn't a team member the only thing he'd be going in there is a distraction. He'd become one of those people who keeps saying goodbye but never really leaves. The first goodbye is genuinely sad, and when the person shows up it would make his friends happy that he's keeping in touch and he won't be gone for good. But if he allows himself this visit what about the second visit? Or third? Eventually he'd look like he's just dragging out this goodbye process to the point that no one really believes he was serious about leaving, including himself.

"It's time to go home Rin." He muttered to himself. And with that, he gave his second home a wave goodbye and got back into his car.

 

* * *

 

 

To avoid any possible stupid hesitation stopping himself from going into his own apartment, Rin ended up practically barreling up the flight of stairs and slamming his apartment door open, all while carrying a heavy bag full of fish.

Haru, who was interrupted from half reading a magazine and half daydreaming, untwisted himself from his odd laying position to sit upright in the loveseat in Rin's living room. He made no move to get closer to Rin, but instead just raised his eyebrow as his boyfriend walked into the living room looking slightly flushed and softly huffing. Rin dropped the paper bag full of Mackerel on the coffee table just a few feet away from where Haru was sitting.

"I got you something." Rin huffed out as their eyes met for the first time. Their silent conversation conveying that Rin was really saying. _"I'm sorry for being a coward and ditching you like that."_

Haru nodded at both the explicit and implied message Rin sent him and leaned forward to pull the bag onto his lap. Rin almost chuckled at the way Haru's eyes immediately lit up after seeing the contents of the bag. Though in true Haru fashion of not wanting to give too much away on how exited he really was, he decided to change the topic. "So you went running?"

Rin scoffed. "Yeah, I decided to mix it up and try running while carrying a bag full of fish today. I figured trying to escape the constant smell would encourage me to go faster." Rin's voice was laced heavily with sarcasm.

Haru shrugged, pretending to take Rin's comment seriously. "Hey whatever works for you man. I just hope you didn't sweat too much on my meals." Rin snorted a laugh in response and Haru got up to take his bounty to the kitchen, before he emptied the contents of the bag onto the counter. He looked even more pleased upon further inspecting the fish. "This is good quality stuff." Haru whispered mostly too himself. "Such healthy color and crisp scales."

Rin broke into hysterics overhearing Haru's commentary. Haru turned his face up from the fish to give Rin a look asking _"What the heck is so funny?"_

"Man!" Rin choked out and then giggled again. "I should take you to that market with me sometime. You have so much in common with one of their salesmen." He laughed some more and when he tried to continue speaking his voice came out as a squeal. "I bet you and him can go on for hours about the crispness of scales."

Haru just blinked at Rin, and replied, "O-kay then. Are you alright?"

"Yeah. Never better." Rin said as he broke into one of his genuine smiles. He was internally grateful to have this moment. A moment with Haru that has no nervous energy. In this moment they weren't intentionally trying to be boyfriends or anything, they were just being themselves with each other. Rin suddenly felt much lighter because he remembered this is why he asked Haru to be his partner in the first place. Because despite differences in the topic of romance, there's something so simply right and natural when they're together.

"Anyway there's more grocery's in the car. I'll let you have some private time with your fish while I go get them. Oh also." Rin paused until Haru looked up at him and then gave him a more serious look, even though his voice was still halfhearted. "You'll be cooking two meals at a time from now on, since I don't want to have mackerel based meals all day and night. Consider it practice for your future career."

Haru shrugged and looked back down to his fish. Rin's smile returned as he imagined that Haru's internal response was, "Great. More for me." He stood watching Haru being lost in his own little world. It was almost like art how easily Haru picked out one of his mackerel and swiftly removed its head and tail, and then with a single precise curve of a knife he separated the fish's meat from its skin, leaving very little to be wasted.

"Wow you're better at that then I thought." Rin said in an almost awe. "I thought you only lived off the canned stuff."

Haru briefly looked up at Rin and shrugged "I took up fishing as a hobby for when I'm not training." He had already looked down by the time he finished his sentence, but from his peripheral vision he noticed Rin slightly stiffen in response. "Don't worry. I do it safely, I promise. I don't get too far off shore and I bring a life jacket. Even though with my skill I doubt I'd ever need it."

"My dad was a really good swimmer too." Was all Rin said in response, his voice now colder than it was a few moments ago. This was the reason Haru didn't mention fishing in any of their weekly update e-mails in the first place. "So I thank you for swallowing your pride and bringing a life jacket, just in case."

Haru made the mistake of looking back up at Rin's face again, and was hit with the urge to kiss him. He quickly looked back down, knowing that this urge was motivated out of a want to comfort him, just like all the others. It wasn't attraction so he simply reigned himself in before causing another scene like what happened between them this morning. "I hope you didn't buy ice cream." He said with a bit of a teasing tone in his voice to change the subject. "It's probably half melted by now if you did."

"Oh yeah the groceries!" Rin exclaimed, shaking himself out the familiar dark places in his mind. Haru softly smiled at his success of changing the atmosphere. "Well even though you're only staying a short period longer, technically I bought groceries for both of us, so it'd be nice if you'd help me get them. After all, each trip does require going down and back up a flight of stairs."

Haru raised an eyebrow. "You seemed to be able to run up that flight of stairs just fine. With a bag full of fish no less." Rin could sense a challenge in his voice, but before Rin could respond he added, "Yeah I'll help, but first let me finish taking care of these. Do you have any spare newspaper?"

Rin nodded and went to grab a thick newspaper from his recycle bin. After he handed it over Haru began separating the pages and wrapping each fish in a couple layers of paper before sliding them into the freezer.

"Wouldn't it be easier to wrap them all together than individually?" Rin asked. It seemed like a reasonable observation to him but Haru's resulting look at him made it seem like he just asked a ridiculously stupid question.

"No. If you do that, then when they freeze they'd all stick together. It causes unneeded prep time when you want to cook them." The way Haru said it made him sound like a certifiable old pro at the ways of fish handling.

"Oh, of course, how silly of me to forget such a basic thing." Rin said sarcastically in response as Haru slipped the last wrapped fish neatly into the freezer.

Haru smirked at Rin's mocking, and passed by him heading towards the door. "Let's get the groceries already."

After everything was put away, and a menu of acceptable meals for Rin was established, Haru cooked up separate early dinners for the two of them. Which they ate with light chit chat. Rin explained what he did while he was out that day while avoiding mentioning the fact that he was wandering around aimlessly because he was scared to go home. Haru mentioned he tried watching Dr. Who, because now that he's aligned himself to be a fan of science fiction, this show was apparently the absolute one to see. He said he didn't really understand anything that was going on though.

"Well what episode were you on?" Rin asked.

"I don't know. I just chose one at random."

"You can't just pick the show up at a random point, and expect to follow it idiot. Do you even know which Doctor you were watching?"

"There's more than one?"

Rin face palmed in response and decided that once they cleaned their plates, he'd find a decent starting point for Haru to watch the series. From there they spent an hour and a half on the big couch with the safety zone of a full cushion's worth of space between them. While they both ended up finding it thoroughly entertaining, after the second episode Rin faked a yawn and looked over to Haru through the corner of his eyes. "All that running around town has made me tired. I guess I'm already getting out of shape."

Haru only made an "mmn" sound of his acknowledgement of Rin's words, which made Rin's face slightly scrunch in irritation because Haru didn't get the hint. "So yeah I'm considering calling it an early night. Care to join me?"

The nervous edge in Rin's voice tipped Haru off that what Rin was really saying was _"Yes I realize that it's a full three hours before we usually go to bed, but I want to touch you already and this is the only way I can do so right now."_ That being said, he also found Rin's anticipation to be amusing, so he still feigned obliviousness. "You should shower first. You ran around today with fish."

"Well yeah. I meant after my shower!" Haru stared and stifled a giggle as he saw Rin's cheeks turn a slight pink while the rest of his face stared at the carpet below him.

Haru took a moment pretending to mull over Rin's request. "Well it is kind of early… And unlike you I haven't done much with my day… but I guess since you obviously need me with you in order to get some sleep, I'll join you after we're both clean."

By then Rin's face turned three shades darker red and his voice came out stammering. "Sh-Shut up! I-I-I don't n-need you in order to go to sleep!"

"So you don't want me to join you then?" Haru didn't bother conceal how much he was eating up watching Rin flustered like this. It was too hilarious.

"I said no such thing! I'm going to shower now okay? After that you can use it and then we'll go to bed." Rin stomped off before Haru could answer, obviously making the statement that this flustering conversation is no longer up for debate.

Haru simply snickered, watching Rin continue to march down the hall and into the bedroom.

After Haru emerged out of the bathroom in his pajama bottoms, he slid in next to Rin, and almost immediately kissed him. If Rin asked him, he could think of a couple reasons for why he did so. Because it's strange intentionally not kissing all day. Because he still had a lingering urge to comfort Rin after the fishing conversation earlier. Because at least from a physical urges standpoint, he found kissing to be a pleasurable outlet. But really since all those excuses really were excuses, then in truth he didn't know why he did that. Which must mean that in actuality, he just wanted to kiss Rin. _"This is a good sign right?"_ A fleeting hopeful thought passed through Haru's mind as he came up for air.

The thought was then replaced by a nervous energy, as he waited for Rin's reaction. What if they weren't supposed to kiss? The whole idea of this plan was to abstain from touching until he was confident that he was attracted to Rin. It was only in this past minute that he even found hope that he could get to a point of attraction, but being fully attracted was still a long ways off, so what's going to happen tomorrow? Did he completely mess up any progress they could have made today by going to bed and resuming where they left off being lovers before?

Much to Haru's relief, Rin only snorted a laugh looking at him for a moment, and then returned his kiss a few times over. Their lips were firm against another's while Rin wrapped one arm around Haru's upper back and pulled him closer so their bare chests pressed together. Rin's mind was swimming in a combination of ecstasy and relief, because in this moment Haru was his, and by the way Haru was acting at the moment, he could almost convince himself that Haru loved him.

They continued to make out for another ten minutes until the deep kisses dissolved into sweet soft pecks of affection. Rin kissed Haru's cheeks, his nose, his forehead, his hair. Haru just watched him trying not to laugh at how sappy Rin was acting. After that they just laid there, snuggled up together and gasping for breath, neither of them saying a word.

Which was a huge mistake on both their parts because they both wanted to say the same thing. This deal needs to end.

Haru wanted it to end because whatever little bit of logic this deal had, has now gone completely out the window if they were going to make out every night. At this point it was just added stress to both of them at a time when stress levels are already plentiful. But for the same reasons he kept his mouth shut, afraid that if he suggests the deal to end it'd just start another conversation like the one that made Rin run away.

Rin wanted to end it because he realized in this moment that he was already incredibly addicted to Haru's touch. They had only been romantic like this for a week and a half, and yet going without it made him feel like he was robbed of something. Even though he was the one that's responsible for what's happening. He assumed that this was more proof that they actually have been destined to be together for quite some time. Why else would reverting to friendship feel so foreign to him when they'd already been friends for years?

However this revelation of how much he missed Haru's touch only fueled him more that he had to somehow push Haru into realizing his attraction. He couldn't just be madly addicted to a man who has no real urges whatsoever towards him. He resolved that he would bear through this no matter what it took, because, once this part was over then Haru would begin to truly return his feelings. Even if Haru's level of feelings would still be slow to develop, at least they'd actually develop.

" _I'll find a way to work through this."_ Rin mentally repeated to himself over and over again as a way to calm himself to sleep while still clutching onto his boyfriend.

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning, Haru woke up from bed to find himself alone. Considering the last time Rin woke up early he found himself walking shirtless into a publicity train wreck meeting, Haru now thinks that waking up alone is a very bad sign of things to come that day.

As he sat up from bed and readjusted his eyes to the morning light, he could see a piece of paper set on Rin's pillow. He picked up the paper and after quickly scanning it he could tell today was no exception to this theory of his. On the paper was a short hand written note that said.

"I have more errands to run. I'll be back tonight."

Haru crumpled up the piece of paper and muttered out loud "For fucks sake if you have time to write something at least come up with a better excuse.

-Elsewhere in Sydney-

Sosuke Yamazaki didn't have any expectations when he heard a knock on the door of his professional office. He had no appointments for the day, but he leaves himself open to be contacted by his students or other school personnel. Despite the fact that he opened the door with no clue whom would be on the other side, he surely didn't think he'd see his possibly ex best friend that hasn't talked to him since five nights ago when he made a complete ass of himself.

But there the all too familiar red head stood. He had a sheepish look on his face like somehow he was the one in trouble, which only seemed more suspicious as he held up a twelve pack of beer like it was some sort of peace treaty.

"Rin?" He gasped.


	12. Give Me One More Chance

Sosuke had completely intended to profusely apologize to Rin at some point. He had already identified each one of his mistakes from that night, and imagined listing them all to Rin as an act of humble self-deprecation, followed by admitting that he was an idiot to do any of it, all in hopes of earning Rin's forgiveness and returning things back to a somewhat normalcy between them. Of course, with all things pre-planned, any sort of wrench thrown into the plan can throw it completely off course, and having Rin show up long before he was ready to talk, definitely counted as a wrench in this situation. He wasn't quite sure how long he was dumbfoundedly staring at Rin saying nothing besides the initial uttering of his name, but it seems his friend sensed his silent intention and responded to it.

"I'll make a deal with you. I'll pretend the other night didn't happen in exchange you drink with me and listen to how much of a cowardly, sucky boyfriend I am towards your worst enemy."

Sosuke raised his eyebrow to Rin's request, a cocky smile forming on his lips as his body posture relaxed. It suddenly felt like there was nothing seriously tense between them in the first place. "I'm going to need to be on my third beer before I think I can stand listening to you whine about him."

Rin shook his head. "Nope. This is not for negotiation. You owe me. If you need to get buzzed then just drink the first two fast."

Sosuke softly chuckled. "You're right, I do owe you. So I guess we have a deal." He then took the two six packs of Fosters cans from Rin's hands, and placed them on the edge of his desk. He leaned against the desk next to the cans, pulling one can out for himself, and tossing another into Rin's hands. He popped the can open, bringing it up to his lips and looked to Rin expectantly, waiting for the whining to start flooding from his friends mouth.

Rin sighed as he tried to gather his thoughts. Sosuke had to continue to loudly slurp his beer in order to stifle himself from giggling. Rin practically barged in and forced Sosuke to listen, but now that he's got Sosuke's attention he's choking up. It's extremely anti-climactic. Rin could tell what Sosuke was thinking from the look in his eyes, but he continued to internally struggle on where to start his thoughts. He wasn't quite sure what he was thinking on the topic, all his thoughts on everything was a jumble. _"Why am I here right now? Because I can't touch Haru? Is touching him really that important? Am I seriously that petty?! Besides if it bothered me that much I could just tell him I changed my mind. So what's the real problem here?"_

"I guess I love him too much."

Rin sounded serious, but all Sosuke could do was snort a sound of disbelief and roll his eyes while lowering the beer can from his mouth. "Oh yeaaahh, you really sound like a horrid boyfriend right there."

"I'm serious man!" Rin snapped. "It's just hard to explain. I should have taken Glasses words of advice more seriously."

"Glasses?" Sosuke lifted an eyebrow curiously.

"Yeah, remember from high school that really nerdy guy on Haru's team?"

"Yeah I remember, but you still call him that? I thought he stopped wearing glasses."

"Well sometimes he still does, and that's not really the point!"

"Except that it's a completely unrelated nickname by now." Sosuke mumbled amusingly, quickly bringing his beer to his lips right afterwards before Rin could whine about him further detracting from whatever point trying to be made here.

"Anyway, he told me I needed to slow down and let Haru work things out on his own pace as far as our relationship goes, and I thought I could handle that, but I can't. Because I feel like I'm already so invested and he's… he's…"

"Being Haru?" Sosuke's comment was blunt, but innocent enough that Rin didn't take any offense from it.

"Well yeah, I mean the closest thing he's had to romance might be with a pool or swimsuit catalog, and I'm not even referring to the models in those things! I mean right now he's unsure if he's even attracted to me, so like a dope I've avoiding the hell out of him because I'm afraid of the answer."

Sosuke snorted again, which Rin tried to ignore as he finally opened the beer in his hand. He took a long sip, waiting for Sosuke to explain what the hell was so funny. "You're worried that he's not attracted to you?" he asked nearly in disbelief.

"He said so himself." Rin muttered gloomily against the edge of his fosters can.

"And you believed him? I mean you just said so yourself the boy knows nothing of romance. I don't think he could acknowledge the feeling of love even if it bitch slapped him in the face."

"He says he views me as a friend Sosuke."

"Then what do you call everything else that's been going on? Please spare me the details of the daily goings on at your house lately, but that famous Olympic picture of yours speaks volumes that things are more than friendly between you two."

"Okay, so maybe we're friends with benefits in his eyes at this point. Though, it's devoid of the traditional sense of benefits." He grumbled sullenly at the end.

Sosuke looked over to Rin to glare at him with a _"do you really to share that part?"_ look on his face, and decided it was time for his second beer. "I think you took Rei's advice too seriously honestly." He said as he opened the second can.

Rin raised his eyebrow "and how do you see that?"

"Well, you're trying too hard to keep to Haru's pace. You're treating him like a porcelain doll that you're afraid to break, but he's not, he's a grown man, and he's able to object if he thinks you're going too fast. I'm not saying to completely ignore his limitations but what's so wrong with going at your own pace as well? If you're already so invested in him then admit to that and work towards that fantasy life together." Sosuke paused to pretend to gag, to reassure Rin he didn't personally approve of the future Rin decided to take. "And what's the worst that can happen? That he leaves you? You could either give it your all and risk the possibility that he leaves you, or else you'll wait forever for him to make the first move and the relationship will just quietly dissolve in front of your eyes. At least one way you can come out of it with no regrets."

"So basically" Rin paused to take another deep slurp "your advice to me is to be myself? Yeesh Sosuke that's so elementary. I could of gotten that advice from a child's book."

"Maybe, but there's no children's books on what to do in a homosexual relationship with your best friend, so you'd probably not pick up on it."

Rin deadpanned "Sosuke are you calling me dense?"

"Hey you said it, not me" Sosuke smirked.

Rin made a noise of frustration, looking away from his company, and quietly nursed his beer. For what felt like too long of a time, the only noise between the two of them was the quiet sips and sighs of breath them. It wasn't until Sosuke opened his third beer that he finally got the resolve to speak up. "So I assume we're done with your love life at the moment." Rin looked up at him and Sosuke tossed Rin a second beer. "Was there anything else you wanted to bring up?"

"No, not really." Rin muttered.

"Good, so now it's my turn. Care to tell me why you couldn't have personally told me you were quitting your life's work?"

Rin sighed "Should have saw that coming."

 

* * *

 

 

Nine pm, nearly a whole day had gone by since Rin had been home, or talked to his lover, and yet, at least for a moment he felt pretty good about the day. He reconciled with his oldest friend and somehow managed to spend a rare carefree evening together going bowling and eating pizza. Considering how the morning started Rin considered this outcome nothing short of a minor miracle, and if there's anything Rin could use in his life right now, it would be miracles of any size. This evening could only get better Rin thought, especially now that he had some idea on how to handle the situation with Haru. He would now face Haru with new resolve to give this relationship his all and not fuck it up because of fear of the consequences.

Of course, this revelation probably would have turned out better if Haru was aware of it. But Haru was not, thus causing for a less than optimistic turn of events.

As soon as Rin turned the door handle to look inside, all joy was immediately wiped off his face. He couldn't help but notice there was a black large packed piece of luggage sitting in the hallway, three feet from the door. A heavy sigh passed his lips but he decided it'd be best to play stupid and hope there was an alternative explanation to why Haru has his stuff packed.

"Haru?" He called out, walking into the living room and spotting him exactly where he expected the boy to be. There Haru was, actually sitting normally in that over plush love seat, his arms folded into his lap and his face cast downward, cutting off the possibility of any inner dialog between them. _"Ah crap. This is worse than I thought."_ Rin mentally cursed. "Hey man, what's up with the luggage?" though even without eye contact he already knew Haru could hear the dread mixed in with his curious question.

"I have a flight in the morning." Was Haru's only response.

"I thought we have four more days." His voice quiet, still hoping to resolve things rather than escalate it.

Haru deeply sighed, frustrated as it felt like he had a million words to say, but at the same time, no clear mental path to get it all out. "I'm sorry. It's not working."

"Well it's definitely not going to work if you retreat now. I thought we were really going to try at this." Rin knelt down so he could be level with Haru's hung head, hoping to coax his partner into looking at him.

"I did **try** okay? This is-You have NO IDEA HOW DIFFICULT - AND WHERE WE'RE YOU HUH? I CAN PRACTICALLY TASTE THE DAMN BEER IN YOUR BREATH. Some errands you got there… Jesus fucking Christ Rin."

Rin leaned back, and got back on his feet, partly from instinct and partly from shock. "I was out making things right with Sosuke."

"That's just great. You were gone all day getting drunk with the guy who recently assaulted me."

"He's also my best friend you know."

"Well maybe he's a better suited mate for you too."

"What? Don't be ridiculous! I grew up with the guy, we're practically brothers."

Haru finally looked up to flash Rin a look that just said, _"are you seriously going there man?"_

Rin growled. "Hey look, it's not like I make a habit out falling in love with my best friends. If you'd think for a damn moment you'd realize you're special to me!"

"Well I still think it'd be better if you tried with him." Haru's voice lowered.

"What the hell man! First you're angry that I went out with him, and now you're telling me I should date him?"

"He's obviously in love with you. Even I could figure that out."

"WHAT? THAT'S BULL CRAP."

"Is it Rin?" Haru turned to stare the furious crimson eyed boy down. "Tell me, why is he in Australia? Why'd he follow you here Rin? Why does he have a key to your house huh? Why did he look so damn heartbroken when he learned of us?"

Rin sighed, "That's your evidence? If you want to know what happened with Sosuke, just calm down and I'll explain everything yeesh." Haru didn't move or stop staring. "SERIOUSLY MAN, I'm not going to go into long story mode when either of us is going to break out into bitch fest any moment." Rin stood up and started heading to the kitchen "I'll make us some tea."

Minutes passed before Haru approached, sitting on one of the stools placed against the kitchen island. He still looked irritated, but more subdued than before. Rin placed a cup of tea in front of him, but once again stayed standing on the other side. _"I've really had enough of this atmosphere."_ He internally grumbled.

"So, Yeah. After high school, Sosuke took a year hiatus to finally let his shoulder completely heal. Which it did, but he never fully regained all his flexibility. Not to say he couldn't swim anymore, in fact he could probably still give the rest of Samezuka academy a run for their money. But, even so, Sosuke's just of those guys who can't stand not being able to give it his all. So he dropped out. At first I kept contact with him, but in a matter of months he just succumbed to depression and blocked everyone out. A few years later I get a phone call out the blue and he sounded much better, said he finally figured out what to do with his life, that he wanted to start a nationwide campaign warning young athletes about the dangers of over training. I was ecstatic for him because he sounded so excited about it. I even followed his campaign in the news and it got a lot more attention than he could have ever dreamed. He became so successful in Japan that he started getting invites for seminars in middle and high schools from around the world. After his tour he randomly showed up at my door, saying he earned enough money to start a competitive swimming school, and he wanted to do it in Australia because the more serious swimmers come here. **Not because I live here got it?** " Rin paused to look in Haru's eye's until he got a nod in response, even though Haru still found the coincidence to still be a little too coincidental.

"Anyway, things were good for a while after that. Since I was an up and coming star here, it didn't hurt his school at all for me to make frequent visits to practice and talk with the kids, actually it was pretty nice until his confession. Not that kind of confession." Rin quickly added as he saw Haru uplift his eyebrows. Rin sighed before continuing.

"See, one day after watching me in practice, Sosuke came up to me and said he sometimes still suffered from depression because he couldn't swim in the big league with me, but 'it's okay because you will swim for me Rin. As long as you are out there swimming, then I am out there with you.' Sounds all sweet and sentimental right? When he said that it made me proud, and I promised to do the best for both of us. Well apparently I should of took him more literally when he said I will swim FOR HIM. It started out slow. He started coming to watch me practice with the national team on his days off, and when I was done he'd critique me on improvements I could do. Gradually he began asking me about my training regiment, my diet practices, how many hours of sleep I got a night. It wasn't concern or curiosity either, because every one of those conversations somehow morphed into what kind of training I should be doing. At the peak of this insanity he'd call me at random times to see what I was up to, and went so far as to scold me for having any sort of a social life, or having any sort of fun that wasn't physically healthy.

Now you know me Haru, I have NEVER taken swimming lightly, but at my age it's no one's business if I have the occasional night off to have some drinks and eat a few greasy burgers. Everyone's excused from a lousy practice the day after that kind of stuff as long as we make up for it later, even our coach told us that. But Sosuke… he just wanted me to live swimming 24/7. It was always about how I should keep focused and do the best that I could for the both of us.

Well the 'the both of us' mentality was starting to drive me to the point of wanting to block Sosuke from my phone and requesting him to be blocked from going into the teams practice grounds. So one day I built the nerve to visit him and tell him that he's pissing me the hell off, and I want him to stay out of my business as far as swimming is concerned. He understood where I was coming from, but I could see that I really hurt him because he had invested so much in me. Things just became quiet between us after that. We lived in the same city but kept to our own lives for the most part. We'd visit each other to catch up every now and then, or he'd take me out to dinner after I did well at a swim meet, but we never really recovered from that incident. Honestly Sosuke has always been overly invested in my swimming, and I think he kept his distance to stop himself from slipping into old habits. But if that's the case there's nothing I can really do but respect that distance and his effort at restraint. It's a crappy thing to happen especially between two old friends, but sometimes you can't tell a person that it's alright for them to be themselves around you. In our case, unless we reign ourselves in, we'll just end up clashing all over again."

Rin's eyes refocused, seeming to surface back to the present from a faraway place. He bent over the counter so he was face level to Haru, who looked to be hunched over his cup of tea. "So do you understand now? That there's absolutely nothing romantic going on between Sosuke and I?"

Haru finally looked up from glowering into his cup of tea to meet Rin's piercing crimson orbs. Their faces were close, it seemed strange to be that close when they're fighting. It was obvious Rin was trying to mend things between them, which made him feel horrid. He was tired of making Rin try so hard, he was tired of trying so hard himself. Everything about this relationship seemed to take tremendous effort and he felt like it was all his fault. If only he knew how to fall into a romantic relationship. Hell at this point it'd be wonderful if he could just feel attraction. He deeply sighed. "I still think… maybe you should try to like him more. Maybe you could build a different relationship now that you quit and have swimming out of the way."

Rin frowned, his eyes saddened. "Haru, if you don't want to try with me anymore, please don't play one of these 'it's for the best for you' cards. Don't you think I deserve a blunt rejection?"

"It's not like that idiot! I AM really thinking of you. You need something easier than this right now. I'm obviously a failure of a boyfriend, and we live in different countries. If you're looking for a serious relationship I just think you'd be better off with someone local, who can love you properly."

"I don't want something easy, I want you!" Rin straitened up in agitation and rubbed the back of his head. "Look, I get that shit's been tough the past couple days, and I know me being a cowardly royal ass has been the cause of it. But I figured out what to do, just please, don't leave in the morning. Just give me another 24 hours, one more day and if you still think that we should give up at that point, fine, I won't give you any more trouble, I'll even drive you to the airport."

"You promise Rin? It's not like I'm eager to leave, I just, really don't want to reenact this scene a day later."

"I promise. As long as you promise to be open minded that things might change after tomorrow."

"I will be. But don't you think this is being too stubborn? I mean, I could either leave tomorrow or leave just a few days after that. In the long run what difference does it make?"

Rin snorted a sound of amusement as the features of his face seemed to lighten for the first time since he got home. "You really are oblivious about things like this aren't you Haru? A few days could make a world of difference. If you leave now, giving up on our **possibly** failed relationship then the distance will only seal away any chances of turning this around. If you leave in a few days with a different attitude though, then who knows what the future could hold."

Haru rolled his eyes, though his expression also began to soften. "You really are a hopeless romantic Rin. I still think your better suited with someone who gets that kind of stuff better."

Rin waved his hand dismissively "save it, I already knew what I getting into. We agree on giving this a day?"

"Yeah, I'll give it a day." Haru say in a less than optimistic voice.

But at least it was a deal, and Rin felt like he most definitely deserved this kind of reception from Haru. The next day would be a giant do or die moment, but it was better than the alternative of allowing everything to slip through his fingers and knowing it was all his fault. He reached over to shake Haru's hand, putting a fake grin on his face, trying not to think how obvious his non-nervous facade would look in Haru's eyes. "Good, and thank you. I'm going to get ready to crash now."

Haru accepted his handshake and nodded in response, not making a move to get up.

Rin considered asking Haru if he was going to join him in bed soon, but really it seemed inappropriate. All deals are off anyway, Rin reminded himself. No restraint, no testing of the relationship. From here on out he was going to be authentic and pray to god Haru could keep up. He stood there wavering in the kitchen wondering if he should mention that as well, but once again the timing was too off to add in any 'oh, by the way,' topics. He spun on his heels towards the bedroom, and with the most composure possible, walked away.

It took Rin a long time to fall asleep, hours passed and Haru never came into the bedroom. Rin was still too wounded and unsure of himself to be so bold as to go in the living room to drag him to bed already. It was some absurd hour at night when Rin quietly surfaced to consciousness feeling Haru's body slide next to him. At least Haru still willingly slept in the same bed, which gave Rin a small tang of relief. Rin made no move or signal that he was awake as he felt Haru's fingers very gently trace over his cheek, and along the back of his earlobe into his hair. He was aware Haru was still sitting up in bed, so it's most likely Haru was staring at him in the darkness. He imagined Haru had another excessively concerned look on his face, because he's apprehensive and scared for the future. _"But it's not himself he's worried about, it's me he's staring at, and softly caressing as I 'sleep'. He's scared because he doesn't know what to do about me. I have to prove to him that we could be good for each other in a romantic sense. That he doesn't have to worry about not being able to be a real boyfriend. I guess that starts with where it all went wrong, attraction. I'll have to pull out all the stops tomorrow to show him that we are mutually attracted to each other. Even if it means using… that."_


	13. Sometimes You Need To Push A Little Harder

Haru was surprised that he didn't find himself in the least bit bothered as he woke up to find Rin once again on top of him, and all of Rin's limbs tightly coiled around him practically like a snake coiling around its prey. There was an obvious trend forming, the more stressed Rin gets during the day, the clingier he becomes overnight. Though Haru couldn't help to find it humorous in twisted way that he was both the cause of Rin's upset attitude, and then the solution to help Rin calm down. He wondered if Rin used to have a large teddy bear to compensate for his tendencies before he got human volunteers, and if so, where is this teddy bear hidden now? Haru squirmed to turn sideways so he could see the alarm clock, and then regretted to read the time of 1:30 pm. He wasn't quite sure why it bothered him. He was in Australia so it's not like he had anywhere to go, or anything in particular to do. _"Must be my inner athlete. Too many days without early morning exercise regimens just makes me feel lazy and weak."_ Looking back, Haru never thought he'd be that dedicated type of person, but then again the one to blame for keeping him determined to great, was the one still clinging to him, being a lazy ass because he no longer needs to worry about training regimens, or schedules of any of the sort. Why the hell is Rin still asleep anyway? Didn't Rin go to bed hours before he did? This seems like a waste of time when their whole future depends on the next, now less than 24 hours. Haru wiggled to sit upright, and heard the sudden gasp of air that signaled Rin was awake.

"mmmn" Rin stretched, slowly disentangling his limbs from Haru's, and partially opening his sleepy eyes.

"Good afternoon." Haru greeted him with a mostly toneless voice.

"Feels like morning to me." Rin rebutted sounding still too tired.

"Well the clocks don't agree with you."

"The clocks can go to hell."

Haru snorted amusingly. At the same time Rin's eyes quite suddenly popped open as it dawned on him the reality of today and all that he must do. All too quickly Rin pushed himself up off of Haru's lap and stood up, off to the side of the bed. "Rin? What's up?"

"Oh, I just realized I need to prepare for something. How about you go shower first today?"

" _Something very strange indeed is going on here."_ Haru thought. "You sure? I thought you were afraid that if I went first there would be no warm water left for you."

Rin rolled his eyes. "Well be honored I'm going to trust you enough to control yourself, and be considerate to my needs of wanting some water left over."

"I dunno, sounds kind of hard." Haru said with a hint of humor in his voice.

"Just wash up already, I want to make us breakfast today."

"I think you mean lunch."  
"I think I told you to go shower already."

"Yeah yeah, you don't have to push me to water twice." They both flashed each other a smile before Haru slipped into the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

Rin was actually hoping against Haru taking a short shower, because he needed as much time as possible to prepare. First he wheeled Haru's suitcase out from the hallway and into the bedroom. He picked out a random outfit, and left it folded on the floor right outside of the bathroom. Haru's bound to notice at some point or another that he forgot to unpack a change of clothes. Even though Rin was planning on both of them being without clothes by the time the day is done, Haru probably wouldn't appreciate such an unfair shortcut to Rin's goal.

Rin then opened up his wardrobe, searching till his eyes found the designated outfit. He lingered for a moment before reaching out to grab it. _"I really hate using this under desperate circumstances. But I guess desperate circumstances are the reason I'm resorting to this."_ He took removed the outfit from his wardrobe, and stood close to the bathroom door so he could listen to make sure the shower was still running as he changed. Who knew that Haru's predictability to be a water hog could be so handy sometimes?

It felt like a good half hour passed when Haru turned off the shower. He assumed Rin wouldn't really care all too much how much water he used, because Rin should know better than to trust him to restrain himself. After all, he was the guy who was well known for never leaving the bath unless it was to go to the pool. He dried himself off the best he could, however the steamy bathroom made it difficult because the caress of the warm water droplets were soon replaced by the annoying feeling of sweat forming on the skin he was trying to wipe off. Haru quickly gave up and wrapped a towel around his waist before opening the door. He was glad to find an outfit waiting for him at his feet rather than needing to cross the apartment and rifle through his luggage to search for clothes. After getting changed he opened the bedroom door to cross into the kitchen, a very subtle smile forming on his lips as his nose picked up on the smell of Mackerel and curry. Rin must really be trying to impress, if he took it upon himself to cook with Haru's favorite fish. "Hey Rin that smells" Haru's voice was cut short as soon as he turned the corner into the kitchen and caught sight of Rin.

"It smells? Hey it's not my fault that your fish emits an odor." Rin turned around from mixing the pot, and his furrowed expression quickly turned into a slightly smug one as he noticed Haru's stare. Whether or not Haru was aware of it, he was intensely taking in every inch of Rin from head to toe. "You like it?" Rin asked, intentionally leaning his shoulders back so his hips would jut forward, a nervous grin that he hoped looked confident spread on his lips.

Haru suddenly felt in a daze, his head was light, his eyes unfocused, a strange discomfort in his crotch that seemed to be so overpowering it only added more to this feeling like he's suddenly become seriously sick or deranged. He only had this feeling once before. That first night when Rin touched him, at least that time it made sense. But Rin's not even touching him, he's just standing there, with that- what is that anyway? Rin had on some sort of black shiny fabric that fit him so tightly, it looked like some sort of liquid paint on his skin. It covered his shoulders and halfway down his arm cutting at the elbow. It covered his neck too but it cut off just halfway down his collarbone leaving the majority of his chest and stomach exposed. It didn't pick up again until a very low spot, just barely clinging onto his hips enough to cover his crotch and continue down till it cuts off just above his knee. Along with this outfit, that could barely be called an outfit, was a matching tail sprouting from the back of the section hanging onto his hips, and two pointy cat like ears that poked out from the burgundy hair on Rin's head.

Haru found it both aggravating and strange that something like an outfit could elicit such a response from him. After all, how many times through the years has Haru seen Rin absolutely nude in a shower room? And never once did he feel like this. So why is Rin's body so potent now, with only the addition of this strange liquid darkness and accessories bearing the likeness of a cat? Haru knew he was especially fond of cats as far as animals go, but he most certainly never had any of these sorts thoughts or feelings towards a cat, thank the lord. Whatever this thing is, it was drawing him closer, like literally closer. He wasn't aware of it, but by the time he snapped back into consciousness he was well in range of touching Rin if he allowed himself to lift his hand. "I-it's a weird choice to be cooking in." Haru said after a silence that was probably way too long. "Why the choice in clothing anyway?"

" _Damn so close."_ Rin internally cursed. _"I'm sorry Haru, but I'm pushing you for your own good."_

"It's for a costume party." Rin tried to answer nonchalantly. Though the way he was intensely observing Haru for any expression, or any sort of body language should of been dead giveaway against him.

"You're going to a costume party?" Haru raised his eyebrow. It's a weird thing for Rin to do considering the present circumstances.

Rin shook his head. "No, we're going to a costume party. Like I'd seriously leave you alone after all I said last night!"

"But I don't have a costume."

"We'll buy you one."

"But I hate crowds."

"Then stick close to me."

"Why can't you just skip this party?"

"Because a good friend of mine planned it months in advance and I already promised her I'd go. We need to get out of the house together sometime anyway. Now we're on a tight schedule, so how about you pack a container of lunch to eat in the car on our way to getting you a costume?" Rin turned the heat off from the Mackerel curry pot and the rice pot next to it, and then maneuvered to slip by Haru to pass in the opposite direction, but not without 'accidentally' (intentionally) letting their arms brush against each other as he passed.

Strange how such an innocuous touch made Haru feel like the temperature of his face rose a few degrees. Rin really was making him sick but more importantly he couldn't leave the apartment in this condition, and neither should Rin. "Wait!" Haru said as he took a step forward and gripped Rin's left shoulder.

Rin froze in place and looked over his shoulder, his eyes more or less saying, _"Yes, what is it?"_

"Are you really going dressed like that Rin?"

"Well yeah, it's an adult costume party. Lots of people are going to dress sexy."

"I think there's a difference between sexy, and clothes that make you look like your practically begging to be molested."

Rin's face nearly froze in place for a second out of shock from Haru's blunt assessment of his outfit. _"Why yes, at this point I am practically begging to be touched, but if you can read that clear as day then why haven't you done so baka?!"_ After he recomposed he just snorted, trying once again to blow it off. "Don't worry, I've been to parties like this before. Honestly I won't stand out very much."

"Yeah, but don't you think you're kind of asking to be hit on?"

Rin finally turned around to face Haru. He'd probably be grinning by now, because he could tell Haru's disinterested facade was about to crack, but unfortunately Rin had to continue to push him till he completely broke. So he instead started with a sigh.

"Look, I've been meaning to talk to you about this since last night. But I was thinking really hard about ways to make this easier on us. And well, you're not a very sexual guy, and I realized I'm probably stressing you out because I am a physical person, and I'm looking for a sexual partner. So I thought that it'll be easier for both of us if I just hook up with other people for things like that. That way I could relieve my urges, and you don't have to worry about that aspect of our relationship. Of course, it's not like I was going to just ditch you at the party to go off and be with some pretty girl. But I was considering collecting some phone numbers if any are offered, and following up on a few of them after you leave to go back to Japan."

"That doesn't really seem your style Rin. I mean, with how romantic you are wouldn't it be disappointing to do that?" Haru was practically stunned that Rin would ever suggest such an idea.

"Well of course it's a little disappointing. I'd rather be able to do everything with you. But I told you before, I wanted to make this easier, and if this is what it takes… Anyway, this is a relief isn't it? We should really go now, it's gonna take some time to find you a costume." Rin turned away again to head towards the hall leading to the door.

As Haru watched him it felt like the world suddenly went into slow motion, and yet not slow enough for him to really collect himself. With each of Rin's footsteps it felt like a clock was ticking, and something seriously bad will happen unless he stops Rin before time runs out.

Step

" _I can't believe he's actually going out like that."_

Step

" _I can't believe he'd actually mess around with other people while dating me."_

Step

" _Even if he says it's for my sake. He goes and flounces around in that damn outfit, making me so damn hot I feel like I have a fever."_

Step

" _It's his fault. He knows it's his fault."_

Step

" _And now he thinks he can leave the house without doing anything about it."_

Step

" _Well he's not getting out of it that easily!"_

Rin was completely at the end of the hall now, his hand starting to reach for the handle.

" _I won't let you get away with this Rin!"_

CRASH!

In a moment so fast that it felt like a millisecond couldn't pass, Rin found himself from beginning to open the door, to the door being slammed shut with his back firmly against it. The cause of this being Haru, who's hips bore deeply against Rin's, and his lips hot and greedy, kissing Rin with a near mind blowing intensity. Rin's hips started to push back on their own moving side to side, rubbing his crotch against Haru's through the restrictive layers of their clothing, causing their kisses to mix with soft moans and sighs of pleasure.

Haru wrapped one arm around Rin's lower back, pulling their bodies together impossibly close, while his other arm stretched out, passing the side of Rin's head, with his palm pressed firmly on the door. His whole body posture signaled dominance, dominance he never knew he had in him. Something only Rin push him into, because now refused to let Rin go, not for Sosuke, and definitely not for some bimbo's Rin would meet at a party. Haru sucked Rin's lower lip into his mouth, wetting it and nipping it, only letting it go when it was properly swollen. But even now he couldn't find it in him to say what he was thinking, so he thought the best way is to show it. He tilted his head back and stared deeply into Rin's half lidded eyes, and even through the haze of lust in both their faces, Haru's eye's still easily read with a determined, almost raging declaration of, " _You. Are. Mine. And nobody else's."_

"Say it." Rin begged, his hips now moving back and forth from between the door and Haru's ever persistent pressure. The look in Haru's eye's made him more turned on than he'd probably ever been in his life, but he still wanted to push Haru to the brink. To make sure there is no shadow of a doubt, or anyway that Haru could confuse himself later about what this experience means, and how it completely changes their chances of staying together. "Please Haru, if you want to claim me say so. I want you to hear your own words. Claim me with both your words and your touch Haru. Make me come undone by your command."

Haru blushed deeply looking away for a moment. Not that he was in this kind of situation often, but he definitely knew it was a very odd time to suddenly need to build resolve. But, he knew now that he wasn't being unreasonable or selfish. Rin wanted this, and if Rin was to surrender his whole being to him the least he could do is say it out loud. He kept his eyes downcast for another moment, as he forcibly tugged the center of the very tight shine texture down enough to free Rin's member. He could hear Rin sigh of relief from what was probably a very uncomfortable squeeze in there. He ran his thumb over the pre-cum on Rin's tip before rolling it over his fingers and onto his palm for lubrication. Finally he looked up at Rin while wrapping his hand along the length, slowly sliding it down to his base. "Rin Matsuoka" Haru flicked one finger against his ball sack after saying his name, causing Rin to groan loudly and thrust into his hand. "I don't want anyone else to be able to touch you like this. I want you to be mine."

Rin breathlessly chuckled, wrapping his arms around Haru's neck, and holding their faces close. He groaned deep again as Haru mercilessly added to his pleasure by siding the hand around his lower back down lower to grope his ass, stretching one cheek away from the other and massaging into his muscled cheek with each of his fingers. "H-haru." He began to speak between the fevered panting of his breath. "I accept, your offer. Only if, you admit, here and now. That you, are utterly, hopelessly, attracted to me."

Haru grinned an almost proud grin. "I think you're right, because if I wasn't attracted, how could you turn me into a lust crazed loon?" He softly laughed a sound of carefree joy, because at least some of the shackles of trying to properly be in a relationship, have lifted from him, and now he doesn't have to focus on trying. Not that his focus was there at this moment anyway, he was more concerned with leaving his mark on Rin's body, and leaving Rin's psyche with a feeling of pleasure he'd never forget. He increased the speed of his stroking up and down Rin's length, hearing Rin gasp with every interval. Faster, harder, hard enough that his hand nearly rams against Rin's balls as he gets to the base. He could feel Rin's cock pulse in his hand as he tightens his grip as hard as he could while still sliding along the length. Feeling it being close to the end, he ducked his head down to Rin's chest, very carefully placing his teeth around his left nipple, and then slowly shifted his jaw to twist the sensitive nub of skin in a circle.

"Ahh AHH Ha-Harrru." Rin cried out in immense pleasure mixed with a physical jolt of pain. His cock twitched wildly in Haru's grasp before he exploded, cumming onto the stomach area of Haru's shirt. His body momentarily stiffening as his seed leaked out of him, and then collapsing forward, wrapping his arms around Haru's upper back for balance. "You're pretty good for someone who's never played around before." He said slyly, burying his face in Haru's shoulder.

Haru rolled his eyes and muttered "It's not like I haven't jacked off before."

"It's so much better with somebody else's touch."

"Oh really? You'll uh, have to show me that." Haru shifted his hips slightly, pressing his still uncomfortably hard cock against Rin's thigh.

Rin grinned in response. "I suppose I should. But first, I have a confession to make."

Haru raised an eyebrow, a slight worry crossing his face. Rin looked up, and softly kissed his lips to soothe him.

"I lied. There is no party. I was actually banking on you not letting me leave the house like this. You almost scared me waiting till the last moment."

Haru stared at Rin. He couldn't find it in him to really be mad over this, but he let his expression turn blank enough to make Rin sweat. Haru held his composure for a minute while Rin grew all the more antsy, awaiting some sort of punishment. But then, one of Haru's hands reached over into Rin's hair and he scratched at the base of one of Rin's latex ears. His face morphed into an uncharacteristically sly expression as he opened his mouth to only say four words.

"Such a bad kitty."

**Step 2. End.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, when I posted this chapter on fanfiction.net, I had a couple of comments from people asking me. "Wait, I thought Rin was the seme. Who's the seme and who's the uke in this story?" I have two things to say about that question. 
> 
> 1\. I'm not a traditionalist in my writing and I simply let the story and the characters take me wherever they go. It just so happens that my vision of how Haru could finally accept his attraction is what you see in front of you, never did it pop in my head as I was writing "Oh, maybe I shouldn't do this because ones supposed to be the dominant, and the other submissive." If anything I find them equally powerful in their relationship, mentally and physically. 
> 
> 2\. Even though I have no intentional roles for either of them, I still see Rin as the seme role in this chapter. I consider him more of a "shadow seme" in this case xD. He could of easily jumped Haru and turned him on at any point after Haru laid eyes on him. He could of also of taken over as soon as Haru crashed him against the wall. But he had to resist that instinct because he had to make Haru understand that he's acting sexually off of attraction alone. The begging for Haru to take him was part of the whole act my friends. You can argue against my reasons for explaining Rin as the Seme, but that's what I think and I'm the author, and if I'm wrong I go back to point number one!


	14. Is This What You Really Want?

**Step 3. Exposing the relationship to the public.**

_“Makoto, I’m gay. Makoto, I’m gay. Makoto, I’m gay. Am I gay? Can I really judge my sexuality on a single person? All I’ve figured out is that I’m attracted to Rin. Or maybe I’m just attracted to people in cat suits. That’s not a sexuality though, I’m pretty sure people call that a fetish. God this is so confusing. Damn you Nagisa.”_

Haru cursed, he really wished he had more time to sort everything out in his head, but he was forced into action by Nagisa’s inability to patiently keep a secret to himself. Really this all started two days after he started his stay at Rin’s house. Nagisa started sending him a daily text asking “does Mako-chan know yet?” the first two days Haru simply answered “Not yet.” But after Nagisa made his persistence known on the matter, he finally responded “wait till I get home so I can tell him in person.” Which seemed to shut Nagisa up until the very night he flew back to Japan, literally as he was exiting the airport, exhausted as hell, his phone vibrated with a message that seemed borderline malicious at the time. It read “Welcome home Haru-chan <3, I hope you tell Mako-chan very soon. I don’t know how long I can keep from blurting it out myself.”

Haru didn’t bother to answer it. At that point he turned his phone off, and buried it deep into his pocket. While this was a matter he didn’t want his best friend to find out about from somebody else’s mouth, he was much too tired, and irritated to bother asking Nagisa to be patient about a subject he has no right talking about anyway. If it wasn’t for Nagisa need to be contacted for work schedules, he would have called Rei by now, and requested Rei to break Nagisa’s cell phone in half.

Now it’s the next day, and after spending a full two weeks at Rin’s house, he finds himself restless and bored waking up alone. _“It’s just settling back into normal life again. I’ll get used to it.”_ He assured himself. Though visiting Makoto now would be a good idea, maybe he just needs to spend more time with friends to help him transition from having constant company, to suddenly waking up in his life of solitude. Besides, leaving Rin’s apartment has opened a Pandora’s box of ‘what the heck are we gonna do from here?’, so seeing Makoto would be good. It’ll help him ground himself in that aura of calm that only Makoto could really give him, at least once he gets past this nervous lump of trying to explain his relationship, which he’s right now failing to explain to himself.

Haru huffed, and opened his phone to type a quick text to Nagisa “I’m going to see Makoto today.” It’s not like he was doing it for Nagisa’s sake, more like it was motivation because he couldn’t deal with Nagisa’s constant nagging if he backed out now. His phone buzzed 30 seconds later with Nagisa’s response

“Yay Haru-chan! Don’t worry, things are going to go great ★_☆“

Haru silently nodded at the response, and put his phone on silent before stuffing it back into his pocket. Nagisa was probably right, it was stupid of him to be nervous. He’s only been this nervous to see Makoto once before, and that was because it was their first time meeting after a big fight, but there’s no cause for stress this time, he was delivering happy news, right? Haru started to wonder if his dread to tell Makoto was more a reflection of the creeping dread he has having about all the uncertainty of what’s going to happen between him and Rin, now that they’re not spending time together in person. Haru had barely gotten his head around being a boyfriend when they were constantly together, suddenly now without that contact he was beginning to take for granted, the already fragile relationship blooming between them was becoming even harder to maintain.

Haru forced himself out the door, and into a sprint towards Makoto’s workplace. All the while this uncertainty grew to the point of him not wanting to bother telling anyone about this relationship, since he still wasn’t sure if it can survive in this new distanced environment. Though he could logically explain to himself why it’s best not to make a big deal out of his relationship until things become stable, unfortunately he can’t un-send an already seen text message. Let alone put Nagisa on a gag order.

 

* * *

 

During his last lesson of the day with a middle school aged group, Makoto noticed from the corner of his eye a familiar flash of light purple lines curving along a skin tight black swimsuit, and a figure entering the far lane of the pool with the grace of a jaguar cutting through the water like it was air. That was enough for him to know for certain his friend has come to visit him. Makoto allowed himself to watch Haru for a few more seconds as he surfaced at the fifteen meter mark and started his effortless strokes cutting through the water. _“Ah. Still as beautiful as ever. After I’m done, let’s swim together again okay?”_ He knew Haru wasn’t looking at him, but really, if he asked, he doubted Haru would ever refuse.

Twenty minutes had passed before Haru sensed Makoto’s class was coming to a close. The water felt stiller, and the high pitched squeaks and screams of excitement became less and less until a quiet fell over the pool building. After a few moments of Haru only hearing the sound of his own lazy strokes, there was a splash that formed on the edge of the lane next to him, which caused the water to heave up and resettle around him, even though he was midpoint of the pool. Of course, he knew it already to be Makoto.

They both went a few laps wordlessly, they never needed words to swim together. Haru soaked in the feeling of having Makoto in the lane next to him. Makoto was really the only other one besides Rin who made Haru feel something in the water. Of course the two caused very different sensations, being in the water with Rin made Haru’s body to stir with anticipation, and caused his veins to feel like they’re pulsing with electricity. Feeling Makoto near him however was practically the opposite effect, it was calming, and relaxing. Knowing Makoto was near always had a way of making Haru more confident about facing the world, and for a moment he soaked up this tranquility, letting it untie the knots that formed in his stomach about what he was going to say, or where to find the courage to say it.

It wasn’t too long till Makoto pulled himself over to the side of the pool catching his breath. Being a teacher didn’t require the same physical requirements as continuing to be an athlete, so Makoto’s physique suffered from it. He was by no means obese but most of his old obvious muscle lines have been covered with a thin layer of fat, just very slightly jutting out above his waist. Also, his once towering shoulders have lost a lot of their bulk, leaving him to be only slightly broader than average for a man his age.

Haru has seen pictures of him before this visit, and considered in a way Makoto was the only one that really accepted aging. He settled down with a girl, had some kids, got himself a stable normal job, let his body reflect that he’s getting older, and he’s learned to accept his path. Meanwhile, up till now, he and Rin continued to be athletes training their butts off day and night, trying to treat their bodies like they’re still in high school, and Nagisa makes a living off of pretending to be forever twelve years old. Not that such an age is really all that much of a stretch for Nagisa.

Haru slowly floated over to the edge, next to where Makoto was resting. Upon Haru’s arrival, Makoto swiftly pulled himself out of the pool, then took a step to cross into Haru’s lane. “Here Haru-chan.” Makoto said in his usual sweet voice as he offered an outstretched hand out to Haru. Haru looked to Makoto raising an eyebrow.

“I can get out of the pool by myself you know.” Haru knew this was probably not at all the right first words to say to his best friend whom he hasn’t visited in quite some time. But old habit’s died hard, and he knew if he let Makoto think he needed help, it’d just go to Makoto’s head that he’s still helpless without Makoto around to assist him.

Makoto refused to be upset with Haru’s curt words though, still smiling he said, “I know you can, but for old time’s sake? It sounds silly but I miss pulling you up.”

“That’s very silly Makoto.” Haru said as he took the hand offered to him, and allowed himself to be pulled up, though maybe not as effortlessly as before on Makoto’s part.

Despite Haru’s comment, Makoto still looked pleased. He said thank you with his smile, but quickly noticed Haru’s eye’s looked troubled. Though Makoto was already pretty confident Haru wouldn’t visit with no reason in mind, this look confirmed something big was up, and he already had a decent idea what that was. “Wanna come over for dinner tonight? I can’t promise you mackerel but Komi makes some excellent meals.”

“I don’t want to tr-“

“It’s no trouble Haru, we always seem to have enough for leftovers anyway.”

Haru wondered for a moment if Makoto was only saying that to be nice or, if his wife seriously has chronic issues with figuring out how much her family eats in a day even after years of practice. It was probably the former, but even so, Haru already knew it was pretty futile trying to stop Makoto from being kind, especially towards him. Haru simply nodded yes to Makoto’s invitation, and Makoto’s face went back to beaming in response. Haru couldn’t help to feel a little warmer inside too, even out of the water, after all these years it still remains that everything is nearly effortless between him and Makoto. It’s stupid to be nervous to tell Makoto about this, he reminded himself, and yet he continued to stay silent as he followed Makoto away from the pool, and into the locker room.

 

“So what’s on your mind?” Makoto asked, breaking Haru from his usual staring off into the scenery. Dinner had passed, and they moved outside to Makoto’s back porch. Makoto was, of course, trying to be kind and allow Haru to open up on his own terms, but after ten minutes of watching his friend absentmindedly daydream, he felt that he should take some sort of action before nightfall.

Haru sighed, returning back to reality. He just wanted this part to be over, and yet he didn’t know where to begin. It was still a foreign topic for him to bring up. Sure, he sort of had the dating talk once already with Rei, but that conversation was brought on by intense desperation for some sort of guidance. _“But isn’t that what I also need now? Didn’t I come here to figure out what to do next? That really shouldn’t be my friend’s responsibility to tell me. I should just go, and work on this on my own. Oh wait. Fuck. Nagisa.”_   

“Sorry”, Haru finally said. “I wish I could say that this would come out easier if I came to you on my own terms, but, you already know how I am with personal sharing. I don’t know when I’d come see you, if it wasn’t Nagisa pushing me to tell you something.”

 

“Ah, about you and Rin.” Makoto responded, his voice still low with concern even though he just blatantly admitted he already figured everything out.

Haru blinked, once, twice, three times, as reality set in he wasn’t sure whether to be relieved of not having to gush all this out himself, or angered that Makoto didn’t say something sooner. Seriously, if Makoto knew this, then it should be obvious that the topic of him and Rin is what was weighing on his mind the whole time. It seems like, in Haru’s whole life, when things get really complicated it’s almost always Rin related in one way or another. “What? Wait, in what way do you mean ‘Me and Rin’?”

“You two are together now right?”

Haru’s eyebrows furrowed. “Together is kind of a vague word. I mean we still spend time together, we still swim together.”

“You know what I meant Haru.”

Haru huffed, looking off into the distance again, his voice now coming out softly. “How long have you known?”

“Three days after the Olympics ended, a little bird sent me an e-mail with some picture of you and Rin that was floating around the internet. Then, said bird happened to mention that I should know you were spending a couple weeks at Rin’s house, just so I wouldn’t get worried if I happened to try to visit you in the near future.”

“Let me guess, this little bird happens to have blonde hair, pink eyes, and never matured past the age of twelve?”

“Bingo.”

Haru pinched the bridge of his nose, and uttered a few violent remarks he felt Nagisa fully deserved at this moment, before turning his head back to Makoto. “I guess there was no point in wanting to see you as soon as I got home. I don’t know why he bothered so much to to tell you quicker if he already said something.”

Makoto grinned. “It’s probably because I played dumb to drive him crazy. I told him the photo of Rin clinging to you could just be an ill-timed moment of him losing his balance, and in comment of you staying at his place I told him, ‘it’s good that they found a chance to spend time together outside of swim meets.’ “

They both chuckled in response. Of course it’d drive Nagisa crazy when his plans of saying something without actually saying something backfires in his face. Neither of them felt bad either, meddling kid deserved it.

“So, how’s it going anyway? You’re relationship.” Makoto asked in his usual good natured, yet over curious style.

“I’m not sure to be honest.” Haru stated plainly, and Makoto snorted a laugh in response.

“I can’t say I’m surprised.” Haru glowered at Makoto for making such a blunt comment with a smile still on his face. Makoto brushed it off with an ease that only someone who’s dealt with Haru’s moodiness his whole life can possess, he kept a reassuring smile, and reached over to softly place a hand on Haru’s shoulder. “So what’s the issue?”

Haru sighed and muttered, “It’s embarrassing to need so much advice at my age.”

Makoto kindly shook his head no, as he replied. “That’s nonsense Haru, no one knows everything, so of course there are things you need to ask questions about.”

“But everyone knows more about romances than I do. I just feel ridiculous needing to ask other people what to do about my own relationship.”

“People ask for advice about relationships all the time Haru. Even people who’ve dealt with romantic relationships for decades. Sometimes we’re just so invested in our situation with the other person that when things go wrong or get confusing, it’s better to have someone with an outside perspective to help see the big picture, and figure out what to do next. I mean, think of advice columns. There’s even radio shows devoted to that kind of stuff.”

Haru slowly nodded as he considered Makoto’s words more closely. He did have a point, this world seems to be quite obsessed with venting about relationships in hopes for some golden answers that will make everything okay. It’s just that, up till recently, Haru was quite proud that he seemed to have his life in order without very much outside assistance. Making it all the more difficult now that all the order he’s created his life has been thrown completely off kilter, leaving him to join the masses living in uncertainty, hoping someone else can give him the answers on how to go about his own life.

 Weak, that’s how he felt, and he tremendously disliked the feeling. “This is just stupid Makoto”, Haru sighed. “Our relationship just started, and when I finally gotten used to being around him in person, now I’m here. Don’t get me wrong, I want to be here, I had to make it home sometime but, Rin said something about how we had to make a connection during my time in Australia, or else the distance will cause us to drift apart…”

“Are you scared about drifting apart Haru?” Makoto interrupted.

Haru blinked slowly, looking at his friend. “Well if it just falls apart here, then it feels like I spent two weeks in Australia with Rin for nothing.”

Makoto shook his head, his eyes starting to show more concern. “This isn’t about past effort Haru, this is about the here and now. I get that Rin swept you into a whirlwind of adventure and emotion while you were over there, but now you’re back home, and you have to decide for yourself if this is something you want to continue. Not just for Rin’s sake. This has to be something you want in your own life, or else you two are guaranteed to fall apart. Take some time and think about it, and if you find that you want to keep Rin in your life…”

“Of course I want to keep Rin in my life.” Haru muttered sullenly.

Makoto softly chuckled in response. “Okay, let me rephrase that. If you want to keep the current relationship you have with him going, then accept that, and move forward to that goal.”

“I still don’t know how to do that from a long distance though.”

“It takes effort Haru, which is why I said you got to be sure this is something you want, because if it’s not, then it won’t be worth the effort. Mostly it’s just being honest with yourself, and acting on your feelings. Call him when you want to talk to him, text him when you miss him. Don’t overthink things. Don’t worry about if it’s a convenient time or not when you feel like contacting him. Don’t worry if you have nothing interesting to say. He already knows you Haru, and he loves you for who you are. You don’t have to push yourself to be a better person for him, you just got to show up and let him know you care.”

“You always were the master of knowing what I’m thinking Makoto.” Haru’s lips twitched the slightest bit upward. “You’re even better than Rin.”

Makoto smiled boldly in response. “Who do you think trained Rin how to read you?”

Haru stared at him wide eyed “You-What?”

“You were leaving to travel the world without me. I needed someone to watch over you, and be able to figure out what’s going through that brain of yours.”

“You’re joking right!?”

Makoto shrugged “You obviously don’t believe me anyway, so what’s the point of confirming or denying it.”

“I didn’t think reading my mind was trainable.”

“Well a lot of it is just knowing how you usually are, and what you usually think anyway. The rest well… you have a rather expressive eyes Haru. I just have to know what I’m looking for.”

Haru shook his head. “Okay I’ve heard enough of this. It’s getting late anyway. I should go.”

Makoto frowned, reaching for his friend who was already starting to walk towards the door that led inside from the porch. “Oh common Haru, I didn’t mean any harm. I just wanted someone else to be able to understand you. I was afraid you’d be lonely without me.”

Haru paused, and turned around. A sigh escaped his lips before speaking in an ‘I forgive you, but sometimes I don’t know what to do with you’, sort of tone. “You really need to stop coddling me Makoto. How many times have I told you? You’re not my mother. Please stop using everyone else to keep an eye on me. Besides, Rin was just fine at keeping me company before he could read my mind.”

“I’m not trying to use this to excuse what I did but, isn’t it easier this way? To see eye to eye with him, both literally, and metaphorically. I mean back in the old days, you two had a tendency to crash and burn epically because of misunderstanding each other.”

“Yeah… I guess… this is…. better. But it still doesn’t excuse you for training something like that behind my back.”

Makoto scratched the back of his head. “I get it. I’m sorry.”

Haru nodded. “Anyway, now that we’re okay, I still think I should head home.”

“Okay Haru, I’ll give you a ride.”

“No, I think I’ll walk.”

“You sure? It’s not like I live down the steps from you anymore.”

Haru rolled his eyes “I’m aware. But I think the fresh air will do me some good.”

Makoto smirked, thinking to mention the fact they’ve been outside for a while now, but then decided to drop it. Sometimes it’s best to just let Haru do things his way. “Okay then. Keep me updated will you?”

“I’ll try.”

Makoto chuckled. “Yeah, that’s the most I can expect from you.”

Haru didn’t bother to respond to that.

 

* * *

 

 

Haru jogged away from the Tachibana house, and only slowed down when he was comfortably out of sight. He could only handle so much of Makoto’s comforting in a single day. Now he needed time to himself, to digest what Makoto told him. It was hard to answer if he genuinely wanted this relationship. He never found himself yearning to be part of a couple with anyone before, and what he’s experienced with Rin so far only proves to be physically, and emotionally draining for both of them.

The whole future seemed uncertain, but, he was still completely sure he never wanted to loose Rin. He didn’t think about it often, but he knew he managed to cope with everyone else moving in separate directions because he still had Rin to cling on to. To talk to, to relate to, to look forward to seeing at swim meets. Even though they’ve always been millions of miles apart from each other during most of this time, in actuality, Rin has become the person Haru depended on to always be around for him.

In retrospect, it’s pretty naïve to think that swimming would always keep them together. Rin does have a point that professional athletics isn’t a lifelong course, but Haru never really thought about what would happen to their friendship after they retire. Maybe Rin was right, that is the only road that’d keep them together through thick and thin. Haru knew he wouldn’t move on and start his own family, so Rin wouldn’t have to worry about him drifting away. But what about Rin? Of course a bleeding heart romantic like him would find someone eventually, and then slowly slip away like a mist Haru would eventually grieve over, once he realized it’s gone.

“Why do things have to change?” Haru muttered to himself, looking off into the oceans coastline. In all honesty, he wished most just to keep Rin without all this extra effort, but of course, things are never that easy for Haru. Change is inevitable, and he knew nothing good would come out of sitting around feeling sorry for his circumstances. For now his mission is to not loose Rin, with that in mind he pulled out his cellphone, and speed dialed Rin’s number.

“Haru?” Rin answered the call, sounding slightly surprised.

“Hi. I hope I didn’t call too late.”

“No, I’m only two hours ahead of you.”

“Well I didn’t know that.”

“I guessed that much.”

“Because I’m used to just sending you an e-mail.”

“I know you are Haru.”

“This is different.”

“You mean calling? It’s not that hard Haru. It’s not like we’re incapable of talking to each other.”

“I know we aren’t. But still, I rarely ever call you.”

“Is calling really the issue here Haru?”

“No. It’s not an issue. It’s just different. Everything is different. I’ve never forced myself to contact you this soon after we saw each other.”

There was a pause of silence, followed by a long sigh. When Rin spoke again, his voice was heavily laced with disappointment. “Don’t call if you feel like you’re forcing yourself Haru. Just stick to e-mailing once in a while if that makes you feel more comfortable.”

“Wait!”

“What?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. This is just so…”

“I know, different.” Rin still sounded defeated.

“I’m trying Rin. I really am. I told Makoto about us today.”

“Oh? And how’d he take it?”

Haru felt a bit of relief that he successfully distracted Rin enough to make him curious. “Welll, he kind of already knew.”

“Really? I mean I knew the guy is pretty intuitive about you, but considering our history, I didn’t think you staying over a few weeks would raise that many red flags.”

“Oh, it wasn’t that.”

“Then what was it.”

“One word. Nagisa.”

“Ohhh”, Rin said nearly immediately in realization. “Wait, how’d Nagisa know? Did Rei…”

“No, you told him.”

“I did?”

“You don’t remember, you were drunk.”

“Oh, that night. I’m really sorry about that night.”

“Don’t be. By the way, is it true that Makoto trained you to read my face?”

Haru heard a cackle over the phone. He rolled his eyes, and started to continue walking home with the phone still pressed to his ear. He wanted to tell Rin that the invasion of his mental privacy isn’t a laughing matter, but in truth, he was too glad to hear Rin’s laughter to care.

 

**Step 3. To be continued later.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From this point, the story is going to take a small jog away from "Rei's list of relational steps". There will be more chapters on exposing their relationship to the public, but I want to put it off until Rin is in Japan. There's still stuff I want to happen while they're apart before Rin comes to Japan so, I'll just come back to that step later and move onto the next step for now. "Discovering they were meant for each other" Oh the mush! Oh the angst! It'll be epic XD.


	15. Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes

**Step 4. Coming to the realization that we’re meant to be together.**

**Part One.**

 

Haru has a secret. It isn’t a dignified secret, and most would say it isn’t a well-hidden secret. But it was a secret that made Haru happy every time he was able to glance at his cell phone. That was because, the background picture of his phone is an image of his athletic, burgundy haired, boyfriend wearing a tight latex cat suit, and sporting a facial expression that’s a cross between confidence, and sexual invitation. Rin sent this picture to him three days ago, along with a text consisting of two words. “For You.”

Haru’s first response would of probably been, “well duh it’s for me, if it wasn’t, you wouldn’t of sent it to my phone.” However, his usual ability to form blunt smartass sentences was immediately silenced by a strong need to relieve himself of the carnal urges that quickly surged over him after laying eyes on that picture.

Over the past three days Haru’s studied the picture from top to bottom. At first he had a hard time looking at it without being overtaken by horniness, but slowly he began to get over his carnal urges, and start to just enjoy looking at the picture. Rin was attractive, alluring, confident, and flirtatious, but most importantly to Haru, Rin looked happy in that picture. The text message that was overlooked before, now had completely new meaning. Haru felt a sense of pride, knowing that all those aspects Rin was showing in that photo, was reserved “for him.”

Haru thought this was a selfish pride for him to have. That it was unreasonable that he now fantasized that Rin is keeping his playfulness, and sexual appeal away from the world. What’s even worse is he hoped these fantasies were true. 

Despite the occasional mental cursing, Haru enjoyed this secret. He enjoyed sneaking in the occasional glance at his phone, and letting himself smile.

However, intimacy is a two way street. Haru should have known that eventually Rin would want something in return.

 

* * *

 

 

“Why don’t you send me any pictures of yourself Haru?” Rin texted.

“You probably know what I look like by heart.” Haru replied.

“Well yeah, but it’s better to have something to look at.”

“There’s plenty of pictures of me online Rin.”

“It’s not the same though.”

“Whaddya mean?”

“Okay, this is going to sound stupid, but hear me out. I miss seeing you, like actually seeing you on a day to day basis. I guess, if you sent me pictures, I’d feel… closer to you. Like if I could see a picture of you when you’re first waking up, or the clothes you’re wearing that day, it’d feel like we weren’t a million miles apart right now.”

“Would you really want me to send you pictures daily?”

“Yeah I would! I know! Let’s both do it, starting tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah, sure.” It wasn’t like Haru was going to argue against the importance of a picture, after what he’s learned the past few days.

 

* * *

 

 

The next day Rin was woken from his slumber by his cell phone playing “Blue Distance”, the song Rin designated to ring only if Haru was calling or texting. He rubbed his eyes with one hand, while reaching for the phone with the other. When he saw the phone screen, he read a short message.

“Check your e-mail.”

_“He sends me a message, to tell me to look at a different message. What the fuck Haru?”_  Rin rolled out of bed and decided to promptly comply with Haru’s request though, mostly out of curiosity of what was so important that Haru wouldn’t wait for him to find the e-mail himself. Rin grabbed his laptop off of the low table in the living room, and started it up. He found Haru’s e-mail at the top of his inbox, with the header “As I wake.” Rin clicked on it, and found that the body of the e-mail only read two words.

“For You.”

At the bottom of the e-mail he noticed there were six attachments, all pictures. First one was a close up of a set of feet and ankles. Rin raised his eyebrow, confused why Haru would send such a thing, but he continued on. The second one was a picture of lower legs wearing sweat pants. The third picture was thighs and hips leading up to bare abdomen. By the time he opened the fourth attachment Rin gasped. “Did he? I know I asked to see him, but I can’t believe he’d actually…” Then he looked at the last picture, the one of Haru’s face, with sleep still in his eyes, and hair disheveled. The moment of beautiful vulnerability that manages to be cute by its messiness. Rin softly bit down on his lower lip as he grinned looking at that picture. That picture of Haru that belonged to him, encasing a moment that he hopes he will get to see in person for many mornings in the future.

However, for now, Rin will make the most of the gift Haru sent him. Within twenty minutes he was able to print off all the pictures, and line them up against the wall running along the side of his mattress. He taped the photo’s low on the wall, so it almost looked like the life sized Haru was laying in his bed. Rin then pulled out his cell phone, and took a few steps away from the bed so he could take a picture of his work, showing Haru that he’s making good use of the photos.

Along with the picture, Rin wrote a message. “Give me one reason why I shouldn’t get this professionally printed onto a body pillow case.”

Haru texted back alarmingly fast. “Because the last thing I need is a body pillow version of myself to exist.”

“It’d only be for me though.”

“What’s to stop the printer from keeping duplicates of the pictures, and printing more later?”

Rin softly pouted, jutting his lower lip out. “You’re over paranoid.”

“No I’m cautious. We’re recognizable people Rin. Especially recognizable together now. All it takes is the printer to recognize you, then the boy you happen to have intimate images of is a dead giveaway. Please don’t.”

Rin huffed. “Fine, just remember I’ll turn your real body into a pillow the moment I see you.”

Haru smirked at the message. “You already do that anyway.”

Rin smirked back. “Hey, how’d you manage to get a continuous image of yourself without changing poses?”

“I set up six cameras on tripods, and timed them all to go off when my morning alarm rings.”

“Where the heck did you get six cameras?”

“I bought them last night.”

“You bought six cameras so you can send me this?”

“Yeah?”

Rin was beaming ear to ear as he whispered to himself, “too adorable”.

 

* * *

 

 

“Nanase, where’s your head?” Haru’s coach called out, as he neared the edge of the pool. “Are you still in vacation land or something?”

Haru shrugged, looking up to his coach. “I guess I just need to feel the water again.”

His coach sighed “Look, I get that you swim very intuitively, and I usually respect your methods, but you’ve been gone for three weeks, so you need to really get back in the game.”

Haru nodded, his face looking deadpan.

“I’m sorry if I seem hard on you. I’m just concerned that your friend quitting is going to put ideas in your head or something. I mean, you are both the same age, so you’ve probably been making considerations if this is your time too.”

“You don’t think it’s my time?”

“I think you’re a talented swimmer, and I think you can keep dominating the field for as long as you’re determined to. However, you need your heart to be into it. If your heart isn’t in your swimming, it’s going to affect your performance, and you’re going to lag behind. But you need to make your own decisions. You’re the master of your own heart Nanase, not your friend from Australia.”

“ _Easy for you to say. I’m pretty sure my hearts been hijacked.”_  Haru thought. However, since he actually had to answer his coach, he said “I’ll work it out, just let me feel the water for today okay?”

His coach lifted his arms up in defeat. “Yeah, I guess I’ll let you do what you need to do, but that’s only because I’d hate to lose you as a team member. But let me tell you this, a week from now you and the water better be very well acquainted again, or else I’m going to give some of the backups a chance to earn your spot.”

Haru nodded, and assuming this conversation was at its end, he dived back under the water’s surface to his place of sanctuary. In this solitude, he was left alone with an all-consuming thought.

_“What am I swimming for anymore?”_

* * *

 

Right after practice Haru headed to the beach. He paused to take a quick photo of himself with the water in the background, and sent it to Rin before leaving his possessions in the sand.

_“This feels good”_ Haru mused as he floated along the water’s surface. The ocean softly rocked him with small waves, as he felt the sunlight caress his moist skin. Haru was glad he came here, to a place where he could actually be alone with the water. He needed some peace after feeling nothing but confliction during practice. It was also a relief to Haru to know he was still on good terms with the water.

_“Maybe I can let go of competition as long as I can have this. Wasn’t experiencing the water the point of it all anyway?”_

Haru softly frowned, as childish as it was, he knew this decision wouldn’t be so hard if it wasn’t for the fact that it felt like he was acting under Rin’s influence again. Everything was changing for Haru at a dizzying rate. He now carries around a cell phone everywhere, and checks for messages multiple times a day. He pauses to send pictures every day, sometimes multiple times a day if he changes settings or outfits, even though he personally doesn’t think he looks that interesting on a day to day basis. All he wants is to keep one thing for himself. Just one part of his life that isn’t dictated by being Rin’s partner. Since his personal life has been hijacked, he should at least be able to make his own decisions on what to do in his professional life.

_“But no matter how many other reasons I can come up with to justify retiring now, it still feels like I’m following in Rin’s footsteps. But if I keep going just to prove that he doesn’t control me, isn’t that even more proof of his influence?”_

Haru sighed and tried to clear his mind, but the issue of what he’s going to do with his life refused to be ignored. After a few minutes of struggling to achieve a more meditative state, Haru gave up and swam to shore. After he put on his clothes, he looked at his phone and saw a blinking notification, alerting him to the fact that he missed a text.

“Didn’t you just get done with your first day back at practice?” Rin asked.

“Yeah.”

“And you still went to the ocean strait afterwards. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Did staying with me deprive you from swimming too much?”

“Of course it did.” Haru smirked as he typed.

“How’d practice go anyway?”

Haru grimaced looking at the question. “Not great.”

“Sometimes it’s hard coming back after a break. I’m sure you’ll get better Haru.”

Haru somewhat smiled again. At least Rin was trying to encourage him to do what he loves. “Do you remember back in High School, when you demanded that I swim for you Rin?”

Rin face palmed after reading that message. “Please don’t remind me! That was a completely regrettable angst-filled teenage period that I wish never happened.”

“Sorry. I was just thinking, ever since we met, I feel like I’ve been swimming for you. You pulled me into your relay team, and I swam for your dream. Then later, when we were still kids you quit, and I quit too. In high school I swam for you because you needed a rival. As adults I thought that was over. I thought I was the master of my own destiny and yet, I think I’m still swimming for you. Because now that you’ve retired, I’m having a hard time finding the motivation to keep doing this without you.”

“You’re wrong Haru.”

“How am I wrong?”

“Because we both swim for each other. I would have never had a successful relay team if it wasn’t for you. The first time I went to Australia I was motivated to keep going, so I could swim on equal grounds with you. When I came back to Japan, I would have never joined the Samezuka swim team if I didn’t have a chance to race you again. Yes, it’s true I’m always the one who had a dream of making it big in the swimming world, but you became the motivation. Without you I probably would have given up for good after I fell behind in Australia.”

“Really Rin? You always seem so sure of yourself.”

“Do you remember how heartbroken I was when you said you didn’t want to swim after high school? I have a hard time being sure of myself when you’re not around Haru.”

Haru, for the first time fully smiled as he read the message a few times over. He couldn’t think of a response that didn’t sound overly smug though, so he said nothing until Rin sent him another text.

“You know Haru, you need to own up your own feelings.”

Haru blinked “What?”

“The way you say things sometimes, I could be wrong, but you sound like you believe yourself to be a victim of my manipulation, or something. And I really don’t like it Haru. I’m not forcing you to be my boyfriend. I’m not forcing you to like or dislike competitive swimming. You still have decisions in your life, and I always want to you to decide what’s best for you. You should always do what makes you happy.

If you still like swimming, then go ahead and swim. But if you don’t like it anymore, and it’s because of the fact it’s no fun without me, then those are **your feelings** Haru. I’ve accepted my own feelings about you, and in doing so, I acknowledge the influence I’m letting you have over my life. Please accept letting people in Haru. You seem to think that letting people in means you’re losing control of your life. Having control of your life doesn’t mean you need to make every single decision on your own terms all the time. No one’s life is a vacuum like that, there’s always going to be outside influences.”

Haru sighed, it’s almost as if Rin could still read his mind from a million miles away. He quietly reminded himself of the decision he made when he left Makoto’s house. _“I’m the one who decided to stay with Rin. That means accepting the ways it changes my life. Even when those changes are a pain in the ass.”_  Haru took a deep breath, and quickly texted back three words.

“You’re right, sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, by the way, are you still at the beach?”

“No, I started walking home while you were typing me that essay.”

“Ah, okay, before you left, did you sing?”

“Like hell I’d sing an American song in my broken English.”

Rin pouted at his cell phone. “Aw, I wouldn’t judge you for it. It’s gesture itself that’s romantic.”

 

* * *

 

 

~Flashback~

“I think I’m going to move back to Japan soon.” Rin said, with his chin rested on Haru’s shoulder. It was the last night Haru was spending in Australia. They snuck out around 10 pm to go to the beach. It was dark, and no one was around, so they enjoyed the solitude of sitting in the sand near the shoreline and listening to the soft shifting of water that splashed against their ankles. Haru sat with Rin’s legs on either side of him, his back snugly pressed against Rin’s chest. “I’d need a few months to do it of course.” Rin continued his train of thought. “To settle anymore crisis that arise because of my quitting. Also just to prepare, cause moving internationally is a bitch.”

Haru just nodded at Rin’s statements.

Rin rolled his eyes, not sure why he expected anything else from Haru. “I was thinking I could stay at your place.” He felt Haru’s body slightly stiffen in response. “Not like move in! Yeesh man. I just mean a place to crash while I check out the local house market. Just a month or two at most. Would that be okay?”

Haru nodded again. “Guess so. But where in Japan do you want to move to?”

“Mmn, Kyoto would be good. Only an hour away from Iwatobi. I could go to college there too once I figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life.”

“Doesn’t sound like you put much thought in about it.” Haru plainly remarked.

“Well if you haven’t noticed Haru, I’m kind of living on the edge now.” Rin chuckled. Haru once again, gave no verbal response, which caused Rin to let out an irritated groan. “For god’s sakes Haru will you please say something?! I figured you’d be happy about this since you’re the one that keeps asking what’s the point of us dating if we’re gonna be worlds apart soon. Now I’m telling you that I’m moving back, and you sound so.. so…! UNENTHUSED. Jeeze man, way to make me feel completely unsecure.”

Haru blinked, his eyes finally un-focusing from the water, as he turned his head to the side to face Rin in the dark. “I just don’t want you regretting your choices. I’m not sure if it’s a smart idea to move somewhere new just for me. You have enough chaos going on right now.”

“It wouldn’t be just for you. Gou still lives in the area. So does Ai. Oh my god you won’t believe how many letters Ai sends me.” Haru raised an eyebrow suspiciously in response, even though it couldn’t really be seen in the darkness.  

“Who the heck is Ai?”

“Remember that grey haired underclassman from my high school swim team that always followed me around?”

Haru audibly gulped. “Oh him. Please don’t visit him too often.”

Rin broke out laughing. “You’re so strange Haru! You go from not wanting me to move back to Japan, to being jealous of whom I visit if I do move.”

“I never said I don’t want to you to move.”

“Well you sure have a funny way of approving the idea.”

“I just didn’t want you to move for my sake. If we don’t work out then you might regret it.”

Rin nuzzled into Haru’s neck, which caused Haru to make a content ‘hmm’ sound. “Well I got news for you Nanase. I think we’re gonna work out forever.”

“It’s only been two weeks since we started dating.”

“Doesn’t matter. I can tell.”

“You’re so cocky Rin.”

Rin could practically hear the smile in Haru’s voice. He could tell Haru longed for him to be right, and that made him all the more confident that things will work out. “I know, but you love that about me.” Rin responded right before placing a deep kiss against Haru’s neck, slightly sucking on the flesh in order to arouse his partner.

Haru gasped in reaction as his eyes started to glaze over. “Oi, oi, be good. You’re going to have to get used to not having this luxury very soon.”

“Which is why I’m getting as much of it as I can right now.” Rin affectionately muttered between kisses along Haru’s jaw.

“We just did it before we left the apartment though.” Haru weakly complained.

“And we’ll most likely do it again in bed before we go to sleep. Do you have a point?” Rin purred in his ear.

“We’re in public Rin.”

“No one’s around.”

“That’s because the beach is closed. What if security comes?”

Rin pouted, giving up the assault of kisses he was giving to his partner. “You’re such a scardy cat Haru.”

“And you’re a pervert Rin!”

They both broke out in chuckles, neither of them actually offended by the others teasing. After their laughter died down Rin comfortably nuzzled the side of his face back into Haru’s neck.

“Hey Haru, do you remember this beach?”

“Remember it?”

“This was the beach I took you to back in high school.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah.”

“I guess that’s not surprising. We were in Sydney for that visit as well.”

“Do you remember what I told you at this beach?”

 “Kind of.”

Rin sighed, lifting his face away from Haru’s body. “You’re so hopeless sometimes Haru. Anyway, I was telling you about how special this beach was to me, when I was a kid. Because whenever I felt lonely, I’d come here and remember that you and Sosuke were just on the other side of the ocean.”

“It’s a big ocean Rin.” Haru plainly stated.

“I know that dummy, but still, it helped me feel like I was still connected to you. The water always connects us in the end right?”

Haru nodded. “Guess so.”

“So, when you get home, if you ever miss me, you can just go to the beach and think of me. Cause I’ll be on the other side.”

“What makes you think I’ll have time to miss you before you move back to Japan?” Haru asked challengingly.

Rin nuzzled the side of his face between Haru’s shoulder blades, softly murmuring against his flesh “Because, you’re already used to my warmth by now, just as I’ve become accustomed to yours.”

“I’ll live.” Haru said, intentionally avoiding confirming Rin’s statement.

Rin chuckled. “I’m sure you will. However, if you ever start feeling cold without me, just come to the ocean and sing me a song.”

“I’m not going to sing to the water Rin.”

“Really? I thought if anyone was comfortable enough around water to sing to it, it’d be you.”

“Har har.”

“Seriously though, I think I found ‘our song.’ ”

“Oh?” Haru quietly mused. “I thought that’s something both people decide on.”

“I guess. I don’t really know the rules to it. To be honest you’re the first person I wanted to dedicate a song to.” Haru could feel the blood rush to his cheeks in a silent response to Rin’s romanticism. “Anyway, it’s not a Japanese song, but I still think it suits us amazingly well. Will you give it a listen, pplleeeaasse Haru?”

Haru smirked, by now he was putty to Rin’s requests anyway. “Sure. You gonna play it on your MP3 player?”

Rin moved his face back to its original place, with his chin resting against Haru’s shoulder so he could whisper directly in Haru’s ear. “Don’t have it with me. I want to sing it to you myself.”

Haru’s face heated even more, managing to turn deep crimson. “W-what? You-you’re going to sing to me?”

Rin chuckled. “Jesus man don’t have a heart attack. You’re so nervous, it’s making **me** nervous.”

“S-sorry, you don’t have to sing to me though Rin.”

“I know, but I want to.” Rin murmured warmly.

Haru only nodded in response.

Rin smiled. “Okay then, now try to remember this whenever you look at the ocean.” Rin paused to take in a deep breath before starting to sing.  


“When it rains it pours and opens doors

And floods the floors we thought would always, keep us safe and dry.

And in the midst of sailing ships, we sink our lips into the ones we love,

That have to say goodbye.

And as I float along this ocean,

I can feel you like a notion that won’t seem to let me go.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics are from the song "When I look to the sky" Performed by Train. I take no credit other than being inspired that it makes a perfect couples song for long distance Haru and Rin :P


	16. A Long Day with Nagisa

**Step 4. Part 2.**

"Haru-chan! Is it true? Is it really true that you've retired swimming?" Nagisa asked in a slightly whining voice over the phone.

It was entirely too early in the morning to deal with Nagisa's energy, but for some reason, despite knowing it was Nagisa calling, Haru still answered his phone. He should've known that Nagisa wouldn't bother with pleasantries like saying 'hello', and instead skip to the part of grilling him on what's going on with his life.

"I didn't retire Nagisa. I got put on the back up team."

"But why Haru-can? You did so well in the Olympics! Why would you be taken off the main team?"

Haru sighed. "I don't know."

"Whaddya mean you don't know? They didn't give you any explanation as to why they'd do that?"

Haru rolled his eyes, and wished Nagisa could take the obvious hint that he doesn't want to talk about it. Luckily, Rei was close by Nagisa, and took the hint just by listening to the conversation one sidedly. Haru stood listening to a muffled conversation of Rei's lecturing voice tone, and Nagisa's defeated child tone. Next thing Haru knew, Rei had taken Nagisa's phone away from him.

"Sorry about that Haruka." Rei apologized. "He's just concerned about you, and he doesn't know how else to express it. I also send you my sympathies if the situation is troubling you."

"Really I'm fine. It's not like I don't get to swim." Haru answered. He was being completely honest too. After dealing with his coach breathing down his neck most the week about how he needs to regain his competitive edge, it was nice to finally step back, and let somebody else deal with the pressure. Being on the back up team will allow him to come to practice and still have a job, but also give him time to figure out his next move. "How'd Nagisa find out so fast anyway?" He asked curiously.

"Oh, Nagisa keeps his eye on news from the swimming world. And not surprisingly, anything that has to with you doesn't sink under the radar, especially now with your connection to Rin, who's still a hot topic."

"Ah" Haru answered, with a sigh.

"But hey, actually the real reason we called is because we wanted to see if you and Makoto wanted to come out to go enjoy a festival with us next weekend. It's been too long since all four of us did anything together."

"A festival huh?" Haru said doubtfully, not really sure he wants to deal with the crowds.

"Oh c'mon Haru, it'll be just like old times."

Haru snorted. "Old times? The only time I remember all of us at a festival, you were gone for most of it, and Nagisa tried to corral me around as to keep me away from bumping into Rin. It was overall, a very odd experience."

"Well obviously times have changed from that." Rei laughed. "And we can build a better experience this time around. Please Haru-san?"

"Fine, fine." Haru gave in. He could tell this obviously meant a lot to Rei, and besides, he had a lot more spare time on his hands without having to deal with the training that comes with being on the team's official roster. "But before we get off the phone, can you tell me what Nagisa's schedule is like this week? I need him for something."

"Yeah sure, but, what do you need him for?"

Haru sighed. "A project that only lands in his area of expertise."

* * *

"Oh wow! Rin-chan looks really hot in that. I never knew he was into that sort of stuff." Nagisa said cheerfully, while looking over the picture on Haru's phone. "Looks like good quality stuff too, not the overly shiny cheap plastic suits. I wonder if he got lucky finding that fit in a shop, or got it custom made."

Haru only nodded, keeping his own comments of what he thought of Rin's costume to himself. "You know where to find costumes like that right?"

Nagisa smiled mischievously. "Of course I do Haru. I send you, Rin, and Mako-chan pictures from all my photo shoots. I have at least twenty outfits like that."

"You know I don't open the attachments to any e-mails mentioning 'fetish-wear', right?"

"Aww, why not?"

"I've known you since you were in elementary school Nagisa. It's a little strange looking at you gagged, cuffed, and making dough eyes at the camera."

"So you have seen some of my pictures!"

Haru facepalmed. "That was the first, and last one I've bothered looking at. Back to the topic at hand. Is there someplace around here I can get one that looks like this?"

Nagisa's face lit up with way too much excitement. "YOU want an outfit like this Haru-chan?"

Haru sighed, and began to speak faster. "Yes. I would. A dog like version if possible."

"Hm, I never pegged you as one to be pup like Haru."

"Rin prefers dogs." Haru replied even faster, his cheeks heating up.

Nagisa snickered in reply, covering his mouth in a terrible attempt to mask his level of amusement, before coughing, trying to take on a more professional tone. "Well I know Rin-chan likes dogs, but there's a difference between liking an animal, and preference in fetish."

"I already asked him what kind of outfit he'd be interested in!" Haru seethed. "Now can you please stop it with the questions."

Nagisa beamed a smile. "You asked him eh? Seems being with Rin-chan has made you bold Haru."

Haru sighed, and rolled his eye's. "Just… forget this ever happened." He said, taking his phone back, and stuffing it in his pocket, turning away.

"Wait, Haru-chan!" Nagisa whined. "Don't go. Please. I know a good place to make it. Let me help you."

"Promise you'll stop teasing me about it?"

"I'll do my best!"

Haru sighed, knowing Nagisa's best attempts at restraint isn't a very reassuring promise. However, he knew this was Nagisa being Nagisa, and it was obvious he does want to help. "Fine" Haru said sullenly, turning back to his friend. "So where we going?"

"I need your phone for one more second first." Nagisa said holding out his hand. Haru handed it over. "I'll be right back!" and before Haru could protest, or even ask why, Nagisa dashed back into his house, closing the door, and leaving Haru to stand on the front porch.

A few minutes passed until Nagisa emerged outside again with Haru's cell phone, a piece of paper, and very flustered Rei behind him. "Nagisa, you can't just print out pictures like that! Where'd you get that anyway?"

"Haru-chan gave it to me." Nagisa answered back with an innocent smile.

"I severely doubt Haru would just hand that over to you. That looks like something extremely private between him and Rin-san. How would you like it if others saw pictures of me like that!?"

"I wouldn't mind. People see pictures of me like that all the time."

Rei just sighed, and shook his head before looking to Haru. "I don't know how Nagisa got your cell phone, but I absolutely apologise for his lack of manners. I will make sure the image is deleted from our computer, and I will burn this copy" He said, reaching for Nagisa who was now sidestepping him.

"I told you, Haru-chan gave me his phone." Nagisa pouted. "Didn't you Haru?"

Haru stood there taking a moment to realize attention has turned to him before he nodded once. "But why did you print it out?" He asked, turning to Nagisa.

"The guy at the shop needs a picture for reference if he's gonna make you one." Nagisa answered cheerfully.

Haru audibly gulped. "No you can't do that! No one should have copies of him like that!"

"Aww why not Haru?" Nagisa pouted.

Rei sighed, and interjected. "Not everyone is as comfortable as you are when it comes to having lewd photos of them floating around the internet. And what is this about a guy at a shop?"

"Maybe it's best Haru-chan explains that one." Nagisa replied mischievously.

As all eyes turned to Haru, he just sighed.

* * *

It took a ridiculous amount of effort on Haru and Rei's part, but Nagisa was talked down to cropping off the head, and any signs of Rin's iconic red hair from the picture before reprinting it to give to the shop owner. Nagisa tried to argue the point that the owner wouldn't be able to see the matching ears that way, but Rei seemed adamant that the shop owner doesn't need visual cues to figure out where to place latex dog ears. At that point, Haru stepped out of the argument, and let Rei do his job of being the voice of reason to counteract Nagisa's impulsiveness.

The place Nagisa said to be near by was actually a two hour drive away, and that's not accounting the spare twenty minutes going up and down the same street trying to find a very non-descript looking storefront, since apparently, as Nagisa informed him, S & M shops had a tendency to be the target of either vandalism, or prudish mothers on a crusade against anything that isn't child safe in the world.

Now that they were finally there, Haru's condition had become equal parts tired, and uncomfortable. He had to stay still while being measured in six different places by an unfamiliar woman who had way too many arm tats, and a shirt that emphasized more cleavage than what would be considered publically acceptable.

What made it all the worse, is that Nagisa, who was supposed to be his guide and moral support in this ordeal, was instead wandering through the aisles like a kid in a candy store. Shouting through to store in order to chat enthusiastically with the shop owner about her newest stock, and sharing his ideas on the creative ways Rei and himself could use such odd instruments of 'pleasure' . This conversation was definitely high on Haru's top five things he never wanted to think about, ever. His only solace in the moment was that he could get pay back later by reporting to Rei how open Nagisa is about their sex life to others when Rei isn't around to silence him.

In the end Haru finally made it home, achieving nothing in his day except for a total four hours driving, an awfully uncomfortable time, and knowing he had two hundred dollars less in his bank account all for the sake of a single impractical outfit. Not that the money meant much to him, he made enough money in a single swim competition to keep his bills paid for five years with the simple lifestyle he lives. But still, the fact that he was spending so much on a single piece of 'clothing' only added to the overall ridiculousness that had become Haru's day.

Not to mention the fact that this could all blow up in his face if Nagisa ever decides to contact Rin, and start a friendly conversation in their shared tastes in certain types of clothing. Haru could only pray Nagisa had enough sense about him to know that Rin's sexy outfits wasn't exactly a domain open for commentary. Of course, hoping that Nagisa will possess common sense about anything was a gamble. Maybe the only chance to have a peaceful life, was to indeed, request Rei to take a mallet to Nagisa's phone. Rei might actually be willing to do it now, especially after he whapped Nagisa in the back of the head for showing off all the new merch the both of them should try out together, in front of Haru was still standing there on their front porch after dropping Nagisa off at home.

"At least it's done with" Haru muttered as he layed in bed. Not exactly ready for sleep, but just wanting to lay until he felt the motivation to do anything else with himself. He turned on his phone and noticed two missed texts from Rin, one checking in with him, the other one sent fifteen minutes later asking if he was distracted. Haru rolled his eyes, but immediately pulled up the screen to reply.

"Sorry, had the phone off. It's been kind of a busy day."

His phone buzzed about five minutes later. "Oh, what happened?"

"I was shopping with Nagisa."

Rin laughed as he saw the text. "My god, what compulsed you to do that?"

Haru usually would of told the blunt truth, but he wasn't sure if he wanted Rin looking forward to seeing an outfit until he himself got to see how it turned out. Being terrible at coming up with excuses, the best he could come up with is a half truth.

"Rei called, and asked I wanted to hang out at a festival soon. It reminded me that I haven't really hung out much with all them lately. Figured why not now that I have the time?"

There was no response for a few minutes after Haru pressed send. Usually Haru would think nothing of it, but right now it filled him with dread. Before Rin could confront him for what felt like the twentieth time this week about him dropping out of the main team, he decided to change the topic. "So how are things over there?"

"A little hectic. Been working with Abby to try to downplay my influence in your dropping out of the swim world."

"I haven't dropped out. I've just been put on the practice team."

There was silence again. Haru sighed as he knew Rin was sitting there frustrated, wanting to ask the question Haru refused to give an answer to the first four times he asked. 'You're planning to retire right?'

Haru sighed, though he didn't like the current tenseness between him and Rin, he seemed to be failing at changing topics, and he still wasn't in the mood to answer Rin's invisible question. So he sighed, laying in bed as a ball of exhausted nerves, considering taking a bath soon, and calling it a night early. As five long minutes passed since Haru's last text was sent, he sat up, ready to head to the bathroom when his phone vibrated next to him.

"I'm sorry if I'm stressing you out. I wish I knew how to help you. I miss being with you."

Haru let out a relaxing breath feeling the stress roll off him. "I'm alright Rin. I'll work things out. I miss you too."

* * *

**If I have any old subscribers checking in on this story after being alerted to an update. I sincerely apologize for the wait. I also apologize that after waiting so long all I have is sort of a filler chapter ' But, it was one of the idea's I had for this stage, and I thought it'd be interesting to watch Haru sort of slowly morph into someone more romantic/wanting to do something special just for Rin.**

 

**I plan for the connection between them to deepen more in the next chapter, and yes, there will be a next chapter XD. It'll get easier to write as it reforms itself fresh in my mind.**

**To readers new and old, thank you. And as always, please leave me a review :P**


	17. Lost in the sea of clasped hands

**Step 4. Part 3.**

 

“So you’re going through all this trouble to move to Japan, but he’s not gonna live with you?”   
  
“Sou, don’t start with me here.” Rin said, turning to his childhood friend, with his eyebrows already starting to knit in anticipated frustration.

 

“Oh common, you can’t tell me you don’t find this the least bit unjustified. I mean you gave up your job-”  
  
“Which I did for myself. He also did the same.”

 

“Yeah, the cowards way. He still hasn’t made any sort of announcement.”  
  
“He will, he just needs time to sort things out.”

 

“Meanwhile you’ve recruited me to help pack up your apartment so you can be in Japan next month for him-”  
  
“Also my decision. And we’re native Japanese Sousuke. Now that my career is over it’s about time I head home.”

 

“So you’re telling me that you’re decision to stupidly move back to Japan as soon as possible despite the media still being on your tail, and paying out the ass to break your lease, has **nothing** to do with the fact that you’re scared as hell that if you leave Haru alone too long your budding relationship might vanish in a poof of smoke?”

 

“Sou…” Rin sighed.  
  
“You’re only pissed cause I’m right.” Sousuke scolded.   
  
“He’s coming around more and more though. Honestly I shouldn’t be so concerned. Who know’s, maybe by the time I show up there he’ll be happy to take me in.”

 

Sousuke snorted. “Well for your sake I hope you’re not just being delusionally optimistic. So what’s the guy up to now that he’s unofficially retired?”

 

Rin smiled, feeling glad to announce Haru’s been more social as of late. “Actually he’s been making efforts to reunite with the old swimming crew. I think a couple hours from now they’ll be attending a festival.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Haru-chan! Mako-chan! There you are!” Nagisa exclaimed, enthusiastically waving from the entrance of the festival grounds.   
  
“I can’t believe you sent Makoto to go to my house an hour early to make sure I changed and came tonight.” Haru complained.

 

“Well I had to make sure you’d come.”  
  
“We had to drive back, and pick up his wife and kids too.” Haru scolded.

 

“Ah. Sorry for the inconvenience Komi.” Nagisa said sheepishly as he addressed Makoto’s wife who stood a few steps to the side of Haru and Makoto, a five year old girl holding one of her hands, and a three year old boy holding the other.   
  
“Look mommy! It’s the pretty boy.” Emiko, the young girl, exclaimed. She quickly let go of her mother’s hand to run up to Nagisa, and hug his waist.   
  
Komi smiled an apologetic smile towards Nagisa. “No it’s quite alright. It gave me some spare time to prepare the kids. I’m sorry about her.

 

“Emi, you shouldn’t run up, and hug people without asking first.” She lightly scolded her daughter who was still clinging to Nagisa.   
  
“But, pretty boy is a friend right? You don’t have to ask friends to hug them.” She let go of Nagisa’s waist, and turned to face her mother, though already reaching to cling to his arm.

 

Nagisa chuckled. “It’s quite alright Komi, I’m used to people being attracted because of my appearance.” Nagisa’s expression reflected that of a person who very seriously felt some sort of ego boost from being called pretty by a five year old girl. Rei very audibly sighed just a few steps behind him, and the rest of group, except Haru, laughed off Nagisa’s boastfulness.

 

“So what shall we do first?” Nagisa asked the group, though before anyone could get a response in, he followed with  “is anyone hungry?” Of course, meaning that he himself was hungry, and wanted to first get in his suggestion of getting food.

 

“I want shaved ice!” Emiko exclaimed.

 

“You should have dinner foods first.” Makoto chided as he stepped forward to take his daughter's hand. “Let’s get some squid on a stick.”

 

As Makoto and Emiko made the first move of leading the rest of the group into the festival grounds, Rei noticed that Nagisa was slightly pouting that his child admirer has quickly forgotten him, and was more pleased over getting squid on a stick.   
  
“Come here, pretty boy.” Rei teased as he took Nagisa’s hand, and they caught up to walk beside Makoto and his daughter, while Haru hung behind, walking with Komi her son Eiji, who seemed to be much less social than his older sister.

 

“I hope you don’t mind us tagging along, Nanase-san.” Komi said in a soft voice. “Makoto mentioned this being sort of a get together thing for the old team, but the kids just lit up at the mention the festival.”

 

“It’s alright.” Haru shrugged. “Makoto’s siblings used to tag along most of the time if their parents couldn’t take them out somewhere he was going, so this makes it feel more like old times, I guess.”

 

“I’m glad you’re alright with it. I didn’t want you put in a position where you felt left out.”

 

“Left out from what?” Haru asked, raising an eyebrow.

 

Komi smiled an almost mischievous smile.  It didn’t look quite right on the face of a woman who was usually as socially polite as Makoto, if not more so. “If you don’t get it, it’s best I don’t tell you.” She responded.

 

Haru shrugged, pretending not to care.

 

Everyone got some squid, and found some picnic tables just outside the lines of food and games booths. Emiko scarfed hers down fast enough that she probably risked regurgitation, and then demanded they go get shaved ice next since she had dinner like she was told to.

 

“How about we go play some games first? Let your stomach settle.” Makoto kindly suggested. Emiko pouted but didn’t bother to argue, and soon as the rest of Makoto’s family had finished their food they were off to a game where children fish for water balloon yoyo’s.

 

Nagisa wanted to play games too, so Rei and Haru tagged along to a game Nagisa insisted Haru was going to love. It was a game that included water guns, which Haru guessed he could see where Nagisa got the idea that he’d be interested, but in all honesty he’d rather stick his face in front of the water gun, and spray himself rather than aim for a target.   
  
The three of them sat with three other people, all of which having the goal of hitting the target with their water gun, and holding it there long enough for some gauge to rise to the top, and declare them a winner. It seemed pretty easy, the only challenge to it was to have the gun lined up, and press the button faster than your opponents. The game was short lived, and the winner ended up being a boy sitting at the far left. He was handed a creamy orange kitten plushie which he presented to his girlfriend, who was standing behind where he sat. She thanked him, and kissed his cheek before they began to walk away arm in arm.

 

“Aww, we didn’t win.” Nagisa whined, and just as the determined look formed in his eye, Rei slid off his stool, and pulled Nagisa off his own seat, stopping Nagisa from suggesting that they continue to play more rounds until they win.

 

“...Haru?” Haru blinked, and looked up at Rei who was eyeing him quite intently.

 

“Yeah?” Haru asked.

 

“I asked if there anything you wanted to do next?”

 

Haru shrugged.

 

“Let’s watch the ceremonial dance!” Nagisa cheerfully suggested. Rei internally wished that Nagisa wouldn’t be so quick to decide everyone's plans, but he didn’t have any particular place he wanted to be either, so he followed along, keeping his head turned back to make sure Haru was still mentally present, and following with them.

 

Haru kept close, however he couldn’t really focus on being with his friends. Something about that couple that walked away with the prize dazed him, as they left his eye’s couldn’t help but linger on their held hands. As he continues through the fairgrounds he realizes that he can see it everywhere. Couples of all ages with their fingers intertwined, some of them laughing and smiling with each other, others not really paying attention to their partners, but looking at ease in their own space, others, probably newer couples, looking ever so anxious like their contact is somehow taboo, despite being in a sea of people doing the same thing.

 

Even Rei and Nagisa kept their hands clasped in what looked to be a common compromise between them of Nagisa eagerly wanting to lead the way, but Rei firmly holding Nagisa to slow to Rei’s own pace. Haru grasped at the edges of his own pants, feeling uncharacteristically self conscious that his hands had no place to go.  Rei raised an eyebrow as he looked back once again, and noticed Haru fidgeting with his own clothes, but Haru offered no response, so Rei didn’t press for one.

 

The dance ceremony was flashy, with young fit ladies in traditional kimono doing a choreography while holding fire torches they used as batons. Near the end of the show Makoto and his family had caught up with them, both Eiji and Emiko having cups of shaved ice in hand. Makoto walked up to Haru, and handed him a shaved ice as well. Haru responded with a slightly annoyed look that he didn’t need a desert like he was one of Makoto’s children, but he took it, and slowly picked away it anyway because at least he had something to do with his hands that way.

 

When the show came to an end, Makoto suggested they set up camp to see the fireworks since they would start in a half hour. They wandered to the top of a grassy hill, and set out a few blankets side by side of each other. Makoto sat to the right of his wife, with Emiko sitting in his lap and Eiji sitting in Komi’s. Haru sat with a foot's distance away from Makoto with Nagisa flanking his other side. Rei sat close next to Nagisa at the end of the group. As the fireworks began everyone’s eye’s lifted to the sky, the children letting out sounds of awe as large one’s with their favorite colors exploded. Everyone looked so happy in this moment, which Haru was glad for, but for some reason it all felt like something was incomplete. So Haru pulled out his cell phone slowly, in hopes not to distract the others from their moment, lifted it slightly, and captured a picture of the fireworks.

 

* * *

 

Rin had finished putting his dishes away, and was about to retire for the night when his phone vibrated. He opened it up to see two pictures, one of the fireworks, and one of Haru’s slightly forlorn looking face, lit only with dim color of the lightshow in the sky. Under the pictures was a small line of text that read, “wish you were here.”

 

Rin couldn’t help but hug the phone to his chest as his heart filled with warmth and joy. With a giant grin on his face, he pulled the phone back in front of him and replied, “Don’t worry, I’ll be home soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Hi! Thank you all so very much for all the reviews on the last chapter. It was so good to know people were still interested in this story even after such a long stall. Just wanted to apologize for the weird spacing with this one. I usually keep my dialogue/paragraphs double spaced but despite going over this one twice with a formatting eye, I couldn't seem to get the spacing uniform. Just some double spaces are wider than others for reasons I can't fathom. Anyway, I still don't have a set in stone chapter count, but this story is definitely on it's home stretch so stay tuned, and thank you for all the support!


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